Recognizing Toxic Relationships With Alcohol

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Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christi Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and I am so glad you're here . Is alcohol your best friend or a frenemy in disguise ? Maybe you're beginning to discover that you are in a toxic relationship with alcohol and you're not sure what to do about it . That is what we will be discussing in today's episode . Now , before I jump in , I just want to clarify something . Even though the World Health Organization states that alcohol is a toxic , is a toxic , psychoactive and dependence-producing substance and has been classified as a group one carcinogen by the International Agency for Research on Cancer , which is considered the highest risk group and includes things like radiation , asbestos and tobacco I'm actually not going to be speaking on the toxicity of the substance , but rather the toxic relationship that can develop from alcohol misuse . Now , both can be subtle in their onset but devastating in their impact , undermining your health , your happiness and your spiritual well-being .

Speaker 1 1:48

Now , when I talk to people in recovery or those looking to reduce or eliminate alcohol . They often describe their attachment to alcohol as a relationship or a friendship , and I can totally relate , because when I started drinking at the age of 16 , I felt like alcohol was there for me in a way that no one else ever was . Now I understand some of you are probably like Christy that's crazy . I don't relate to that at all , and if that's you , that's great . But it's a very real feeling for many of us . You see , for me , alcohol was this magic elixir . It gave me courage and confidence . It helped me feel like I was part of something , like I was part of a group of my peers and I was able to tap into it in a way I had never been able to do that before . So being part of that group and drinking just made me feel less lonely . It made me feel understood and just overall , a much cooler human being . So if it did all of those things for me , why did I stop drinking ? Because alcohol was no friend . It was my frenemy , and the enemy of my soul was also able to use that stronghold of addiction and self-reliance against me for far too long . Now , if you want to learn more about strongholds . I do talk about them in episode 74 , so you might want to go back and listen to that one .

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So yes , alcohol did a lot for me in the beginning and , just like most toxic relationships that start out well and don't feel unsafe and things seem to be going along fine , there comes a point when something happens and before you know it , there's gaslighting , mental or even physical abuse , and then a roller coaster of being built up and then just shredded . The next Self-confidence plummets and there starts to become a reliance on the other and a fear of what could happen if you try to disentangle yourself from them . Now , the toxic friend can even have you believing that you are nothing without them . Perhaps they have in some way alienated you from those that you love most . Maybe you said mean things , maybe you made poor choices and because of that now you believe that your toxic frenemy is the only one who accepts you , doesn't judge you , but they still actually do , don't they ? And they just do so much for you that you would be a bad person if you cut ties with them . If you cut ties with them , the frenemy might even have you believe that the few people you do have in your life would obviously hate you because you are such a terrible person .

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Sadly , I've been in these types of relationships too . I remember when I would want to confront my frenemy about something that they said or did and my chest would tighten and the anxiety would just settle in my gut . I would sometimes get red blotches all over my chest , sometimes my hands would turn bright red , I would get migraines and , honestly , a lot of the times I just felt like I was going crazy , like I couldn't trust how I remembered things or what I said . Stomach would just be in knots . And if I did work up the courage to face off , these types of people would do one of two things .

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These types of people would do one of two things . First , they would cry and they would say how sorry they were and how awful of a person they are , and they would just make me feel so guilty for hurting them and they would turn it all around as if they were doing the best for me . And of course it all got messed up and they are so , so sorry and I would often find myself apologizing to them because of that . So it was kind of this manipulation tactic that was used . And then the other thing that would happen often is they would get angry , or if they weren't angry , they would just be very abrupt in gaslighting me into thinking that I had done something wrong , and then they would retell me the events in a way that didn't happen and that would cause me to doubt myself . I was also worried that if I made them too mad , they would go spilling the tea about me all over everywhere and then people would know all the bad things that I had done while I was drinking . And , quite honestly , I was just trying to keep a tight lock on those skeletons in my closet , not have to look at them , hoping and praying that none of it came out , that nobody would find out about it . But , honestly , my mess was starting to spill out anyway .

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At this point in my life I didn't even know if I could have true friendships or a healthy relationship of any kind , because it felt like I was this magnet for attracting the types of people who would let me down , belittle me or hurt me , and during that time , I lost trust in others and myself . Now you might be asking yourself , as a Catholic , where was God in all of this for you ? You haven't even mentioned God . Well , I prayed I okay , maybe I didn't actually pray , it was more of like begging , like I would beg God for things like beg a relationship to work out , beg a situation to work out in my favor . It was always like this begging , this pleading , which wasn't really prayer . I was trying to use God like a vending machine . I was also quite convinced that he just wasn't interested in helping me because I had burned that bridge . I had done a lot of things and , honestly , I didn't really blame him if he didn't want to help me out .

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Now , thankfully , I discovered that when I was ready to break ties with my frenemy , alcohol and some of the other toxic relationships and habits in my life which , to be honest , took a little bit longer than breaking my ties with alcohol the Lord was more than willing to come to my assistance . He was there for me , provided peace . At times when I look back and I'm like how did I have peace in that situation ? And it was all thanks to the Lord . And what I realized and deep down I knew this all along that God was with me , especially in those very , very dark days . He broke through and protected me in ways that I didn't even realize , and he did it out of pure love for me and desiring my greatest good . Now maybe you're asking yourself how do I even know if alcohol is a frenemy or if you know it's just a substance that I'm using ? Well , as I mentioned before , these relationships can start out fun and exciting , but they gradually become a source of distress .

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Now , normal alcohol consumption is having the ability to choose to drink or not , drink from a place of peace . It causes no chaos or takes up any brain space thinking about it or worrying about it . In contrast , signs of problematic drinking include using alcohol to cope with stress , continued consumption despite negative consequences , and a physical or emotional dependency on alcohol . Like toxic relationships , unhealthy alcohol consumption can significantly impact mental and physical health , leading to long-term complications if unaddressed . Now , the parallels between toxic relationships and unhealthy alcohol consumption are striking , and both can lead to these things . It can lead to isolation because , just as toxic relationships may isolate you from loved ones , like I talked about before , your dependency on alcohol can narrow your world . It narrows your social circles , the activities that you want to do and are able to do , and you find your world and your life becoming smaller and smaller as alcohol takes up more and more space in your life , as alcohol takes up more and more space in your life .

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Manipulation , now toxic relationships often involve manipulations , making you doubt your feelings or reality . Alcohol can also manipulate your thought process . It convinces you that you're in control , or your brain on alcohol convinces you that you're in control and that it's the only solution for your problems . It erodes your self-esteem . Toxic relationships often chip away at your self-worth , leaving you feeling inadequate , unworthy and just not trusting yourself . Denial and minimization Now individuals in toxic relationships or unhealthy drinking habits frequently deny or minimize the severity of their situation , and I can tell you that this happened with a toxic friendship that I had to let go of years ago . My husband recognized it for what it was almost from the get-go , although he didn't really say much until later on , and he was like why do you let her treat you like that ? Why do you let her talk to you like that ? And I didn't see it . I didn't see it for what it was .

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So the same thing goes with alcohol . You might try to justify your consumption , make excuses for how you react when you're with alcohol and justify your drinking , despite those obviously negative consequences that perhaps others are pointing out to you and you're just not seeing . Maybe there's a neglect in responsibilities , because in both scenarios you can neglect important responsibilities or other relationships . You might become so consumed by the dynamic that you neglect your work , social obligations or even your own self-care . Unhealthy drinking works the same way . Maybe you're missing mass on Sunday because you're just too hung over from the night before . Maybe you are late to pick up your kids or you don't want to do things that you used to love doing or that your kids or your husband need you to do , because you are too focused and wrapped up in drinking and recovering from drinking . Then there's the struggle for control . A common thread is that power struggle right . So if you're in a toxic relationship , you are struggling to maintain your control over the relationship , while they're trying to maintain control over you . And the same is true for alcohol .

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If you're trying to maintain this control over alcohol , but it's causing so much chaos in your life and it's so hard to even moderate , that is a really good time to look at it honestly and ask yourself is this something it's going to help you immeasurably work toward healing ? Looking that frenemy in the eye , straight in the eye , and saying , dude , I see you , I see what you're doing and I am not putting up with this anymore . I am not one more day going to spend one more minute in this toxic relationship . I'm done allowing you to treat me this way . I am done .

Speaker 1 15:36

Now , the other part of that is shining a bright light on all those things that you don't want to look at . You don't want to look at your drinking . Perhaps this isn't for everybody , but sometimes people are too afraid to actually look at their drinking habits because they're afraid of what it's going to mean . And here's where I say you don't have to have a drinking problem to realize drinking is becoming a problem for you . You don't have to have a label , but shining a light on those things that you are afraid to look at will make them lose their power . I promise you this . I know from experience and it's so empowering .

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Now , if you want help to gain this awareness and clarity around your drinking , my self-guided Sacred Sobriety Lab would be an excellent way to do that . The Sacred Sobriety Lab is a program where you observe yourself without judgment , viewing the data that you collect in the lab . Just like a scientist . You use the tools and resources contained in the lab and invite the Holy Spirit in as you get curious and draw conclusions and , when needed , recalibrate and formulate plans for the future . The work that you do in the lab helps you make the decision to drink less or not at all . From a place of peace , you calm the chaos , you will look better , you will feel better , you will gain more mental clarity and energy and live fully present and fully alive in the life that God has lovingly designed for you . The great thing about the lab is that you have lifetime access to it and any updates I make to it . You even have the option to supercharge your results by selecting one-on-one coaching with me .

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The comparison between toxic relationships and unhealthy alcohol consumption reveals the complex ways in which our well-being can be compromised . For Catholics navigating these challenges , the path to healing is paved with self-awareness , support and faith . Lean into the sacraments , steep yourself in scripture and form those faith-filled connections with a community that supports you . By recognizing the signs of this toxic relationship and seeking help , you are reclaiming your power . You are reclaiming your life . You are not alone and you are reclaiming your life . You are not alone and I am here to support you .

Catholic Sobriety Podcast and Coaching

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To learn more about the Sacred Sobriety Lab , the coaching I provide , or to grab a free drink , less or not at all guide that will help get you started on gaining clarity around your drinking habits . Visit sacredsobrietylabcom . Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well . And make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone , thank you .