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Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the coach resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives. Women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, Christy Walker. I'm a wife, mom, and a joy-filled Catholic. And I am the Catholic sobriety coach. And I'm so glad you're here. Can I even do this? This is a question that I hear so often. And I just want to be very upfront with you and say, I have never met a woman who was too far gone. Not one, not in 29 years. I've met women who believe they were, but that's different. Today we are going to talk about that difference and why the voice telling you that you are the exception, that you're never going to have this alcohol thing figured out, that this isn't going to work for you, is the least trustworthy voice in the room. Now, before we talk about what's possible, I want to talk about why that question, can I even do this, feels so loud in your mind anytime you think about reducing or eliminating alcohol? Because I don't think it's coming from you. Not really. So I was thinking about this, and I don't know if any of you have read The Screw Tape Letters by C.S. Lewis. It's a fictional series of letters from a senior demon named Screw Tape to his nephew Wormwood, who has been assigned to a specific human soul. And his entire job, Wormwood's job, is to keep this person distracted, complacent, and away from God. And what struck me when I read that book is how very subtle it is. The enemy doesn't show up in your living room and say, you better drink the wine. Instead, he whispers. He uses the smallest, most reasonable sounding voices. You deserve it. You've had a hard day. Everyone else is doing it. Just one. You've been so good. You've earned this. It will help. And you take it because, of course, it sounds so reasonable. It sounds like self-care. It sounds like relief. And then the moment you give in that voice, it changes completely. You said you weren't gonna do this. You have no willpower. You're never gonna change. Who do you think you are to even try? It's the shame loop. And it is not an accident. It's actually a very cunning strategy. Alcohol is not just a physical habit. It's not just a neurological pattern. For many women, it has become a spiritual stronghold. The enemy uses it to keep you distracted, complacent, numbed, away from the sacraments, away from mass, away from the quiet where God's voice lives. The wine chatter drowns out everything, and the shame keeps you stuck. And that stuck? Will it just feel safer than the terrifying possibility of actually needing to change and what that's gonna look like? Now I need you to hear this. The voice that says, you can't do this, that is not God's voice. God does not condemn, He does not shame. God does not say, you've done too much, you've gone too far, or you are beyond my reach. That is not his voice, and you do not have to listen to it. So I want to tell you something that I don't know if I've actually mentioned before on the podcast. I've mentioned it in other talks that I've given. But for years after I stopped drinking, after I got sober, I just felt like Ebenezer Scrooge standing outside a big Christmas banquet. Let me set the scene. So it's cold outside, but through the window, you can see the fire burning, the table full of delicious food. You can just almost feel the warmth, the laughter, and the joy radiating out of that room. And you want to be in there so desperately. But you don't go in. You don't think you belong because of everything you've done, everywhere you've been, and everything you've been. And that's how I felt about God, about the church, about the women I'd see at Mass who seemed so at peace, so loved, so confident that they were known. And I'd look at them and think, oh gosh, I wish I could be like that. I wish I could feel that, but I've done too much. I've gone too far. Why would he want to talk to me? Now I knew God loved me in a general sense, the way that you know the sun exists, even when you can't see it. But intimacy, a relationship, being known and wanted and seen by him, that felt like something for other people. And here's what's interesting about that season. I wasn't drinking. I was mostly, mostly making better decisions. I was showing up. I was still on the outside of that window. Because simply quitting drinking is a big step, but it's not the ticket inside. You can stop drinking and still very much feel like you're standing out in the cold. What changed for me was slow. It wasn't like a click or a light switch. It was slow. A woman that I worked with at a jewelry store, this beautiful, warm Christian woman, saw something in me and invited me to her church. And I went and something cracked open. I felt genuinely welcomed for the first time in a long time. And I also knew something was missing. It wasn't quite right. So I did what I always do. I went into research mode. I started reading everything I could about the Catholic Church, its history, its teaching. And the more I learned, the more I knew it was a Catholic Church or nothing. I also knew I couldn't do nothing. So I went back and I started serving and I showed up and I did all the things. But I was still a little outside the window. The moment the door opened was in a women's fellowship group at my parish. Mostly older women who were doing a Bible study on the father's love. And something in me just softened. And I thought for the first time, oh, this is a relationship. It's not a list of rules, not a performance, not something I even had to earn. It's a relationship with a father who had been waiting at the window for me just as long as I'd been standing outside it. Then a couple of friends and I started a walking with purpose Bible study at our parish. And over the past 10 years of steeping myself in scripture, of letting his word actually replace the world's voice, I finally started hearing him clearly, the way I'd always wanted to. I was the prodigal son. I was the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years, who just reached out her hand of faith to touch his cloak and be healed. I could see myself in those stories, and I finally understood he wasn't waiting to condemn me. He was waiting to heal me. That's available to you too, even now, even after everything. Now I want to give you a quick framework that might help you understand where you are and why that matters. There's a model called the Stages of Change. I may have mentioned it in a really early episode. I can't really remember, but even if I did, it bears repeating, as my mom says. And I think it's incredibly helpful for women who are wondering, why can't I do this already? So here's how it works: the first stage is pre-contemplation. This is for the woman who doesn't think she has a problem. She's not looking. She's not here. And if you're listening to this podcast, you have already passed this stage. So give yourself a pat on the back for that. Stage two is contemplation. Something is starting to nag at her. Am I drinking too much? Is this becoming a problem? She's wondering, but not doing anything yet. Just sitting with that question. Stage three is preparation. This is where a lot of you are, my listeners. She's researching, reading books, listening to podcasts, gathering information. She's not quite in action yet, but she's getting ready. This is not wasted time. This is a preparation, and it is very necessary, especially for those of us like me who love to information gather and do lots of research so that we feel like we are have like a whole picture of what it's going to look like, right? I mean, we don't always know everything, but it gives us a pretty good picture. So then stage four, of course, is the action. This is where you are doing the work. Maybe she's in one of my programs. Maybe she's going to therapy, uh, doing one-on-one coaching. She's not just researching anymore. She's actually working to make changes. And then stage five is maintenance. And this is where she's found a level of freedom that works for her, whether that's completely alcohol-free, rarely or intentionally. She can take alcohol or leave it with genuine peace. It is neutral for her. The habit no longer has a grip on her. And here's something important I want to add that the textbooks don't always say clearly enough. You will not move through these stages in a straight line. You will loop back, you will have a slip, and feel like you're back at square one. You are not. A slip is not a return to stage one. It is information, it is data. It is the habit saying, here's what we still need to work on. My own faith journey looked exactly like this. I went to my coworkers' church and I felt something open. Action. And then I realized it wasn't quite right. I went back into research mode. That was preparation. And then I started going back to the Catholic Church. Action again. Looping back is not failure. It's how this actually works. This is something that has happened to several of the ladies that I coach with. They come to me ready, motivated. And in the first weeks, they are doing really, really well. I can genuinely see something shift in them. But as soon as the newness wears off or life gets hard or real again, they slip. And then they come into a group coaching session or our group or a one-on-one coaching session and say to me, I don't think I can do this. I think that I might be that one person that it doesn't work for. And here's what I've learned about that moment, that specific, devastating moment of I am the exception. It's actually a turning point disguised as a collapse because it's the moment the easy surface work has been exhausted and the real work is about to begin. So instead of trying to talk her back into motivation, I ask, what do you think is underneath it? What are you actually reaching for when you reach for the drink? And when we go there, then we transition into the identity work, the inner healing work. We stop trying to manage the symptom and we start looking at the root, what's underneath it. And that is usually when it starts clicking for my clients. Not because they all of a sudden have like more willpower, but because they finally understand what they're dealing with. And that is available to every woman, but it requires willingness. And willingness sometimes that just takes time to develop. Now I want to say something carefully here because it's important. Can you do this? Yes. Absolutely yes. I have seen women who drink heavily, bottles of wine every night for 20 years find freedom. I was drinking so much at 23 that people who knew me then would not believe who I am or that I'm even here today. Anyone can do this. But you have to develop the willingness. And willingness is not the same as wanting it to want it. Willingness is the point where you say, I am going to do what it takes. I am willing to do the things that I don't want to do. Even removing alcohol from my house, even committing not to buy it myself, even the uncomfortable inner healing work, even when it's hard and the newness has worn off, even after a slip. Sometimes women come to me and they have the willingness, but not quite enough to take the steps that would actually move them forward. And I say this with so much love and compassion because I've been there and I'm still there with some things, right? And that's okay. That's our humanness. But if that's where you're at, you are in the preparation stage. Keep listening to me, keep reading, keep showing up, keep asking questions, keep seeking. Because here's what I know about willingness it grows, especially when you keep inviting God into it. This is not something you have to muscle through alone. You were given gifts by virtue of your baptism. The Lord has equipped you for this journey, He will walk it out with you. And here is what I want you to hold on to when the shame voice gets loud. The Lord wants your freedom even more than you do. I'm gonna say that again. The Lord wants your freedom even more than you do. He's not waiting on the other side of this habit to judge you for how long it took. He is on the other side of it right now, walking with you through it. He's not outside the window. He came in and he's looking for you. He's not just an observer. He is seeking you out, he is looking for you, and he is ready when you are ready to turn to him and say, Lord, I surrender this to you. This is something that I have made an idol of. This is something I have put before whatever it is you are putting it before. Your faith, your family, your commitments, your joy, whatever it is. Now, I keep coming back to Isaiah 43, and I always will because I love it. But today I want to read a little further than verse one. Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Some of you are afraid to let go of alcohol because you don't know what's on the other side. You don't know who you are without it. You don't know if you can handle your emotions, your life, your family, your anxiety without it. And God is saying, when you pass through those waters, I will be with you. They will not overwhelm you. He is not promising it will be easy. He is promising that he will be there every step, even the steps backwards, even the Tuesday night slips, even the moment you stand outside the window wondering if you're allowed in. You are. You are allowed in, and you always have been. Now I want to mention something quickly about the difference between doing this work in a group versus one-on-one. Right now, I am running my soberish summer reset, and it is a powerful experience. And just in the past week, I've watched women have some real breakthroughs inside of it. Just week one. But often there's a level of inner healing work, the deeply personal stuff, the root cause work, the specific things underneath your specific habit that is hard to do in a group setting, not because the group isn't safe, but because some of this is very, very personal. And some women need a space that is entirely their own. And that's what one-on-one coaching is. When a woman invests that kind of time and money in herself, it signals a level of willingness that changes everything. We can go places together that are harder to reach in a group. We can get to your specific root cause, your specific identity work, and your specific healing. If you've been wondering if that's right for you, if you've been circling it and wondering, might the Holy Spirit be nudging you, the link for a clarity call is in the show notes. It's just a conversation, no pressure. You'll leave with so much information and hope. And if you are in the soberish summer reset right now and you are having a can I even do this moment, I want you to hear this episode as a direct answer. Yes, you can. You are not the exception. You are not too far gone. Keep showing up. And if you're not in the reset, it's open all summer. If you haven't joined yet, you can find the link in the show notes. Okay, here's what I want to take with you today. The voice that says you can't do this, that is not God's voice. That, my friend, is the enemy's oldest trick. Entice you in, then condemn you after. You do not have to believe it, you do not have to obey it. You are not too far gone. No one is. I have seen women who drank heavily for decades find genuine freedom. I was one of them in a different way. And what got us there was not willpower. It was willingness and willingness that kept inviting God in. Keep taking action, keep seeking, keep asking, even when you loop back, even when it's hard, and most of all, even when you slip on a Tuesday. The door is open. It has always been open. He's not on the other side of it, waiting for you to get it together before he's ready to talk to you. He's there, he's in this, he is with you. And that's enough to begin. Next week, we are going to get into the neuroscience of what's actually happening in your brain when you crave a drink, because understanding your brain doesn't just make you feel less crazy. It actually gives you tools to work with instead of against it. So that one's gonna be really good. I will talk to you again soon. Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well. And make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic sobriety coach, and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the city.