Myths of Forgiveness for Sobriety

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Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast Minisode . These shorter episodes provide quick tips and information that you can refer back to when you need it most so you can achieve and maintain your desired level of sobriety . I am your sobriety coach and host of this podcast , christi Walker . Let's get started . Christi Walker , let's get started . In today's mini-sode , I'm going to bust six myths related to forgiveness . Now I'm doing this shorter episode on these myths or lies that many of us believe about forgiveness in preparation for a longer episode that will come out following this one .

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And what prompted me to do this episode is it's actually a few things . So the first thing is that on Sunday nights , before my family and I pray our family rosary , we like to listen . Well , actually , we watch it on YouTube Father Mike Schmitz's homilies . We like to listen to him . He always has some great wisdom . Everyone in our family , from my husband and I all the way down to our youngest , we really appreciate his insight , his humor , his wisdom and all of the things that he teaches . Well , on Divine Mercy Sunday , he gave just a powerful , incredible homily that really touched me and it has stuck with me for the weeks following , and I will go ahead and leave a link to that in the show notes below , because if you are hopefully going to listen to my next episode , then you might want to go ahead and watch that ahead of time Because I'll be referencing it a little bit . But the main point of that homily was on justice and mercy . That stuck out to me and he talked about at great lengths is that our greatest wound is a wound of distrust , and this goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden and after I listened to his talk and then I'm actually a student at Encounter School of Ministry and we are in our inner healing course , so a lot of the topics of forgiveness and healing and trauma are really coming up a lot for me .

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I'm also doing in my Bible study we do at my parish . We've done Walking with Purpose , the Walking with Purpose Bible studies for years . I think this is our eighth year and we are working through one called Fearless and Free and honestly , fearless and Free is one that I have kind of been pushing off for a long time because it's very deeply reflective and I'm actually really loving it and I wish that I hadn't have put it off for so long . But I do see that I probably put it off , because now is the perfect time . God is just like putting things in front of me over and over again that are just like connecting dots and just helping me help all of you .

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And so today's episode Minnesota I wanted to share some of the lies that we believe believe about forgiveness , because unforgiveness is a barrier . Unforgiveness keeps us stuck and unforgiveness it just perpetuates even more distrust in others , ourselves and even with our relationship with God . So I want to go over that today , and then in my next episode I will talk more about the wound of distrust , how certain types of trauma can cause that and what we can do about it , how we can go about healing that so that we can get unstuck and move forward with life and wanting to be the people that God created us to be , and it'll help us grow closer to God . And when we can trust God more , then we are far less likely to turn to things of this world , like alcohol or scrolling or shopping or whatever , to fill a void within us . Okay , so let's get to it .

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So one of the myths about forgiveness is that often we think that forgiveness means lowering my defenses and opening myself up to being hurt again . But here's the truth Forgiving doesn't require you to sacrifice your boundaries . You need to keep healthy boundaries in place and it's not about inviting harm back in your life . Forgiveness is purely an act of the will . It's not an emotion . It is a choice . You're taking an action to forgive , but you are in no way asked to lower defenses in such a way that it could cause harm to you in the future . So if you have set healthy boundaries for someone who has harmed you in the past , you can still maintain those and should maintain those , but you can still forgive .

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Another myth is that we think that if we forgive , it means that we are condoning what happened to us . We are saying it's okay . But forgiveness is not about that . It is in no way excusing the wrongdoing of the person who wronged you . Instead , forgiveness is about letting go of that resentment . It's a path to inner healing and it's not about approving or disapproving what happened . Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting . Forgiveness just means that we are saying we are not going to keep bringing up that offense and playing around with it in our minds . We're not going to keep rehashing it over and over again , but it's not saying in any way that it's okay , because it's not .

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Another myth is that forgiveness means that you have to reconcile with the person that harmed you . Forgiveness and reconciliation are two very , very different things . Now , reconciliation is when a relationship is restored , and sometimes that just isn't possible , because sometimes the person that you need to forgive isn't even alive , or you may not have contact with them , or you shouldn't have contact with them , and sometimes it's just not healthy . I think it's also important to note here that to forgive isn't about having the other person admit or accept that they were wrong . So when you are forgiving someone , you may not even go to them and tell them this is something that you are doing for your healing , your healing . It may not be possible or even good for you to go to that person and say like I forgive you , because what you don't need is to say you forgive them , lay your heart on the line and then have them say I don't need your forgiveness , or forgive me for what or whatever . I don't need your forgiveness or forgive me for what or whatever . Remember what I said at the beginning Forgiveness is for the forgiver .

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You are doing this for you . You are releasing it so that you will not continue to think about it and think about all the things you could have done or should have done , or should have said or would have said , and you don't just keep replaying that offense over and over again in your mind . The next lie or myth about forgiveness is forgiveness that you need to feel like forgiving in order to forgive . So I stated this earlier , that forgiveness is not a feeling , it's not an emotion , so you don't have to feel like forgiving in order to forgive . Forgiveness is an act of the will , it is a action , it's a choice .

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And then the next one is that you must have hard feelings toward the person who hurt you in order to forgive them . And this isn't necessary either , because you may have , on some level , forgiven them , maybe , maybe your relationship is restored , but there is some forgiveness that needs to happen because you've been pushing it aside or you haven't really dealt with it and all of a sudden it's surfacing , and in that surfacing it's keeping you stuck . So you can forgive , even without harboring anger , because it's about your healing , it's not about the intensity of your emotions . Now what if you have forgiven but it still keeps coming up ? And the answer here is that you just have to keep forgiving . So if it comes up and it's bothering you , then you need to forgive again and put it to rest . And then if it comes up and it's causing chaos , it's causing you to feel stuck or have hurt emotions , then you need to forgive again . Then you need to forgive again .

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Sometimes forgiveness is a lifelong process and sometimes we'll forgive something and then we'll realize that something else came up , and so then we need to forgive again . So , before I close , I just want to leave you with one little thing , because I'm sure you're like okay , well , how can I forgive what would be the best way ? Something I've learned is that if we forgive in the name of Jesus , because he is so merciful and he pours out his infinite mercy upon us , so if we can call him into this forgiveness with us , if he just picture him standing with you , you're not alone . He is standing with you , right next to you , helping you as you do this very hard thing .

Forgiveness Through Prayer for Healing

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And so when someone comes to mind or a situation comes to mind that you need to forgive , you might want to say something like this you can say it however you want , in whatever way you want , but I find this method to be simple , easy to remember and very effective . So you say , in the name of Jesus , I forgive and the person's name for , and then whatever they did to you and I release the person from all anger and bitterness in Jesus's name . And if you can speak this out loud , that is going to really be the most impactful for you . So just prayerfully forgive , bring Jesus into the situation with you , and it will be a beautiful healing experience . Well , that wraps up today's episode of the Catholic Sobriety Minisode . Thank you so much for joining me and please be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss a thing . And remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone .