Supportive Online Community for Fertility

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christi Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and I am so glad you're here Today . I'm going to start off the podcast talking to you about a time in my life when I discovered that having a community of other women who were journeying with me toward the same goal was so incredibly beneficial and really life-giving to me , at a time when I felt so out of control , so frustrated and like I was trying to do all the right things and nothing was working and I just didn't know what to do . I didn't know who to talk to . Now , because of my background as a recovering alcoholic , some of you may be thinking this has to do with my recovery or Alcoholics Anonymous , and it does not . I'm going to take you back about 20 years , actually almost 20 years to the day , because my husband and I are about to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary . As I'm recording this , and when we got married I was 30 years old and we had talked and we just decided like we're going to get married and we are going to start right in and start a family and that's what's going to happen . And it didn't happen . And so I just kind of being a take control type of person like when I want something , I just kind of like figure things out kind of scrappy that way started doing research and trying to find out like , are there best times when you can conceive a child , and all of these things . Honestly , I didn't know any of this . Even as a cradle Catholic , I was never taught about NFP . I think I was probably sleeping in biology class so I didn't really understand any of how this worked . I would just get my period and knew that I would get it every about 24 days or so and that's all I knew about my fertility , as it were , and what I learned as we were trying to conceive a child and we were getting negative pregnancy after negative pregnancy test that there were optimal times when you could conceive a child . So I did all of this research we had .

Speaker 1 2:45

I started charting . Well , I started like taking my basal temperature and charting and doing all these things and I stumbled upon . This was before I had a smartphone with apps . There were no apps , there was no Facebook , there was no like anything like that back then . So I was just looking online and I found this website called Fertility Friend and it's actually still around today and it was a cool little website because I would take my temperature every morning and then I would enter it into this chart or into this website . Okay , folks , it was almost 20 years ago , so my memory of exactly how it works might be a little cloudy , so bear with me . But I would enter in my temperature and then it would put it in a graph and then I could see the graph and what I learned was that different dips and different like temperature shifts could show your time of ovulation . It could even sometimes show like an implantation dip or it could show if it's going up up up . Your temperature is going up up up . That can show that you're pregnant before you actually take a pregnancy test . If you see it drop suddenly , that's usually the first day of your period . So I learned all of these things . I did all of this charting . It had like different aspects of you know , just knowing different fertility signs and noticing them that you could kind of keep track of as well .

Speaker 1 4:22

I won't go into too much detail about that , but anyway , within that website there were message boards . I kind of feel like message boards are maybe making a comeback , but in a different way . Of course there are Facebook groups and all those kinds of things , but more and more people are fleeing social media , as it were , and I'm finding that there's different communities like Slack communities or Mighty Networks communities or other things that are starting to evolve , that are more niche . I feel like Facebook groups don't always feel safe , but in specialized groups they can be , especially if they're very specific . In specialized groups they can be , especially if they're very specific . But anyway , I just started kind of posting and I noticed in this group on Fertility Friend or in this message board thing , there was like a general message board but then there were other like smaller groups . So women had kind of grouped up in like smaller groups and created their own groups where they would have a smaller group of women to chat with versus the general chat , which was still utilized and helpful . But these smaller groups were just a place where friendships would flourish and you could really share more intimate details or you just felt more comfortable sharing life things as well , and somehow I got connected with like three or four women in this general group .

Speaker 1 5:55

We all happened to be kind of new at the same time . We had all been trying to conceive without luck for a few months and we just all kind of liked each other and decided , hey , let's start a group . So we were trying to figure out what we were going to name the group and one of my favorite songs my grandpa used to sing it to me as you are my sunshine . So I was like what if we call it waiting for sunshine ? Like our babies are our sunshine ? And everybody loved it . So we were called waiting for sunshine . We ended up adding several more women and we capped it at about 10 women . And this was our group waiting for sunshine .

Speaker 1 6:37

It was so wonderful and we were scattered all over . We had women in the East Coast . I was on the West Coast . I feel like I was the only one on the West Coast . We had Midwest just all over .

Speaker 1 6:52

We were all over and through this shared connection , the shared journey , we just developed this really strong bond . I just loved these women . I'm still in contact with a handful of them and we've been able to see our babies grow , and it was so nice to have this group of women to talk to . We could chat about things that maybe we couldn't really talk about to our friends or our family members or co-workers or even our husbands , because they didn't really understand or know what we were going through , because we were on a journey and we were on this journey together . So every woman in that group , I am happy to report , eventually had her sunshine baby , as we called them . Every time someone would have a baby , we called it their sunshine baby . I was the second to last to conceive , but the only one to have twins .

Speaker 1 7:56

The thing that was so beautiful is that we all promised to stay together on that message board until we had our sunshine babies , until we all had them . We always had such a fun time comparing charts , analyzing each other's charts , analyzing , like the drops and the temperature increases , the different fertility signs and all of those things , and we had such a wonderful experience journeying with each other through our pregnancies , like I'm having this happen or I'm experiencing this , or you know . We were there to be able to talk to each other , to encourage each other , to lift each other up when we felt sad . There were sad things that happened . There were , you know life things that happened . But we were together and again , even though we never met in person , we just had this super tight , lovely bond between each other because we just knew what everyone was going through . And I would try to explain to people in my life about these women , and I'm sure I sounded like a crazy person . I mean today it's like not that big of a deal , but back then it was kind of like oh , you should be careful , and I mean you still need to be careful . People on the internet , but this group of women I just love them so much . I still have .

Speaker 1 9:33

When I think about those times , when I think about those mornings when I would run to my computer , like as I was getting ready for work , I would turn on my computer and get the dial up going right . We all remember that . And get the dial-up going right . We all remember that . Get the dial-up going , get in the shower . I was so excited to see what the women had posted , what people had said , and back then you couldn't just look on your phone and see what people said . You had to . It was an effort , it was a thing , so I would get in the shower because it took so much time for the dial-up to go Get out , see if it had connected . If it had , I would go to that website , read what the ladies had posted , type out my response , be encouraging , be funny , be you know , whatever and then get ready for work . And then I would come home like from lunch and I would check . I'd come home from work and I would check . It was just this really cool connection that we had .

Speaker 1 10:40

And then once the last woman in our group had her baby , we still stayed in the community and I can't remember if it cost money to be in the community and I can't remember if it cost money to be in the community . I think it cost money to have some of the features of the charting and all of those types of things . But eventually and I can't remember why we decided to create a Facebook group just for us , a private Facebook group . So one of the women did that and the group lasted several more years and we would chat and everything . It just wasn't as regular and sometimes we would be like , hey , have you heard from so-and-so ? I haven't heard from her in a long time . But we were all connected on Facebook and we were all connected within this group . The messages were days or weeks apart , but the really cool thing was that when I got pregnant with my youngest which he was the last sunshine baby in our group , six years apart from my older boys they were all so excited and supporting me and checking on me and answering questions that I had and it was still just the sweetest sisterhood , just like , gathered around me .

Speaker 1 13:11

And I share this with you because , as a lot of you know , my 30-day alcohol

Building Supportive Alcohol-Free Community

Speaker 1 13:18

reset the doors to that have opened and within that reset is a community , and I want it to be a place like my Waiting for Sunshine group . I want it to be a place where you can encourage each other , support each other , ask questions and realize that you are not alone , because when we figure out that maybe we don't have a drinking problem but alcohol is becoming a problem for us , there's a lot of fear and anxiety surrounding that Like will our friends leave ? I don't have anyone to talk to about this ? And within this 30-day reset , you're going to be learning tools that are going to help you in those situations . You are going to have daily prompts that are going to build you up and encourage you and help you lay the foundations and build other habits and things like that . But the community aspect , along with group coaching , which is also a community aspect , is going to be the most beneficial Because you are going to hear the stories of other women like you .

Speaker 1 14:35

They're going to be sharing their struggles . They're going to be sharing their joys , their successes , and here's the thing they are all on different journeys , just like with our pregnancy journey , even though our goal , all of our goal , was to have and that's okay . And when my friends in this group , when one of them would get pregnant and I wasn't , I was so happy for her . And so that's what this group will be . If someone is like rocking their goals , just know your sisters are going to be so happy for you and encouraging to you . And if you aren't there yet , know that your sisters are going to be there to lift you up and encourage you and provide you with the love and support that you need to be really honest and to talk about what is going on , and I'll be the in there too . I am one of you too , because I have struggled , I have been there , I have wrapped my entire identity around a community based on drinking and I've also learned to untangle from that and I know how hard social situations can be when you're used to getting through them with alcohol . So we will talk about all of that . We'll talk about your Aunt Agnes at Thanksgiving that makes you want to drink a bottle of wine . But we're going to help you , we're going to help you plan , we're going to help you through this and I can't wait to do it .

Speaker 1 16:33

Community is powerful If you have a good community . Even if you don't live in the same city like my Waiting for Sunshine sisters and I did , it didn't matter . It was so beneficial for me and this community will be so beneficial for you Because , let's say , you do have an event coming up . We can talk about it . You can talk to your 30 Day Reset sisters about it and get tips , get ideas figure out like what's going to be easy , what's going to be hard . And I will tell you that efforts to reduce alcohol or quit altogether is always , always , always more successful when you have accountability , support and encouragement . Knowing that you are not alone and that you have someone to talk to is a total game changer for many that loneliness , isolation , shame and guilt can keep us hiding behind a mask , but when you have a good community , you can drop that mask and be real , and that is what I want this 30-day reset community to be for you . That is what I want this 30-day reset group coaching to be for you . That is what I want this 30-day reset group coaching to be for you . You will have my support , and then you will have the support of other Catholic women who are working toward the same goal as you .

Speaker 1 18:17

Even if your goal is just to reduce alcohol and her goal is to eliminate alcohol , it doesn't matter . What matters is the journey , the discovery , the . Let's look at the evidence , let's look what happened and how do I move forward ? What do I need to do ? It's about gaining tools , gaining awareness and then getting rid of that chaos that alcohol is causing . So you can either take alcohol or leave it from a place of peace .

Speaker 1 18:56

I hope that you will consider joining this 30-day alcohol reset . It is going to be so valuable for anyone who is realizing that alcohol is just taking up too much of your brain space . If alcohol is causing too much chaos , and now you know that we're heading into the holidays and you're a little bit worried about what that can mean , because you know , let's be real there's usually an increase in opportunities to over-consume or misuse . So if we lay that foundation now , if we lay that groundwork now , you are going to be in such a much better place when the holidays come and you will have more confidence to make the decisions that are right for you . You will have more confidence when you say no or not right now , or even if you say yes , because you will be choosing from a place of peace . You will be able to start the new year not feeling like terrible about yourself and like , oh my gosh , I need to rein it all in . You will start the new year feeling so much better and from a really good place to maybe implement other changes , because you've been able to gain this awareness and clarity around your drinking and now you can take it to another level . So if you decided let's say you decided that you were going to reduce your alcohol consumption by like 50% , maybe that jumps up at the beginning of the year to 75% or maybe even 100% . I don't know . I don't know what that's going to be for you , but when you start reducing it , that is very helpful because then you can start looking at it and seeing what's working and what's not , so that you can determine the level of sobriety that is right for you .

Speaker 1 21:12

Before I close today , I want to leave you with a scripture and just a question . And Jesus says in John 10 10 , the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy . I came that they may have life and have it abundantly . So my question is this does your alcohol use give you more of an abundant life , or does it feel like it takes away from your freedom and prevents you from living that promise ? Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at thecathsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at thecatholicsobrietycoach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you . I am praying for you . You are not alone you .