Welcome to Catholic Sobriety

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christi Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and I am so glad you're here Today . I am welcoming Cindy Strachan , a wife of 37 years , mother of four and proud grandmother of three , who has been walking a powerful path of faith and freedom .

Speaker 1 0:44

After retiring early from her career as an occupational therapist , cindy continued serving others through her small business creating fine motor and sensory kits . She's also been deeply involved in church ministry and Bible studies over the past two decades . Cindy has been alcohol-free since November 6 , 2022 , and is approaching 1,000 days of sobriety . Her journey has included support from Alcoholics Anonymous , a couple of online sobriety coaching communities , a deepening of her Catholic faith and a renewed sense of identity rooted in Christ . She's currently working on a book inspired by Romans 12-2 and even has a tattoo of the verse as a quiet but bold reminder of her transformation . Cindy , I am so honored to have you here . Thank you for being here and welcome to the podcast .

Speaker 2 1:45

Thank you , christy . I am truly so excited . I'm so happy to be here and so honored to have this opportunity to share my journey and my story , and I was so glad when I found you on Instagram . I just couldn't believe it A Catholic sobriety coach . It was great . I'm so excited .

Speaker 1 2:04

Awesome , excited , awesome . Yeah , it's been so great connecting with you there . We've had some great conversations and I've really enjoyed it so much so that I was like , hey , will you come on my podcast ? And you were like sure , so I'm so excited for your yes , so thank you . So , before we get into your path to alcohol freedom , can you just take us back to what your relationship with alcohol looked like earlier in life , like kind of what was modeled for you , and then how it just took up space in your life over time ? Yeah , absolutely .

Speaker 2 2:42

So I , like so many American children and probably children all over the globe , I started early with dabbling in alcohol with my friends in eighth grade , towards the end of eighth grade , and both my parents did not drink . Well , my dad got sober when I was just two or maybe three years old I have to ask an older sibling and my mom never drank . She didn't like the way it tasted or the way it made her feel , and I was like imagine that , because I sure do . But I remember my parents had a liquor cabinet for parties and so there was one evening in the wintertime when my friends and I decided that we would . There was one evening in the wintertime when my friends and I decided that we would try it out . We were so excited and we concocted some vile drink and chased it with Coke or Sprite , and actually we didn't even really get drunk or feel the effects of it , but we pretended that we did . So that just speaks to what our society has embedded in our minds that we as teens young teens or maybe some people college seek this out . Because it was not . It was not modeled .

Speaker 2 3:54

In my home I am the youngest of six my older siblings I really they were . They were partiers , they were hippies , but alcohol was not there . That was not around the house really that I can remember . It was more , it was marijuana . So that's what I remember from as far as what went on in my home . So from there , moving now into ninth grade , I begged my sister to go to a party and she very reluctantly said , yes , I could tag along , and I met my boyfriend , this young man who turned out to be my boyfriend at the time and you know , unfortunately it turned into a very serious and heavy relationship kind of right away . And he was from an affluent neighborhood in Baltimore , he lived in a beautiful stone mansion , he went to an all boys elite school and so my parents would drop me and my friends out there on a Friday , probably guessing what could possibly go wrong here . Well , let me tell you , everything could go wrong there . So it was there that it really became a weekend thing in my life and it just really carved out this very firm neural pathway in my mind that Friday nights were for drinking . Because that's just what we did , and you know it was beer usually , but occasionally there was Southern comfort being chased with Boone's Farm wine , and just I was that girl .

Speaker 2 5:29

I was that girl who got sick every single time , every single time , and you know this , it went on . And then there was there was marijuana smoking in there and some other like hallucinogenic drugs , and I have deep , deep regret about this and I , you know it . Just it just leaves me . It's such a sad place in my heart that I was in this and you know , the relationship just got heavier and heavier and it became abusive and I was abused on four different occasions , one of which was my nose was broken . Another time my face was scalded , I was picked up and tossed out a door and I was dragged across a field wearing a prom gown in the rain . So there's a lot of pain , a lot of pain there , and so I try not to get emotional . So I , you know it ended finally . I mean it was back and forth , back and forth , back and forth .

Speaker 2 6:41

And then I went to college and I just want to say like , so I'm always , I'm very like type A perfectionistic person , so I always did every bit of homework , every single solitary bit of homework . I never drank during the week and this carried over into college , like I rarely . I mean , there were , like some nights where we , you know I would maybe go out with friends and we would do shooters or that kind of thing , but it was really very largely weekends and I really believe it or not , it's kind of opposite here . I didn't really drink or party as hard in college as I did in high school . You know , all the other the marijuana was not like it was in high school and all the other stuff just gone . And so it was in summer of my freshman year of college that I met my husband in Ocean City , maryland . We were , you know , living down there for the summer and they're definitely so . There definitely was drinking that went on during the week down there . Because , if you know , anything about Ocean City , maryland .

Speaker 2 7:53

It's a party town . So we all worked , we worked very hard , but then we went out at night and we drank , and it was , it was always just beer . But I met my husband and he , so he asked me if he could kiss me and I , in that very instant , I said to myself I am not letting this one go , I am , I'm going to marry this man , like I . He was just such a lovely , respectful soul and it is so um fart . It's okay . We um continued . You know , we partied . I mean , he was , uh , he was in graduate school for physics . He's very , very smart . I was in school for occupational therapy and again , we were always we were so serious about our studies , I mean , it was , it was just so primary to me . And so we did . Again , it was a weekend thing , it was never a during the week thing . It was just , that's just what I , that's just what you do , that's just what I did . And it's not like if you're on a diet , you're trying to lose weight , you still want a pepperoni pizza on a Tuesday night , right , I didn't desire it during the week , and that just speaks of our neural pathways , right , it was just the way things were .

Speaker 2 9:16

So then , moving into , we got . I got married when I was just 23 . And I had , we had , our first child when I was 27 and I had four children between the ages of 27 and 35 . And those years are just a blur because he , I , I worked part-time but then I did go . I did was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years 10 and a half years and I just , I don't know , I was just focused on my kids . Nobody got any sleep . We were , you know , we did go out on date nights , we drank , but it was nothing like it was really anything too crazy , though we might've had , like some , you know , there might've been some nights where we overdid it , but it was generally just . I mean , I have a house full of babies and toddlers , so that's where my focus is going . And then let's see .

Speaker 2 10:11

So ,

Early Relationship with Alcohol

Speaker 2 10:13

moving into my 40s , we , um , we knew if we were moving . We had like a dream house we bought and we lost it because my husband's job changed and we ended up moving to Florida for seven months and coming back and I was pregnant with my fourth child and we were just caught in a huge real estate mess where we had a house in Florida that we signed a contract on to be built , and then one still in Baltimore to sell , and we were renting . It was just , it was tight . We finally landed in our house , where we still are today , and we moved here when my youngest was just 11 months old . So things were pretty . As far as drinking goes , pretty wasn't anything crazy .

Speaker 2 11:00

But then , I guess , when my youngest son was about three or four , you know , I started to meet people in the neighborhood through the pool , through the school , through the , you know , and backing up just to my childhood , I kind of felt like I never fit in . I was absolutely terrible in sports . I was last picked for the team . I'm a child of the 70s , that's when the gym teachers would pick team captains who would choose their team , and my best friend and I were never on the same team because we were the last picked . That . So that was like very um , it was so destructive to my self-esteem to be . I hated gym more than anything and I actually built up a resentment towards people who were talented in sports that it's long gone , because my kids played sports and I came to love and respect and honor those that have that talent .

Speaker 2 12:09

So , anyway , started meeting people at the pool and neighbors , and it was still primarily a weekend thing , but it was starting in the summertime to drift into some during the week time . Summertime to drift into some during the week time and it was starting to just at times , like I say , my off switch was faulty about 20% of the time and I started having in my early 40s like really , really horrible hangovers , like where I couldn't keep a thing down . I couldn't even keep a teaspoon of Coke down for hours like up to eight hours , right , and my husband's from Scotland . I ordinarily drink Diet Coke , right , so caffeine-free Diet Coke . So if I was asking for Coke , it was a signal that I had a hangover like like real coke . Being from Scotland , and still to this day he doesn't understand that we like a lot of ice in our drinks and he would bring me like a warm diet coke . Oh , this is all wrong , this is terrible . I need a real coke and I need a lot of ice in it . Anyway , he finally got it again . This didn't happen every weekend , oh my gosh . No , I wouldn't . There's just no way . It didn't happen every weekend . It was about 10 , 20% of the time , but it was so really terrible when it happens .

Speaker 2 13:39

And then I went back to work in occupational therapy . I had worked in pediatrics before . I worked in a variety of settings but I had left pediatrics and then stayed at home and then decided to go into home care because my dad passed through melanoma and I had witnessed his care in home care and I really liked it . It was one-on-one with your patient and I thought that was great . So I worked for a home care agency , I guess starting when I was about 46 , maybe , or 45 , I think . Anyway , I've always been very type A , very perfectionistic , so it was very scary to return to work after being out for so long . But I did a really good job with my patients . I gave 150% every time and my documentation was flawless and we used to peer review other people's charts and I would see like I was just so detailed but also kind of killing myself in the meantime . So I like spending more than I had to in treatment sessions , being on the phone with caregivers , sometimes for up to an hour , also helping to care for my aunt having four kids in home .

Speaker 2 15:06

My husband was traveling a lot . He's always traveled a lot for his kids , so so like again . No drinking during the week , didn't desire it . But let me tell you , when Friday came around , it was time and it was starting to become like . My drink was New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc . That was my , it was my top choice . And anyway , and occasionally , like a cosmo and I'm a fairly a small person I mean , would I like to lose 10 pounds ? Yes , but I mean I'm not . My dmi is normal , whatever .

Speaker 2 15:43

And so you know , if I had , if I have three glasses of wine , I was , that was a lot . I was always trying to like reach this . You know what it was like , this state of euphoria where I was drinking and I was getting too drunk or too buzzed . Well , I'm going to switch to beer , it's time to switch to the beer , and I would switch to beer . Then if I felt that , like my buzz wasn't really where it should be , then I would be back to the wine and it was like beer wine , beer wine . Until I had like this and I smoked too when I drank . I only smoked when I drank , never any other time . Both my parents smoked . So I was always trying to like match up , like when my drink and my cigarette had to end was this whole thing and it just been .

Speaker 2 16:34

As you know , I was a weekend drinker for decades , decades . So it started to be , and we'll get to this part . But I , you know , my dad , was in AA , many , many , many relatives in AA on my dad's side , more than I can probably count , and my own daughter , who is my oldest daughter , is in recovery . And I just started to feel very hypocritical , like how could I be pouring my third glass of wine and expecting my daughter to be sober ? And I just I knew something had to change . It just really bothered me . And so , you know , I would pray , and this is .

Speaker 2 17:31

I was going to church every single weekend . Most Sundays I was really fine because Friday night was my night , but there were some fun days where I wasn't and I would pray dear Jesus , please , not me drink , please not , please , help me not to drink so much next weekend . What kind of prayer is that ? It was never please help me stop drinking . Right , it was please help me not to drink so much . And I just I'm thinking , what does God even do with that prayer ? Like that's the humor , you know . Like I think you're praying the wrong way . Yeah , so so I guess you know , the turning point for me was becoming a grandma and I so my grandson was seven months old at the time three grandchildren , a grandson , three , another grandson at two and one a baby granddaughter at 15 months and one a baby granddaughter at 15 months . And there my phone rang one Saturday morning and it was my daughter saying let's go to the Baltimore Aquarium , let's bring Franklin , my grandson . You know , let's all go , and all the kids , you know everybody was like yeah , that'll be great , let's , let's do that .

Speaker 2 18:53

Well , it happened to be when I was hungover and it wasn't one of my , you know , it wasn't one of my horrible hangovers , but it was a solid hangover and I took some Tylenol and , you know , my headache went away . I wasn't nauseous , thank God , because if I was , I wouldn't have been able to go . And I went , but I was so tired , I was like in my bone of bones . I was so tired and all I could think about the whole day we went out to dinner afterwards was I just want to go home , I want to get in my pajamas and I want to go to bed , you know . And I started thinking this isn't living , this isn't life , this isn't living , you know , where you can't enjoy a day out with your family . And I just started , you know , I started to get really sad about it .

Speaker 1 19:47

So , yeah , well , let me stop you because I just want to unpack so much . So thank you so much for sharing your story and I could see myself in your story . So many points in there . I think we have a lot , a lot in common and I know that a lot of women listening are going to see themselves in different parts of your story as well . So thank you for sharing so honestly and openly and thoroughly like that . I think that we have you mentioned that feeling of like not really ever fitting in . I can totally relate with that .

Speaker 1 20:24

Like when I discovered alcohol I was in high school , but it I'll often say it was like this magic elixir , like it got me friends , it got me a community , it was like the key to everything I ever wanted or thought that I wanted . Right , so I had boyfriends and I had all the things , but it's a lot because of , as you were saying . You know you didn't really have it modeled at your at home , like there wasn't drinking in your home . But that just goes to show how much influence the culture has on us , right ? We see it in movies , on tv , it's in music , it's like everywhere . This is pushed on us . Like to be fun , to have fun , you have to have alcohol .

Speaker 1 21:13

And we live in such an alcohol-soaked culture that of course we're going to think that Of course we're going to think , oh , to have fun , I need this or to fit in , I need this . And it's crazy that alcohol is so toxic to our bodies and our minds and everything and yet if we don't have it , we feel bad about saying no or we feel like we're missing out on something . But you know , if you supplemented it with any other drug , it'd be crazy .

Marriage, Motherhood, and Weekend Drinking

Speaker 1 21:48

I mean , even marijuana is just like . You wouldn't have go somewhere and have somebody be like , oh , you're not , you're not going to have any cocaine today . That's , are you OK ? Like , are you pregnant ? Or are you an addict ? Like , right it just it's crazy . When you put it in perspective that way and hopefully one day you know people will understand and and look at alcohol the way that we do look at cigarettes , right , because that was so prevalent . Everybody was smoking . They could smoke on an airplane , just like sitting next to you .

Speaker 2 22:22

Unbelievable .

Speaker 1 22:22

Yeah , right , and so and that's kind of what alcohol is and has been . It just is everywhere , like going to a mom's group , going doing something at church , there's alcohol . There's people like planning . I was on this planning committee and we were planning like kids things , and it was like , well , maybe we should have alcohol for the adults so that they have fun . And I'm just like , are you kidding me ? But it's , it's a part of , and so .

Speaker 1 22:54

But I see a shift and I know you have seen a shift too , because we've both been involved in seeing that sober movement or , you know , at least people really waking up all the time .

Speaker 1 23:06

It's your story is like it wasn't terrible , like you weren't drinking , falling down drunk every single night , and I think that there's such a perception of what someone who has a , an attachment to alcohol should look like or their life should be like , and that's not how it is . So many of the women I work with and women you know as well , I know through your communities , they have it all together in so many areas , in almost every area of their life , and they're just like , but I have this thing , it's just like , but there's this . And they also think like , well , because I don't look like this . I don't . There's not really help for me Because you know AA , you go to AA and I understand why you did , because that was , you know , something that's familiar with your family and with your you know , you've known about it and it really used to be like the only game .

Speaker 1 24:17

Yeah , and so you don't know to look for other things , because that's what it is and it's great and it leaves a foundation , and I have a lot of love and respect for AA , but it doesn't always fit for everybody .

Speaker 1 24:31

And so you're like , well , I don't , I'm not actually like drinking every night and I'm not like falling down drunk , but Fridays that's the day and , as you noted and I talk about this on my podcast a lot those neural pathways , like you're good through the week , but as soon as Friday comes around , you're like planning , you're thinking , you're scheming , and maybe even throughout the week you're thinking about it , scheming , and maybe even throughout the week you're thinking about it Like I can't wait till Friday .

Speaker 1 24:57

And so it creates like that mental mess in your mind of like , ooh , and then I'll do this and maybe I'll have this and or maybe we'll go here , and it just takes up that space and that mental clarity that you could have and that mental clarity that you could have . So you talked about like the turning point being your , you know , becoming a grandmother , realizing that alcohol is , even though it wasn't like out of control , it was definitely getting in the way of the life that you were really desiring . But and it sounds like you were kind of trying to moderate and things along the way but what do you think kept you stuck in that loop ? And I'm not necessarily just talking about the behavior of drinking , but maybe like the emotions and the identity and self-perception . But maybe like the emotions and the identity and self-perception , like what do you think kept you in that moderation cycle for so long ?

Speaker 2 26:01

Yes , because I the first time I went to AA was in 2017 and I was in for three months and I I I had a bad experience in AA . Again , I am so grateful for that program . It has saved my father and millions of people all over the world and many people that I love . But I could not and I know they say comparing out in AA I sat there and I could not relate to the stories and I couldn't even relate to a lot of the feelings because they were like , well , they would say , if you can't relate to the stories , then relate to the feelings . But I sounds terrible . I didn't really have a lot of self-loathing . I mean , I did definitely have regret and I I didn't see myself as selfish , if anything , anything and this is going to maybe not sound right but I felt like I was selfish to myself because I was so like it's caught up in perfectionism and being everything for everybody else and that my stress levels were through the roof by Friday . So I couldn't relate to that and you know , not everybody that walks in the rooms of AA has the same story . And I remember saying like I didn't lie about my drinking . I really didn't and I also didn't hide bottles , and I know a lot of people do . And I had somebody go behind me when I said that I didn't . In fact and I think I said this to you I was sort of the opposite . I was kind of obnoxious , like if we went out to dinner and I wanted to continue drinking , you know we would get home and I'd be like , oh , we don't have anything . You got to go out and get my Sauvignon Blanc and you know , when my kids were older , I was like , hey , if you're out , can you stop by ? Because they were of age , didn't you ? So I didn't . I was the opposite of that , and you know , I mean , if I really must be honest , did I hide ? Well , when my daughter was in recovery , if I knew she was coming over and I wanted to drink , I would maybe drink before she came , or I would maybe put it in a Stanley cup or something like that . But I didn't like high bottles , I didn't lie in the traditional sense , and so that was one reason and I compared out , I couldn't relate . And I had a meeting with a woman that was going to be my potential sponsor and we met in a diner for three hours and I was going to be going to Boston and she asked if I was going to go to an AA meeting in Boston and I said no , I'm not . And then she pounded her fist on the table and said thanks for wasting my time . I thought you said you would do what it takes . And so I went to Boston and we went to a bar and I ordered a beer , you know , and I was like I'm done , and we went .

Speaker 2 29:11

I went back in in 2019 for one month and again same thing . I compared out . And then I found the Sober Scythes and I did their 21 day reset and I was sober for about 45 days , but that group fell apart . In my online group of that , the women I was grouped with just disintegrated . I was like , okay , so then I ended up going because I could , I could moderate , I could moderate until I couldn't and I moderate for months at a time . I could moderate for three , four or five months , stop at one or two , but I can tell you , many of those times I was frustrated . I wanted more , I wanted more and , as I heard somewhere , like you take a drink , the drink takes a drink , and then the drink takes you , and so eventually it was too exhausting and I was was just like I'm pouring that third glass of wine . And when I went to that third one , I was on the train , on the runaway train , and anyway , I ended up .

Speaker 2 31:30

I went back to AA in 2022 for five months . I had a sponsor . She was very sweet , she was very lovely , but she was going through , she was getting ready to leave her husband and she was really just not doing well mentally and I just went back out drinking and I felt like maybe I was supporting , I was white knuckling a little bit . I also , again , could not relate , could not relate , could not relate . So she led me to ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics and I ended up doing a six-week course through that in one summer and that was very , very helpful . And I actually know some people that have become sober through ACA , believe it or not .

Speaker 1 32:16

Oh , that's great .

Speaker 2 32:17

Yeah , so , anyway . So then I thought , oh my gosh , do I go back ? Because then , you know , the grandson comes into the story . And I was like you know the trip to the aquarium . And I was like this has to go , Like once and for all , this has to go . So I started seeing a therapist and I was like , don't go back to AA , or do I do services ? Well , I do what I do . And she said well , I don't know , but I'm getting tired of hearing you talk about it , Pray about it . By our next meeting you will tell me what you decided to do . Tough love .

Speaker 1 33:13

So that was it . I did Sober Sis in November 6 , 2022 . That was it . No matter what it is , and sometimes not , sometimes all the time it takes a while . Right , we have to get to that stage of readiness and there are these different

Turning Point: Aquarium Trip Revelation

Speaker 1 33:27

stages of change and some of it starts , you know , with information gathering , self-reflection , gaining awareness , trying a lot of this work that I do , like with my lab and I know , in Sober Sis I'm sure she does it too . It's just a lot of like , exploration and curiosity and keeping track of , like , how you feel before and during and after you drink .

Speaker 1 33:53

And you know , because you don't know , if you don't know and I've even had people ask me because they don't know they didn't see me in my heyday , if you will but they're like are you sure that you really had a problem with alcohol or maybe did you just ? Was it just a phase ? Could I moderate if I started now ? I don't know , maybe , but I'm not willing to introduce that Like . It's not worth it to me it's not worth . It is moderation or can I moderate , or something like that , because I think that that's a question that so many people have . Can I moderate ? And it's more about like is it worth it to you ? Like , is that mental gymnastics ? Or you know , like making a promise or making a commitment and then , for whatever reason and sometimes they're , they feel and sound like really good reasons why to just go ahead and have the drink . It could be like oh , I haven't seen this person in a long time . Oh , my friend poured me an extra glass and I didn't want to waste it . You know it . Could you know ?

Speaker 1 35:14

Going off plan or not really sticking to those boundaries , even if it is just like one day a week , that still can be too much and that's not something that I could tell somebody . They have to find that for themselves , just like you did . You're like this took away from what should have been a beautiful day with my family and I literally never want that to happen again . And so that is such a grace right that you just had that and realized like it's not worth it to me . I need to cut it out .

Speaker 1 35:55

Now somebody else might be like you know what ? I can do it once a week , or I can do it just on special occasions , and it doesn't flare up those you know desires to continue or to have more , and if that's where you're at . That's great , but I don't know how people do it . I can't . I can't do that . But I love that you're sharing this and that you're here , because I know so many women can identify with that and we don't want to ever look at it with shame . It's just like getting curious and figuring out what that big why is . And in AA they say like , are you willing to do anything to cut it out ? And we're not always there . We're not even always there to reduce it Right .

Speaker 2 36:50

Right , yeah , I was , you know it was . I heard a voice in my head which I came to discern as the voice of God , the Holy Spirit that was . I can remember where I was driving . It was a Tuesday morning and I just heard this don't drink . And I was like where did that come from ? I didn't even drink last weekend .

Speaker 2 37:11

I was really goofed at it and I just I really and firmly believe it was the voice of God . I know it truly was and it's just a matter of putting your will aside and following God's will for your life . And it is not easy , but it does get easier , and I have been . Yeah , I mean I have been graced with . I no longer have been graced with , I no longer desire it . It holds zero value in my life anymore , something that I used to look so forward to . I'm just not even fazed by it .

Speaker 2 37:51

And that is such a beautiful thing and again speaks to neuroplasticity , the renewal of the mind , which is why I got this tiny tattoo , and my church happened to do a message series on , I believe I'm not sure if it was called Renewal of the Mind . It might have been , but they talked about this a lot . Within that series , I go to a very vibrant Catholic church in Timonium , maryland in Baltimore County . That turned my faith around . I mean I went from feeling like I should go to church on Christmas and Easter to not wanting to get back every week and getting involved in the church and small groups and everything . And if anybody had ever told me 24 years ago now that I would ever be a church person and do Bible studies and be in small groups , I would tell them they were crazy . You couldn't possibly be talking about me .

Speaker 2 38:44

And it's Church of the Nativity in Timonium . I'm giving it a shout out , can anybody ? It's really just changed my life and definitely the reason why I came to listen to the voice of God . And , yeah , I just got louder and louder and I felt like I really need to do this and you know again also supporting my daughter , it , just everybody . And then I learned what alcohol does to the human body . Right , right .

Speaker 2 39:18

If you've ever listened to Dr Andrew Huberman ? Right , right , if you've ever listened to Dr Andrew Huberman , he has a two-hour podcast on what it does and it literally affects every single body system . And I also learned that for women , anything over seven or more drinks a week is considered heavy drinking . Seven or a week , right . So what about all these people that are having a glass or two of wine every night ? That's double the limit and it truly like I . I don't look at anybody that drinks with judgment . I really , really don't . I mean , I speak out about it on my instagram page . I share other people's posts about the dangers of alcohol , and not in judgment at all , but just because there are no labels . There's no labels here in the United States . I think maybe Ireland is starting to put them on , so I just I feel like we , as citizens have the right to know this is really dangerous . It's as dangerous as cigarettes . People , yeah .

Speaker 1 40:24

I mean it's a group . It's a group one carcinogen . So it's right up there with asbestos and cigarette smoking . So it is . I love Dr Huberman . I'll actually link that video in the show notes because I give it to everybody .

Speaker 2 40:39

I am like you need to you need to watch this I mean , that helped me stay stopped too , because I was like yeah .

Speaker 1 40:46

Oh but he says , he says this thing and it's so true . It's like , do what you want , but know what you're doing , and you know that applies to so much Like some people are like I'm not . You know , I know sugar isn't great for me , but I choose to have it sometimes . Or you know we choose to do certain things that we know are always the best for us , but we do them . Or you know whatever it is , but just know what you're doing , because it may really help you decide not to do it at all , or as much at least , or and really consider it because it is so harmful . And as women in midlife right , we , we process it like so much different , we metabolize it so much different . And so you're not crazy . When you're in perimenopause or postmenopause and you're like I cannot drink like I used to , like it's affecting me in crazy ways . You're right , it is . It absolutely 100% is .

Speaker 2 41:46

Even one , two glasses .

Speaker 1 41:49

Yes . So it is one of those things Like , if you know like I have friends that are lactose intolerant , they'll be like I'm going to go ahead and have this . Well , I can't really eat ice cream either . So if I'm going to have some ice cream , I just know like I'm not going to feel good the next day . So I just kind of like plan for it and if , for some crazy reason , I do feel good , then that's just a gift , right .

Speaker 1 42:13

But again , that goes to do what you want , but know what you're doing . Is it going to affect you the next day ? Do you not have anything going and you're fine with it , okay , or do you think it's not worth it ? Like , I want to feel good when I wake up tomorrow . I want to be proud of my choices . I want to . If someone is like , hey , let's go do this , I want to be up for the adventure , whatever it is Exactly , yeah , I think it's so . It's so important to gather the information and again , that moves us through those stages of change and readiness and helps us develop that why . So we know why ? Because once you know why , then you can work on the how and that's what you've done . So what has been the most helpful in your journey . So you talked about AA . You talked about , like the alcoholics adult . Is it adult , children of ?

Speaker 2 43:15

alcoholics .

Speaker 1 43:16

Yeah , and then the online communities that you've been in , and the online communities that you've been in .

Speaker 2 43:33

What do you think even if you're extracting a little bit of each one do you think has been the most helpful for you in your journey ? Well , I think it's really just a blending of programs , because I think there's so much beauty in each program and even the sober community on Instagram has been so great and just finding you and the podcast prayer , getting really quiet and alone with God every single day , which I was doing , but it's been more regularly . Also , going to adoration chapel . I would like to increase my time there , but that's something that I never did before stopping and just kind of . I don't know if I'm answering your question , but I used to .

Speaker 2 44:16

I care too much about what other people thought of me and I don't want to say I don't care what people think , because that would make you a , and I used to . I care

Faith Journey and Finding Freedom

Speaker 2 44:19

too much about what other people thought of me and I don't want to say I don't care what people think , because that would make you a psychopath , right , I mean , of course , I care what people think , but just , I am so much more confident . I mean to be able to come here on this podcast . This is something I could have never done this podcast . This is something I could have never done and I'm just embracing who I am , who God made me to be , a child of God made in his image and likeness , and just trying to be the best person that I can be . I mean , we'll never get there right , I mean , none of them are perfect , but taking stock more regularly of my actions , my thoughts , just I don't know .

Speaker 1 45:10

I don't know if I'm answering your question , but Well , and I think and I didn't even mention or talk about this because I had got off on a tangent , but I loved that you mentioned , like your faith journey in that as well , I mean , even though you had you've been Catholic and going to church and all of that but you just I think a lot of times people think that in letting something go they're going to like have empty hands . You know what I mean Like you let it go and then there's nothing there . But you've been able to fill that . And , like you said , now you're a church person and I can completely identify with that because growing up I just didn't . We went to church and you know I love the Lord and all of that . I just never saw myself co-coordinating a Bible study at my parish like I do or being so involved , having my whole family so involved in my parish , and you know I did encounter school of ministries which is very Holy Spirit , charismatic and healing and I just love all of that so much .

Speaker 1 46:18

And so I think sometimes we think that we're just letting something go .

Speaker 1 46:23

But when we let things go and we have our hands open , then God can fill that right .

Speaker 1 46:28

He can fill that with goodness , he can fill that with things like conversations that maybe we would have missed out on or would have been a little blurry or hazy if we had been drinking , or experiences like what you said being present with your family at the aquarium but not really being there fully because you didn't feel well from the night before . And so I think if I could just say to everyone like you're not letting go of something just to be bored and not be fun and not be part of a crowd and just have to look like an outsider , like you said it too , like it's not about people pleasing and people pleasing this is a whole nother podcast , but it can really keep us stuck in the alcohol cycle because we don't want to . We don't want people first of all to look at us and think what's up with her , but we also feel rude sometimes declining a drink , and it's like well , if you were a vegetarian , would you feel rude declining a hamburger ? No , you wouldn't , but it's the same thing ?

Speaker 2 47:43

No , you wouldn't , but it's the same thing Absolutely . But I just want to back up . So I was a church person long before I got sober , but I feel . So what I feel now , the gift of sobriety is being in alignment with God's will for my life and being in alignment with my daughter . In alignment with my daughter , and you know , I lost a lot of friends when I got sober and I was excluded from an outing one time . So at first I was very angry about it , but then I was like you know what ? Let me think about this when I was drinking I really didn't want to hang around people that weren't drinking because I was afraid of being judged . But God has poured so many people into my life and that is such a blessing . I mean , I have met so many people and people that are speaking , that are being honest with themselves and speaking truthfully . You know truth into their life , and that is a real attraction to me to be with people that are really speaking truth into their own lives .

Speaker 1 48:54

Right , yeah , that authenticity , because then you can feel like you're being authentic , you know , being supportive of your daughter , being your authentic self to others . And I have . You know , I have navigated social situations for 28 years without alcohol and it is not without . It's like chaos , right it's . I've gone to many a play date or something where there's alcohol , or not been invited to something because there's alcohol and they know I don't drink and they are afraid I'm going to be uncomfortable . Or people make it weird because they're like , oh , we're having this , what can we get you ? Do you want ? You know ? And I'm just , yeah , yeah , I will , it's fine , I'm fine , like you don't have to ask for what I want .

Speaker 2 49:41

Yeah , no , I know it's , it can be awkward , but I so I am really about being sober , loud , yes , exhausting the stigma , because the stigma surrounding it has to go . And I really like a lot of NA beverages . There's some really good NA sparkling white wines , and you know , I once had somebody say to me oh , you must be really wanting it because you're drinking this . No , no , no , I just want something celebratory that isn't a Diet Coke or an iced tea , and I because , first of all , if I drink whatever , any caffeine past about three , it keeps me up at night . So you know , I do like an NA beer or a mocktail , or , and I truly enjoy that . I really , really do . And there's so much out there and actually the NA industry is just exploding and , as you probably know , the Gen Zers are just about not really basically not drinking , and so it's catching on and you know it's very , very exciting .

Speaker 1 50:47

I tell people I'm like the only thing that like anything . So when I was in AA , they didn't really like it if you had any stuff , and so that was another thing of why I left , because I was like , well , it doesn't bother me , it's not triggering to me . It could be triggering to somebody else but not me . Yes , it could , yeah , but and I never talked about it . I tried not to talk about it in meetings after that . But I , when I first stopped , I would have like O'Doul's or Beck's I mean , those are like the only things that were really available and I'm glad that they were around .

Speaker 1 51:21

And I was a beer drinker and so I was always like , oh man , if Black Butte Porter ever comes out with a non-alcoholic beer , I will be so excited . And like last year , my husband found it and I was like , get out . Like only only 28 years later you know whatever . But you're right , there's so much out there . There's sparkling wines . Actually , when I was working , my boss one time he was giving out like champagne for people , like bottles of champagne for New Year's , and he knew I didn't drink and he found I didn't even know it existed a non-alcoholic champagne at that time because I was always used to my sparkling apple cider , which was fine or whatever , but he found that and I was like , are you kidding ?

Speaker 1 52:07

He's like , yeah , and this was quite a few years ago , but it's really exploded . Like you said , there's there's spirits and all kinds of things and it and you can make it fun and you can make it celebratory and the best thing about it is like celebratory and the best thing about it is like I feel , when I drink that stuff , like how somebody who doesn't have the attachment to alcohol or doesn't have that desire to like they have an off switch . It's not , it doesn't cause any chaos for them at all . Like my husband , I I kind of get the feeling that I know how to drink like a quote , unquote normal person , because I can have one and like I'm done , like I'm like that's exactly what I wanted and I can have , I have it in my fridge and I have no drama of like , oh no , it's over there , I need to have it .

Speaker 2 53:03

It's beautiful . It's like God has graced us with this . It is gone . I don't care . You can drink Sauvignon Blanc in front of me . New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc . Yeah , thank you , yeah .

Speaker 1 53:15

That is such freedom .

Speaker 2 53:17

Yeah , yeah it's it's freedom all the way around and it takes it takes a while to get there .

Speaker 1 53:23

So just get comfortable with the discomfort . That's what I always tell people Like it's going to be uncomfortable , it's going , just like anything right . Going to the gym is uncomfortable when we start going . Starting a new prayer regimen can be uncomfortable at first . Right , because we're having to really set aside time and make sure that we're consistent and , as you noted , like our neurotransmitters and everything have to reset and we have to make those those new pathways , and that's going to take time .

Speaker 1 53:53

I always just picture like a big , huge field of like super tall grass and you have these paved ways that you've gone like so many times , and they're clear and they're bald and you don't have to worry about it and that's what our alcohol habit is . But once we start a new habit , we have to start pounding down that grass . We're going to have to start cutting it down . It's going to be scratchy , like it's just . That's always what I picture when I'm talking about it , because it takes time , but that will be a path soon and that other path starts to grow over . It starts to get overgrown and then it becomes so easy .

Speaker 2 54:35

It really does . It's so for all everybody listening out there . I promise you it gets easier . It really really does and it goes away . That's the beauty of our brains is that we can rewire them . And yeah , it's just a gift , it really is .

Speaker 1 54:53

It is . It is . So , before we close , I was just wondering if there was something that you would tell a woman who maybe was like you , who maybe was like you maybe not day one , but maybe I don't know six months before you actually made that decision . Like I'm done , like what would you tell her ? As she's discerning , she's gathering information , like she's wondering alcohol I don't have an alcohol problem , like to go to AA , but it's definitely becoming a problem for me . What would you say to her ?

Speaker 2 55:29

Number one you don't have to call yourself an alcoholic to stop drinking . I do not . That term is obsolete . It hasn't been used in the medical community for 25 years . It's alcohol use disorder , and gray area drinker is a big term that many people are using and it's a much softer term to take . So that's the first thing . And then I would

Socializing Sober and Being Loud

Speaker 2 55:50

stop asking yourself if you have a problem and start asking yourself if you can do better . If you can do better . Are you the best version of yourself ? Are you truly , honestly , the best version of yourself ? Can you improve ?

Speaker 2 56:08

And then , if you do feel a nudge or you hear a little voice and it keeps repeating and repeating and repeating , it's the Holy Spirit and I would say lean into it . Go somewhere silent , go to adoration and go for a hike in the woods . Sit on the beach by yourself , sit there , unplug and just listen and try to really discern what it's saying to you and , as hard as it might be and as much as you don't want to follow it , just try following it . Try following it because it will lead you where you need to be , where you want to be . You'll come to find out where you actually want to be , and then I just want to say , like socializing , because that was a big hurdle for me . We talked about this a little bit . That part gets easier and for me , what made it easier was that I stopped maybe going up to the bartender and saying can you pour this NA beer in a glass , because I don't want anybody to know Is I am like out with it . I've walked in parties with my non-alcoholic beer and announced like to the bartender can you ?

Speaker 2 57:19

At first , you know , the first time I did that , I felt like I was going to pass out . I was like I can't believe I did this , you know , and people's eyes are on you . I'm like did I just hear what I thought I heard ? Yeah , you heard so . And then just be be out loud with it . So I , I made a post on Facebook and Instagram . Okay , when I hit a year and I , when I hit that send button , again , I felt like I was going to pass out . Oh my gosh , I can't believe . I just put this out there . But you know what ? I've had three people reach out to me , three people . So if you get to the point where you do , stop be loud with it , don't be ashamed . We got to crush the stigma . You've got to go . There should be no shame surrounding it and um yeah .

Speaker 1 58:10

I love that . Thank you so much . Yeah , I love that you mentioned that about your Facebook post and people reaching out to you , because that's what I tell people all the time , like as uncomfortable as it is when we're we and we are out loud with our sobriety , like I would tell people . When I first got sober , I told people everything like way more than they wanted to know or needed to know , because I was like if I tell them , then I have accountability , right . I was thinking that be like that . But at the same time , you never know who you're going to inspire to examine their drinking , or you will be that soft space for them to land , because so many times people do quietly reduce or eliminate their alcohol which , however you do , it is fine . But when you can kind of share it a little bit in whatever way you know works for you maybe it's not a Facebook post , maybe it's just a little mention , like I don't really drink anymore you never know who that could really help , because then they know like , oh , I can go to Cindy because she understands , or I can ask her questions because I know she's not going to judge me . And then the other thing that you said a while ago too . I just want people to really hear what you said about like , yes , you lost friends when you got sober , but that's not the worst thing , because that says a lot more about them than it does about you , because you and your sobriety made them uncomfortable . Because then they have to look at themselves and their drinking , even though you're not judging them and you don't care , and you're like you're making your choice for you , I'm making my choice for me .

Speaker 1 59:51

I think a lot of times it can go both ways , like we think people are judging us who aren't , and they think we're judging them and we're not . But just know , like , just once you step into that confidence and you're like you know what . They don't have to wake up with my choices . I have to wake up with my choices . They don't have to live my life . I have to live my life so they can do what they want to do and I'll do what I want to do . And if it's that they don't feel comfortable having me around , just try to remain very unbothered by that fact and just know , like , like you were saying , your identity as is a beloved daughter of God , like that's , that's all that you need to know you don't need a label . You don't need , like you said , no alcoholic , not even gray area drinking or anything Like . You don't have to label yourself anything .

Speaker 1 1:00:44

You're just making a choice , right ?

Speaker 2 1:00:47

No , I mean , my son just got engaged and his fiance just rarely drinks , you know , and there's more and more people like that .

Speaker 1 1:00:57

It's so good and I know I love hearing . As a mom of Gen Z kids , I love hearing that they're not interested in it and I have seen it with my boys and their friends . And my kids have grown up in a home where my husband drinks very minimally . I don't drink at all and I'm like you . Whenever I have had a non-alcoholic beverage of any kind , I'm like this is mommy's fake beer or this is my state wine , and so they know like mom does not drink but she still can have like a fun drink or whatever she wants to have .

Speaker 2 1:01:34

I mean you truly can have fun and that's a thing that in my brain it was like inextricably linked with having fun . Guess what it's not . You can have fun without it . That's the other . Don't tell anybody who's listening .

Speaker 1 1:01:46

You really really can have fun without it yeah , and that brings me to your , your whole scripture , that you love the renewal of the mind . It really is a renewal of the mind . Actually , in my lab I have a module on the renewal of the mind with all these different videos and and tools in there , because it's so important and it really is just reframing our thoughts , reframing how we see ourselves and how in recognizing how God sees us . So , with that , do you want to let anybody know , like , where they can find you ? Because I'm excited . I can't wait for your book whenever it comes out .

Speaker 2 1:02:27

Oh gosh it's a project , I'm not a writer .

Speaker 1 1:02:29

No rush , because I've been trying to write a book for a long time , so I know how that goes . But let us know , like , where they can find you if you want to . I don't , I don't know if you have a website or whatever for your little , for your things .

Speaker 2 1:02:44

That you miss ? No , i't , but I have an Instagram page and an Etsy page . I mean , honestly , I have not poured that much into my business . It's mainly been vendor events like church fairs and that sort of thing , community fairs , and then an occasional request , like I made a kit for a boy with CP who's 20 years old and I started making infant kits because it was generally ages three and up .

Speaker 1 1:03:09

But anyway .

Speaker 2 1:03:10

OT on Instagram and so you know , isn't this terrible ? And I have to check because I've changed it so many times . It is OT finger fidgets and fun , ot finger fidgets and fun . And my kids and I it's such a hard time coming up they were like I need to change it , but it's OT Finger Fidgets and Fun . I do not have a website yet . And then my other Instagram is Renewal of the Mind , so they can find me there and I'm on Facebook but I don't have any pages related to my sobriety there , but I have shared , like I say , I keep sharing very openly and loud about it .

Speaker 1 1:03:53

Well , I'll share your Instagram so people if they want to connect with you . Like I said , I'm sure your story is going to really resonate with so many and I just really appreciate you stepping out and sharing your story and living your sobriety out loud , and it's been such a blessing and pleasure to talk to you today .

Speaker 2 1:04:13

Thank you , christy , I really appreciate this opportunity .

Speaker 1 1:04:16

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend , who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at thecatholicsobrietycoach . I look forward to speaking to you next time , and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone .