Journey to Sobriety and Faith

Speaker 1 0:01

Hi everyone , I'm starting off this podcast a little bit different . First of all , I just want to thank all of you for listening , for being with me , for sharing this podcast with others . Today is the two-year anniversary of the start of my podcast , and I could not do this without you . Well , I guess I could just talk to myself , but it's so much more fun with friends , am I right ? So thank you so much for being here . Thank you for all of your encouraging words , your comments , your support and just being here and pushing play . I thank you so much .

Speaker 1 0:40

Now , today's episode is a little bit different . Also , this is an interview that I did with Dr Karen Silva on her podcast Forgiveness Is For you Overcoming Trauma Through Forgiveness . Dr Karen interviewed me . We talked about my own journey of forgiveness , and then we talk about the holidays and how the presence of alcohol can bring anxiety , both for those who drink and those who love people who drink . So you do not want to miss this episode . Definitely go over and check out Dr Karen's podcast . Again , it's called Forgiveness is for you . She has an amazing lineup of guests . She shares so much wisdom and insight and I know that you will be blessed by listening to her . So stick around , listen to the episode and again , thank you and God bless bless Friends , our guest today I'm so excited to introduce to you .

Speaker 2 1:51

I actually appeared on her podcast to talk about forgiveness and today I am welcoming Christy Walker , who is known as the Catholic sobriety coach . She is a wife , a mom of three , a life and sobriety coach , speaker and host of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast . Having lived an alcohol-free life for over 27 years , she specializes in helping other Catholic women experience alcohol freedom so they too can enjoy living fully present , fully alive and fully claiming their true identity in Christ . Welcome .

Speaker 1 2:33

Christy . Hi , karen , thank you so much for having me today . It's a pleasure to be with you .

Speaker 2 2:39

Yes , I'm so excited . The first thing I always ask guests is what's your story , what's your big , why ? Why are you doing this work ?

Speaker 1 2:49

So my story begins with my first drink of alcohol , I guess , and why I'm doing what I'm doing and why I do the work that I do . It came down to really just wanting to be part of a group , wanting to be liked . I was searching for an identity and I found that when I found this magical elixir , alcohol when I was in high school and the thing with me is that I actually never drank , quote , unquote , normally I got super intoxicated the very first time that I consumed alcohol and pretty much every time . After that , I went through my high school years with a group of friends . They were , you know , a great group of friends , but we just drank and partied as much as we could , honestly , and not during the week , but definitely on the weekends , and we had parents that would buy us alcohol and let us drink in the house and thought they were cool for doing that , and so I had access to it . My mom didn't know about it , but you know I had access to that and as I kept going through the years , it just didn't really stop .

Speaker 1 4:01

I kept drinking after high school . I was going to go to college , but I dropped out after a semester . I just wanted to have a job . I just wanted to party and drink and do all that . So of course I gravitated to those people who were doing those things . And then my family and I moved from . I used to live in Idaho . We moved to the Pacific Northwest . I wasn't really sure I wanted to , but my mom knew that things weren't going right with me , that I wasn't making the best choices , and she I was 19 at the time and she just really urged me to please come with her and my stepdad and my brother . So I did and for a while I didn't drink . Things went really well . But as you do when you have this addiction , I just ended up finding those people that drink and I kept doing that .

Speaker 1 4:53

Of course , after I turned 21 , it didn't get better , it got worse , because then I could buy my own alcohol and it got more dangerous because , I'm ashamed to say , but I was driving and doing lots of things I shouldn't have been doing . I was like burning through roommates , like crazy , because people could only take me for so long . I should say that I'm a cradle Catholic , but I had just kind of . It's not that I didn't believe in God anymore , or even that I didn't identify as Catholic , because I did , but I just didn't really feel like God really cared that much about me and what I was doing and I kind of felt like maybe I had already burnt that bridge , so to speak . And so I just kind of went about my life just doing whatever I wanted , whatever I thought would bring me happiness , bring me joy , whether that was people , whether that was things , and it was definitely alcohol .

Speaker 1 5:51

And then one night my roommates had moved and I was getting ready to go to my next place , that I was going to go to my next roommate , and I had drunk myself , passed out , blacked out , whatever . And this evening was different . I actually woke up very scared because I felt like there were two hands around my neck choking me . I felt like I was being choked and it was so I can still feel it when I even talk about it . And I looked up and there was just like this dark , looming , oppressive figure over me and I was like , okay , this is it , like I'm not going to make it , I'm going to die . But then all of a sudden there was like this lighter figure that kind of came up over and , like , took that dark figure away and said not yet . And so I wish that I could say that in that moment , like it changed everything and I stopped drinking and I went back to church and everything . But it didn't really work like that . However , I can say that that was really a moment that was a turning point for me , because I realized like maybe God is fighting for me , maybe God doesn't want this for me , maybe this isn't the life that he has destined for me , and I didn't really screw everything up . It took me a really long time to work through all of that mess , but I can say that that was like that time .

Speaker 1 7:15

I did keep drinking . It just really wasn't the same for me , but I just did continue with it . And when I was like 23 , continue with it . And when I was like 23 , I had a job . And then my roommate at the time there her mom was my boss and her mom was like Christy , if you don't stop drinking , you're going to lose your job because you're not very dependable , and all of that . And I loved the work that I did . I wasn't excited to hear that . And then my roommate also said if you don't get cleaned up and do something , stop drinking , you're going to have to find another place to live and I moved like every year for like seven years I mean . I just moved constantly . I felt like , and I didn't really want to do that .

Speaker 1 7:56

So I checked myself into an outpatient treatment . I think I was sober for 90 days . I wasn't really excited to be there . I wasn't really happy about the people there . I felt not . I just didn't feel like I was like any of them . I'm like I'm not that bad . I had never gotten a DUI , never . I haven't lost a home or a family or a job or you know . Well , I almost did . But so I just kind of had that mentality like I am so much better than all these people and so I didn't take it as seriously as I should have . I did go through that program .

Speaker 1 8:29

I think I got 90 days , but after that I was still doing everything I normally did going to the bars , just like glaring at everybody because they were drinking and I wasn't able to , and all of that I started drinking again . But this time it really really wasn't like it was before , where I would feel a lot of like guilt about it . And it finally got to the point where I'm like , christy , if you do not stop drinking , you are going to die , you are going to end up homeless , you are going to hurt someone . You know like there's some really terrible things that are going to happen to you if you do not stop this right now . And so one night I just was like , okay , god , this is it . Like I'm just going to drink myself until I pass out and I'm going to wake up in the morning and not do it anymore . And I did that , and by the grace of God , I did that .

Speaker 1 9:24

I did not do that alone . And so when I told my mom about it later , she said well , do you know what day that is ? Do you know your sobriety day ? Do you know what that is ? And I was like I don't know . And she's like that's , it's . My grandma and I had a super close relationship and so that meant a lot to me . So that was like extra incentive , like not to screw it up , like this has to be my sobriety date , like you cannot mess this up .

Speaker 1 9:54

And then my mom had a friend who had been in Alcoholics Anonymous for a really long time and she came and visited and talked to me about Alcoholics Anonymous . She took me to my first meeting , but it wasn't in a place where I would regularly go , so that wasn't a meeting I could continue to go to because I was in a different state . But she was like , okay , now you need to do this on your own , you need to get yourself to your own meeting . And she told me how to find one and all of that . So I did that and I remember sitting in the car just being like I am not going in there , I am not going in there , but I did . I ended up walking in the door and I ended up sharing my story and I told them . I'm like , quite honestly , I didn't want to come in here . I would not not be in here except for the fact that I feel like God just picked me up and like brought me in here because there was nothing in me that wanted me to be here today and everyone was really supportive I was the youngest that was there at that time and at most of the meetings that I went to , but everybody was always really supportive and and loving to me and I stayed there for a couple of years .

Spiritual Awakening and Healing Journey

Speaker 1 11:07

I attended AA , I should say for a couple of years , and then I just as I started growing into faith . I just kept moving more and more towards the Lord , and so I just kind of saw it as like this is God and I and we're going through this Now . I didn't really work any program , so to speak . I just stayed sober and I just grew in faith and just matured just as a person in general , just tried to be a good person . And so for two and a half like two decades , 20 years , 25 years actually I didn't even really tell many people about my alcoholism or that I was a recovering alcoholic . My husband knew we met like well , after I was sober I had been sober for quite a while and my mom knew and I would tell friends and like certain people , but it wasn't something that I really talked about .

Speaker 1 12:02

In AA they really kind of drill it into you like you need to give back to others what was so freely given to you . So I had kind of played around with the idea of maybe becoming an alcohol counselor , becoming a psychologist , like all of these different things , but none of them , nothing just really felt right for me . And so I had a digital marketing business that I had built up and I was looking to maybe build that up even more . So I contacted a Catholic business coach and I was working with her and through that I was like I really think that God is calling me to coaching and I had felt him kind of calling me out of my secular digital marketing business . But I didn't know what that meant and I tried lots of things and nothing was it . And so when I said that to her , she's like great , who are you going to coach ? And I was like I don't know . So she's like well , take that to the Lord , pray with him , invite the Holy Spirit in and ask . And so I was like no-transcript .

Speaker 1 13:31

And my mom brought me a coin and anybody who's in AA or knows much about it knows that there are these coins that they give you or medallions that represent the year of sobriety that you have just to commemorate it . I hadn't gotten one of these since I was two years sober . So I was like oh , that's nice , you know , I thought that was just a nice gesture . She and my husband always remember my sobriety date but I didn't really think much about it . But in that moment God was like no , this isn't just for you anymore . Like I've equipped you , I'm calling you and now you need to help others . So I told my business coach I'm like , well , I guess God wants me to help women in recovery like me , and so that's where it started . And I thought I was just going to work with women in recovery doing life coaching , because you know , when we stop drinking , everything doesn't magically get better . Like there's a lot of other work that needs to be done .

Speaker 2 14:27

Yes , and so yeah yeah .

Speaker 1 14:30

And so I was like , well , I'll work with women with like a year or more sober , so you know , to do more life coaching stuff and and I have and I did . But then God kept showing me these women who wouldn't necessarily ever go to a 12 step program . They're not quote unquote addicts , but they are definitely bothered by the amount of alcohol they are drinking and how often they are drinking and they are feeling extremely out of control . And these women , most of them , on the outside they look like they have it all together , like they're doing the mom stuff , the wife stuff , the church stuff , business stuff , but inside they're just like feeling so much guilt and shame around how much they're drinking or the fact that it's increasing so much , and many of them have backgrounds of like family members that drink and they're like I don't want to get there . So those women didn't really have anyone to turn to or talk to or figure out like how to even find out what level of sobriety would be good for them . And so that's where the Lord again was like you're going to stand in the gap and you're going to be there . And that was a hard mind shift for me because I've always been pretty black and white . That's where the Lord again was like you're going to stand in the gap and you're going to be there .

Speaker 1 15:52

And that was a hard mind shift for me because I've always been pretty black and white , like either you can drink or you can't drink . Like my husband can drink . He can have one or two and he's good , like that's it . And I don't understand that . My brain is like what , how can you do that ? But then there's people like me who just can't . But there is this whole gray area of people who just kind of moderate and but can struggle . But once they find what works for them , then they can take it or leave it with peace .

Speaker 2 16:16

Yeah , so you get them to that place where they have a relationship with alcohol . That's a healthy relationship , right ? Yes , exactly yes . As I was listening to your story , what came up for me was your experience with the spirit . You had the dark spirit and then you had the spirit of light . Where do you think that came from ? You said you were raised Catholic , but you weren't really practicing your Catholicism . And yet , did you ever question why , then , and why this particular image , other than you knew that you had work to do later ?

Speaker 1 16:56

I think , well recognizing . Now that I've kind of studied spiritual gifts and I've gone through understanding what mine are and what my strengths are , I definitely know that I have a , that discernment of spirits is one of my gifts . I don't see in the spirit or any , you know , like anything super exciting that other people do , but I definitely have a sense of good and evil , dark and light when it comes to certain things and situations , and I don't know if that was something that God gifted me with forever or if that was something that he gifted me in that moment . But I feel like that has really helped me from that point on to see like this is good , this is not , this is of me , you know , recognizing the counterfeit versions , because that's what alcohol is Because the more I understand the Holy Spirit and what we experience with that indwelling of the spirit , I mean sometimes you see people that have taken on the spirit and they might act in ways that make them look like they're drunk and that is like the authentic , you know intoxication of the spirit .

Speaker 1 18:17

And what I was searching for all those years was that intoxication of the Holy Spirit , but instead I was settling for this counterfeit version of alcohol which so many of us do so , because I had the grace of baptism from the time I was a baby . I just feel like that was like this protection that I had and , looking back , I was so protected because , yes , there were awful things that happened to me . Yes , there were awful things that I did , but it could have been so much worse . And I think in that moment , maybe that vision was also showing me like I've been here all along protecting you from this darkness , and I think that helps me help others , because that's something that we all struggle against the world and those forces that are trying to make us forget God's goodness and love and they offer us these counterfeit versions of things that seem like they'll fill us up but they just leave us empty and reaching for more and more .

Speaker 2 20:31

So part of the 12 steps is to make a list of people you harmed , including yourself , when you worked through that process of doing that life inventory under the influence and you wrote down those names . You had to , at some point , make amends . What was that process like for you ? Some point , make amends . What ?

Speaker 1 20:56

was that process like for you ? It's hard because some people it's not safe to make amends with and you know this from the work that you do and I know that you talked about this on my podcast , but I know you talked a lot about this with your clients as well but sometimes it's not safe to make amends with people , and so I learned that I mean , I did make amends with people like face to face , like my mom and friends , some people . It took years before I was able to make amends with them , but I did . Actually , I had this one friend . She was one of my roommates . I was the maddest at her because she had kicked me out . She made me tell my mom what was going on and all of these things , and we had like a lot of common friends forever . If anyone said her name , like my eye would twitch and I would be like she's dead to me , like I don't even .

Speaker 1 21:45

And this was years and years and years sober . But one day I saw her on Facebook and it was like Facebook was very new and God just like softened my heart for her and I just wrote her this message like apologizing , telling her all the things that I was wrong for thanking her for what she did and letting her know how well my life was going and how she contributed to that . And she ended up reaching out and we made amends , our kids played together . We're still friends . It was just like this beautiful thing . But it was like God had to change and soften my heart . I swear it was just like from one minute to the next , like I can't stand her to , like , no , I love her . He almost gave me his heart for her and showed me like what she did for me and how that helped me as well .

Speaker 1 22:43

You know , it's very unexpected when you can make amends Now with my dad . It took me a long time too , and he had passed away and I was like , how do you make amends or how do you forgive and and all of that . But I learned that I could do that without having to have him in front of me to do that . I mean , obviously he , you know , by the Lord's grace , hopefully he can hear me . But yeah , I think I think , just knowing you make amends to those people and it says it , you know , wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others , and that includes yourself and just do that and then when you can't do that , then you make those amends . You know , with the Lord and with yourself I will say that I did not make amends .

Speaker 2 23:27

When you have a span of time where you're harming your body like you're violating your own body , which is a sin , and then you have to face that . What was that like for you , and how long did it take ?

Speaker 1 23:52

oh gosh , Karen , that took years . Honestly , it took years and years and years . And because I feel like , you know , the enemy was just constantly like putting it in my face like , well , you did this and you did that . I mean , even when I was married and with kids and everything and part of the church , I just felt like he was still just like at me .

Speaker 1 24:12

But it wasn't until my husband went through RCIA and I made , I'm sure , when I walked in it was like during a reconciliation service too , albeit and I walked in with like this paper list of like three pages of like everything I'd ever done written down because I confessed , confess , confess , confess . And I never felt forgiven or absolution or anything , even though I had gotten it . And one time this lady in my Bible study said , not to be rude , but are you saying that God is not powerful enough to forgive you ? Because you're saying that you're not forgiven , that you don't feel forgiven , but yet you keep asking him and he keeps telling you that you're absolved . So you know , maybe think about that . So I did , and that's when I went in with like my big list and made a really super good and thorough reconciliation and I feel like in that moment I could finally just let go and let God love me and pour his mercy into me , and I think that that's the first time that I was able to start to forgive myself .

Speaker 2 25:28

Yes , and it's interesting that you walked that journey with your husband and you learned more right .

Speaker 2 25:35

It's the right of initiation for people who are coming into the church , and so they're learning the foundation of what Catholicism teaches about everything , and so you have accountability there , which is beautiful . And I just want to clarify for our listeners that when we go to the sacrament of reconciliation and that priest absolves us from our sin , it doesn't mean we're going to feel like that we're forgiven . We may not feel better at all . We may maybe actually we may feel worse leaving , but it doesn't mean that the words that the priest spoke over us were a lie . We can believe those because he is in persona Christi , he is the representative of Christ , and the words that he speaks were given to him by Christ . When he said words that he speaks were given to him by Christ when he said whatever you bind on earth will be bound on earth , whatever you lose will be loosed , and so we believe that . But it doesn't mean we're going to feel any different , and I think people are so focused on their emotions that they forget truth ?

Speaker 1 26:55

Yeah , oh , absolutely , absolutely , and I think you're right . I think that's what I was searching for , like this lifting of , like all this dark cloud , or

Navigating Holiday Drinking and Anxiety

Speaker 1 27:04

like feeling not feeling the shame or never thinking about it again . But one of the things that the Lord did give me is like , well , when that thought comes up , first of all recognize that's not of me , that's not from me , that you have that thought , and second of all , just call in the blessed mother . She will get rid of the enemy . So I would just say a Hail Mary until it like went away . So that could be three , that could be 10 . I don't know it . Just be like just keep saying the Hail Mary until it goes away and then just thank her and know that she got that away and I think that that helped me .

Speaker 1 27:45

So , whatever helps you in that moment , just calling upon the intercession of you know saints , or asking Jesus to come in and just get rid of you know the devil , calling upon our blessed mother , can be so , so helpful . Because and I work on this a lot with my clients like what is the way that God speaks to you ? What is the way the enemy speaks to you ? Or you speak to yourself . You know those are completely they can be completely different things . So we need to , like , recognize what those thoughts are and if they're disparaging , shaming , you know , all of those things , those are not from God . God is going to be encouraging , loving , convicting , merciful in what he says , and so I think I had to really learn that , and now I can share that with others .

Speaker 2 28:37

Others , yes , and one of the things that I recommend is to really become a student of your interior dialogue and to recognize what happens before I'm thinking these things . Where am I ? What's happening in my body ? Who's around me ? So that when those patterns start emerging , I can go oh , that's an attack . And we believe as Christians that we live in a material world , but we also have a supernatural world and they intersect . And when we are making decisions here in our material world , some of those decisions could be decisions that were made because a thought was planted in our mind by the enemy . And drinking becoming inebriated to a point where we lose control of our body , that could be one of those decisions that we make that was planted in our minds by the enemy .

Speaker 1 29:35

Absolutely , because it darkens our will and our intellect , which is what the enemy wants .

Speaker 2 29:40

Yes , exactly One of the things that I'd like you to explore with our listeners is the idea of when the holidays are approaching and people start thinking , oh my gosh , you know we're not going to be working , there's going to be a lot of partying and there's going to be a lot of alcohol , and you have anxiety on the part of the person who drinks , and then you also have anxiety on the people around that person in their life . I just want to say as an aside here that I grew up with a number of alcoholics in . I don't like calling people alcoholics actually , because it's taking a term and defining their entire being by that word , right ? So I like to say I lived with a lot of people who struggled with alcohol in my family through through many years , like generations , and so for me it was always , even as a child , my anxiety would start building up before the holidays . What do you want to say to the person who drinks , and then also the family , who are anticipating ? You know that they're anticipating that there's going to be drama .

Speaker 1 30:55

Yeah , those are two different , two very different things . The first one the person who drinks but is worried about how much they're going to drink , or has goals not to drink as much or maybe even not at all , just to see what the holidays could be like without it . You know , we can think of that . But then there's all of these like well , I can't do it , I don't have enough willpower . No-transcript , you can totally do it and God will help you do it , but you have to have a plan and you have to have a protocol . And that's what I work on with my clients a lot this time of year as we head into the holidays .

Speaker 1 31:36

Like , what events do you have ? So if it's an event that you normally go to , you kind of know how things go . Is there usually alcohol on the table ? Are there ? Is there somebody there who kind of pushes alcohol , like they're constantly like filling up your glass or making sure you have a drink . Are there just situations where you feel like you sneak away to have more because you don't want people to see you ? Do you drink before you go to the event so that they don't know how much you're drinking ? Or do you drink okay at the event . But then you come home and you over consume because you just need to keep going . So there's a lot of those things that need to be thought about .

Speaker 1 32:19

So what I usually have people do is first of all come up with a pros and cons list . What does alcohol give you ? What does it take away ? Alcohol definitely gives you something because you drink it . So just be very honest and write all that down On the other side . What does it take away ? Like , maybe you're not feeling as great in the morning , maybe your gut health is off , maybe you disappoint yourself or others . Just make those two lists and what that does is it just gives you more clarity around your drinking , because a lot of times we don't want to look at it . It's kind of like my kids' bedroom If it's a mess and I ask them to like clean it up , they'll just shove it all . Or when they were little , they would shove it all in the closet . We don't see it , then it's not there , you know , and then you add to it , and add to it , and add to it . Pretty soon it's like spilling out over . The same can be true with any sort of disordered attachment or anything right we don't want to look at it because we're afraid if we look at it we're going to have to clean it up or that it will make us feel bad . But if we can look at it , just pull it out and look at it without any shame or judgment . Just look at it like you're a scientist just examining the evidence . Here's the pros , here's the cons . Then that will help you have clarity about your decision and why you want to reduce or eliminate your alcohol through the holidays .

Speaker 1 33:47

The other thing is to know your triggers , cues , urges , and that

Creating Boundaries and Sobriety Support

Speaker 1 33:53

can definitely be around the holidays , right ? Certain people can make us want to consume more alcohol than we normally do . Certain situations can make us want to do that . So just knowing that , especially with events that you always have , and just having a plan If this happens , then this , this is what I will do , this is what I will not do and just having that written out and planned for can be so beneficial . And then the other thing that is essential is to have a support person , even if that's only one person , and it may not be your spouse , because our spouses want to see us happy . And so if you tell your spouse I do not want to drink tonight and then later in the evening you come to him and you're like , oh my gosh , I really , really , really , really want to drink . He's going to be like , okay , because he loves you and he wants you to be happy , and it's not really fair for you to do that because you know he's going to say yes , that he wants you to have it . So try to have another accountability person , even if they're not at the event , somebody that you can text or call or something while you're there , like a really good friend or somebody else that you know loves you and will give you that tough love Like this is what you need to do .

Speaker 1 35:12

The other thing is have an exit plan . So if you are at an event , you're feeling very uncomfortable . You're feeling like you may decide to drink when you decided not to , or you may overindulge , go beyond your one or two that you decided that you were going to have . Have an exit plan . I always say get uncomfortable with the uncomfortable , but if it's going to cause you to drink , then you need to go Tell your husband , like , can we have ? Or whoever you're with , can we have like a code word ? Or can I say if I say I'm ready to go , can we just go without any questions asked ? So I think that those things are very beneficial in prepping yourself and knowing , like , how you want to respond .

Speaker 1 35:52

Now , if it's a situation that you don't know what is going to happen , I always say just prepare for anything . So even if you think there might not be alcohol there , just be prepared that maybe there is . I also tell people bring drinks , bring fun things that you want to drink that are alcohol free , so that you don't feel left out and so you have what is safe for you to drink . And people don't always think about us non-drinkers , so sometimes we're just left with water and soda and I don't like soda and I drink water all day , so it's nice to have something fun .

Speaker 1 36:29

And then if you have a family member who drinks and you're having anxiety about it , you know you're going to have to be around them . You can either have a hard conversation with them ahead of time and just say this is what sweat usually happens . It makes me very uncomfortable , I'm worried . I guess it depends on what your relationship is like . It depends .

Speaker 1 36:50

It's so hard because there's so many factors right in that situation , but the main thing is just to lovingly set boundaries and then know like , if this happens , if they get to this point of intoxication , we're leaving , and you don't have to make it a mean enter it , grand exit . You can just be like , oh yeah , I'm really tired , we're going to take off , or you know , just that's another thing is someone who loves someone who's struggling with alcohol , just knowing that you also have to protect yourself and have those boundaries . And those boundaries are not there to harm the other person . They're not against the other person . Those are just to keep you safe and essentially that could end up helping that person too , because they may start to think , well , why don't they ever wanna be around me , or why do they always leave early ? Or that can get them questioning what they're doing without you even really saying anything about it . But there's so many different situations and scenarios in that , as you know .

Speaker 2 37:57

Yes , I do work with some clients who thank God for Uber , right , Because nowadays I'm driving home . Right now an invite Will you go home with me ? And if that person refuses , there's Uber . So , just on the practical side of things as well , keeping them safe and making sure that they're not driving home .

Speaker 1 38:19

Yeah , that's absolutely true . I didn't even think about that as having a spouse , but yes , for sure , that makes it even harder when you can't just get away , because I mean you can , but eventually you know they're going to be coming home or you know they need to get themselves where they need to go . So yeah , if you want to leave which is a great idea if you don't want to be around that anymore , I think that's fantastic . Just like go home , but then just setting them up so that they have either an Uber or someone else that's responsible , that's not drinking , that can bring them home , but yeah , for sure . And then the other thing is like I've had to tell wives before too that you know if your husband is not , if he's drinking and he's just like not leaving you alone or he's like trying to pick fights that's usually a lot of it like trying to pick fights and just saying you know , if you're going to do this , then I need to protect myself or my children or whatever , and you either need to leave or if you can go to your room safely without him being there .

Speaker 1 39:26

That's a dangerous situation . Always , always , always leave . But a lot of times they just end up passing out somewhere . It's so hard , so so hard , when you love somebody because you can only do what you can do for yourself and you can't make them change . And that's the real heartbreak that I think a lot of people like me or you know because I'm I know my family looked at me and they're like what can we do ? We can't get her to stop . We just love her and you just can't . I think that the key is like setting boundaries , sticking to those boundaries but loving them still , you know , letting them know that you love them and you want them free .

Speaker 2 40:05

And recognizing when the person who's struggling with the addiction they have the most . They have PhDs in manipulation , oh yes . And recognizing when there's manipulation happening and to be able to maintain the boundary .

Speaker 1 40:22

Absolutely .

Speaker 2 40:23

So , christy , this is amazing . It's just so in time for the holidays . I know that whoever is listening will find some nugget of wisdom to take with them through the holidays and to share with others as well . Where can people find you ?

Speaker 1 40:40

And so people can find me on my website at thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . As you mentioned before , I have a podcast , the Catholic sobriety podcast . On there I have lots of tips and information . I do have some like holiday episodes on there . I'll probably be getting some more up in the coming weeks . Also , I do have a free resource If anybody's interested . It's a five day free sacred sobriety kickstart . I do have some of those tools I talked about the pros and cons list , the triggers and urges list , with short videos every day and some other tools and resources there as well , and if you go to my website , a pop-up for that comes up .

Speaker 2 41:23

Wonderful , thank you . Thank you so much for joining me today . I really enjoyed this conversation .

Speaker 1 41:30

Thank you , Karen . I enjoyed it too . It's always a pleasure talking to you .

Speaker 2 41:41

Well , forgivers , until next time . Much love be with you as you contemplate what you learned today . If this podcast is making a difference in your life , please hit subscribe below and consider writing a review . Share the link with a friend , take a screenshot and share on your social media . Connect with me as your forgiveness guide . I will hold space for you as you work through your pain and rewrite your story . Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness self-guided mini audio retreat at wwwdrkarencom . Check out my website for how and remember , friends , forgiveness is for you .