Navigating Social Situations While Drinking Less

Speaker 1 0:27

Hey guys , it's so great to be here with you again today . Because this is a mini-sode , I'm just going to jump in with a question that I often get asked by clients and other people who are seeking to drink less or not at all . And that question is what do I do when I tell a friend or a family member , or maybe even a co-worker , that I have decided to eliminate or reduce the amount of alcohol that I'm consuming for my health , for my physical consuming for my health , for my physical , mental , emotional and spiritual health , and they don't quite react the way that I hoped that they would , and that can be a negative reaction . That could be kind of like well , you don't have a drinking problem . They can say all sorts of things that just don't feel very supportive . I don't know what you want them to say , but I'm sure you have something in your mind that you want them to say and they don't say it and you just kind of walk away feeling like maybe they were judging you , maybe they just don't get what you're trying to do , and you know that happens , and you know that happens .

Speaker 1 1:49

What got me thinking about this is that I was scrolling Instagram as I do , and I saw a just a post , like a worded post , from somebody I follow , and it said when I say that I'm a Christian , I'm not saying that I think I'm better than you . I'm just trying to be better than who I was , and I love that . And I think that that can be applied to reducing or eliminating alcohol from our lives . We're not saying that we are better than anyone else . When we decline a drink or when we , you know it comes up like I've decided to stop drinking for my health , we're not trying to say like I'm better than you . What we're trying to say is I'm trying to be better than who I was , and I think that that is important . So if you're someone who doesn't have a disordered attachment or you don't have an issue with alcohol , then I guess it's just important to keep in mind that their decision not to drink doesn't really have any bearing on whether you do or don't . Most of us are not just sitting there judging somebody because they're drinking , because , first of all , we've been there . We've been there , so we're not thinking that we're better than anybody else who's drinking . Secondly , we just want you to know that we would love your support . We would love it if maybe , instead of offering us a glass of wine , you could say , hey , I have some non-alcoholic wine or I have some sparkling water , can I get you that and maybe add a twist of lime ? Just something that lets us know like I know your goals and I'm here to support you Anyway . So one of the things that I was thinking of .

Speaker 1 3:51

I tried to think about it going back when , I mean , I've had to say no multiple times , I've told people I don't drink . Sometimes I just say no , thank you , I don't want one . It doesn't really come up . Sometimes I'll have people that'll be like , oh , we should go out for a drink , and I'll be like , yeah , and I know that if I go out for a drink with them , I'm going to have something that's non-alcoholic or I'll think of an excuse not to go out . No , I'll go , but

Managing Expectations and Reactions Unbothered

Speaker 1 4:22

anyway .

Speaker 1 4:22

So how have I been able to manage and how have other people that I know that are successful in managing other people's expectations , other people's reactions , when they're not what we want them to be ? How do we kind of deal with that and move on and not feel bad or like we're missing out or that we're being rude ? I mean , I have people that have told me if I say no , I feel like I'm being rude . You're not being rude . If you are deathly allergic to peanut butter and someone offers you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich , that's not rude . To say no , thank you , I don't want peanut butter , I'll die , that's kind rude . To say no , thank you , I don't want peanut butter , I'll die , that's kind of how I am with alcohol Like no , thank you , I don't want alcohol , I will die . So and that's not for everybody , that's , you know , in the extreme cases like mine . But you can still decline a drink and not feel rude because it is your body that you're ingesting whatever you want to put in it .

Speaker 1 5:26

Now , we all make choices , right , we all make . I don't always eat perfectly healthy . I'm not like a super clean eater all the time I get my nails done . You know we all make choices of things that are that we know are probably not like great for our health . So one of the things that has really really helped me through all these years is that I remain very unattached to what another person thinks about what I just said , like declining a drink or letting them know like yeah , I don't drink in general . And sometimes they'll ask like why , if somebody tells you that they're not drinking , it's really none of your business , you don't need to ask them because maybe they have a serious medical condition they're not ready to talk about , or maybe they do have alcoholism and they don't want to talk about it . So questioning by saying why isn't like the nicest , most helpful thing . But if somebody does say why , you can always just have something that you say . For me , I'm like I drank a lifetime of alcohol in my late teens and early 20s . So I'm good . I decided I don't need to have any more of that . But it could be like your health , it could be . You know , I just have more mental clarity . I feel like I'm more productive when I don't drink . I know , whatever it is , say what you want and don't say anything if you don't want to .

Speaker 1 7:00

But the way to get through these situations when people don't react in the way that you would hope or like them to react , is to remain unbothered . If you remain unbothered you don't react . And if you don't react , then the topic usually kind of drops . So how do you do that ? That sounds easier said than done , right ? So my first tip for remaining unbothered is no response is sometimes the best response . So , just if somebody , if you tell somebody like no thanks , I don't want that glass of champagne you're trying to hand me at a wedding , and they are like , why you're not drinking , you can just say I'm good , thanks . And then , if they keep coming at you , you just don't really respond to it .

Speaker 1 8:01

Or if someone gives you a negative response when you say , well , I'm not going to drink anymore , I'm eliminating alcohol for my physical , mental , emotional , spiritual health , and they're like well , well , you're so much more fun when you drink , I just be like and maybe you walk away . But the fact is it doesn't really concern them because they're not the one that has to deal with the ramifications of drinking alcohol . They're not the ones that has to try and wake up early in the morning to , you know , do the thing that you want to do . So I mean , it's not . If you just look at it that way , they don't live your life , they're not in your body and they can do what they want to do and you can do what you want to do .

Effective Communication Strategies for Conflict

Speaker 1 8:57

The second thing , which I guess probably should be the first thing , is to take it to prayer , like you can . Just if somebody says something , like if somebody says something to me and I feel like I'm going to react , sometimes I just take a deep breath and in my mind I say , jesus , I trust in you , and then I let it out . And I say , jesus , I trust in you , and then I let it out and I say , jesus , I praise you . See , I just did that . It's very easy . You can do it as you're walking away , you can do it after the confrontation , do it after the confrontation . But if you just take it to prayer and let Jesus handle it , let him sort it out for you , you'll feel much better than if you reacted , because sometimes we react and then we regret it . So just not reacting , just taking that moment to pray or just not giving a response , those can be a really good , really good tools in remaining unbothered .

Speaker 1 10:12

And then the third is a quote that comes from Lori Deschen and she says Pause , practice the pause , pause before judging , pause before assuming Pause , before accusing Pause whenever you're going to react harshly and you'll avoid saying things you'll regret later , which we just kind of talked about . So sometimes it's just taking a pause , not worrying or thinking about what the other person is thinking , not worrying , or thinking about what they're thinking about you or what they're going to say . Just pause and just don't say anything that you will regret later , and I know that you'll be very thankful , because I practice this and I can tell you that 100% of the time , I'm glad that I paused and didn't actually say what I thought I needed to say at the time . Now , the next one is something that I practice with my clients . We usually go through protocols . So if you come to me , if you're a client or somebody that I'm working with and you say you know , christy , I have this wedding that I'm going to . I don't want to drink , I don't want to have any alcohol . My family , they're big drinkers , so it's going to be difficult for me to say no , but I really want to , I'm committed to it . I want to stay on this path of not drinking right now , and I just don't know how to do it . And so what we do is we go through what I call a protocol .

Speaker 1 12:05

A lot of people , a lot of coaches , use this . It's not I didn't make this up , but you develop a protocol . And what a protocol is ? It's like visualizing what that experience is going to be like what might people say to you , what might come up and all of that sort of thing , and then just have a protocol . So let's say you're worried that your Aunt Barbara is just going to push champagne on you for the toast , like she is not going to take no for an answer . So I actually have a worksheet and you go through the worksheet this is actually in my sacred sobriety lab as well and you go through the worksheet and develop a protocol of all the steps that you can take to kind of diffuse that situation so that you can maintain your goal to drink less . And the great thing is you end up walking away from that situation feeling a lot of peace and you walk into the situation like going to the wedding feeling very equipped and strong to resist the temptations and walk away from the experience feeling really accomplished and knowing that you met your goal .

Speaker 1 13:22

The other thing with this is to visualize . So sometimes people will come to me with a lot of fear of , like , how people are going to react , what are they going to say and those types of things . So we just talk about like what would be the worst thing that someone could say or do in that situation . Well , imagine the worst case scenario . So we take that and then we kind of break it down . What that actually does is it diffuses that fear , it diffuses the anxiety because you're preparing for that worst case scenario .

Speaker 1 14:02

Let's say You're preparing for this worst case scenario . You's say You're preparing for this worst case scenario , you're visualizing how you want it to go , what you want to say , how you want to show up in that situation . And then pretty soon like when I work through these things with a client , and then I ask them later how does that feel ? They have so much peace about it . They have so much peace going into the situation because they've planned and prepared and they have their protocol . So they go into it knowing that they can get through that situation and they are very equipped and very powerful to be able to do that . And they visualized it and can continue to visualize that and it just reinforces it . It's just like practicing an instrument the more you practice it , the better like , the more naturally it'll come to you . With a sport , the more you practice it you have that muscle memory and the more naturally it will come to you . So the same is true also with our thoughts and making plans and protocols .

Speaker 1 15:10

And then one of the last things I would suggest in being able to remain unbothered , but knowing that you do want to have a conversation with the person , is to say I would love to have that conversation with you , but now is not the time . And then you can figure out a time down the road when you can have that conversation , and that way you're not feeling caught off guard , you're not feeling attacked . You've both had time to think about the situation that person maybe has , fully has time to think about what they said to you and what you said , and I just think it's a really classy way to respond . Let the person know I hear you , I value your opinion , but this is not the time for that and I would love to talk you to about it later . So then they know you're not just shutting them down , that you do want to have that conversation with them later . So all right

Tips for Remaining Unbothered

Speaker 1 16:17

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Speaker 1 16:17

So those are my tips for remaining unbothered and I hope that they are helpful for you . If you have any that are helpful for you , feel free to get in contact with me . In my show notes there's a little feature where you can send me a text , so if you have comments or questions or concerns , or you want to add your own methods for remaining unbothered or dealing with friends and family that aren't super supportive or don't give you the response that you want , I love to hear them . Well , that wraps up today's episode of the Catholic Sobriety Minisode . Thank you so much for joining me and please be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss a thing . And remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone .