Grief and Coping With Alcohol Reduction

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christy Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a Joyfield Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here Today . I'm going to talk about the grief that you may experience when you are reducing or eliminating your alcohol consumption . Now , this is something I don't think is spoken about a lot . We do talk about how we tend to romanticize alcohol . If you think about it as I don't know if any of you have been in these types of relationships , but I know I have where you have broken up with a person or they've broken up with you and you know that they're no good and there's been all these red flags and you know that the relationship was not meant to be and the two of you just are not compatible . Yet after a time , you might start to feel bored , you might start to feel lonely , and then you start romanticizing and thinking about all of the good things that occurred in that relationship only the good qualities about that person , and we do that with alcohol as well . If you eliminate or reduce your alcohol consumption , pretty soon you are going to experience some incredible benefits , like your sleep is going to be better , your skin is going to look better , your mental clarity will have improved , your gut health will have improved as well . So you there's just so many things that you are going to notice . But at the same time , when you start to feel lonely or bored , or maybe like you're not like everybody else , or you start focusing on all the things you're giving up instead of all the things you're gaining , then pretty soon you start romanticizing alcohol . You only think about the good times , the fun times , how it was there to help you cope , how it was there to help you in certain social situations . So that is kind of where our grief stems from is because we're starting to romanticize that and we're missing it . We're almost nostalgic for it .

Speaker 1 2:32

So today I have compiled some journal prompts . I think that these are great to either journal about , meditate on , take it to prayer , work it into your adoration time and just really think about these things and it'll help you process through the grief that you are experiencing due to the change and this loss of this coping mechanism or this pleasure that you enjoy . Now I'm not saying that you have to stop drinking at all , but I think even when we are finding that desired level of sobriety that works for us , when we are trying to cut out the chaos that alcohol is causing from our lives and we know that we can only have it , or that we are choosing to only have it during certain times , prescribed times that we've determined and tested and experimented to figure out that that's what works best for us , there's still going to be some grief , some sense of loss , maybe even like who am I now ? Because I was always the one that brought the wine , I was always the party girl , I was always the whatever it is . I'm more fun , I'm more social . Whatever these thoughts are that you're having around alcohol that can make you feel grief at a loss for that person or that perceived identity that you have of yourself . So one of the first things that I want you to consider when you're journaling about your grief of letting go of alcohol and that habit is why am I grieving ? What is it that I'm grieving ? Am I grieving the loss of alcohol itself ? Am I grieving the loss of that coping mechanism ? Am I grieving the loss of who I am when I drink ? Just write all of that out and be really honest with yourself and look at it , and I think that that will help you gain some clarity about why you're feeling the feelings that you are feeling , which , later on , when you start managing your mind around your triggers and urges using my pearl technique , if you choose to do so , or any other kind of mindset method you will have more clarity to be able to reframe those thoughts that you are having so that you'll get the results that you want .

Speaker 1 5:00

Now the next question I would ask you to ask is what is the most challenging part of my day ? And think of that . Like when do I experience this sense of loss , this sense of grief when it comes to alcohol ? And then , where in my body do I feel the grief ? Like do you tense up when you think about like oh , I'd really like a glass of wine , but then you're you tell yourself , no , we're not doing that . And like what does that feel like in your body ? Where is it in your body that you can just sense that grief ? Is it like in the pit of your stomach ? Is it in your chest ? Does your whole body , tighten and just think about that , because as you write that out and then look back at it and reflect on that , then that will help you discover some coping mechanisms and techniques to kind of release that tension and alleviate those feelings that are coming up in your body . Do you need to go for a walk ? Do you need to take a hot bath ? Do you need to sit in quiet with a cup of tea ? There's , it'll just help you as you plan and prepare for the future .

Speaker 1 6:12

And then the next thing I'd like you to ask yourself for what are some of the things that are triggering this feeling of grief ? Is it because my friend Susie knows that I am not drinking and she didn't invite me to the girls night that she had ? Is it when I look into the refrigerator and that spot where my wine used to be is now empty and I just feel like this sense of emptiness or like what ? What am I going to do now ? I can't cope . The thing that I was reaching for is not there anymore . Then the next thing is my support system is . I want you to list out all of the people who are there to support you , who love you , who you can trust , who you can confide in , who will be rooting for you , and when you have this written down , then you can refer to it in those times when you are feeling lonely or isolated , and you know that you can call upon these friends and family members to lift you up and encourage you .

Speaker 1 7:19

Support and accountability is so important for success , and that is why I always recommend not doing this alone . Whether you have your husband , your best friend , your mom , your sister and for sure , bringing the Lord into it , talking to him constantly , letting him know what you are going through , asking him to shower his graces upon you and strengthen your gifts so that you can resist the urges , the triggers . Ask him to absolve you of the desire to drink . You can pray boldly and pray big and just know that he is there with you , walking with you . You are not alone , and because I know how important and vital support is and accountability is to reducing or eliminating your alcohol consumption , I always tell my one-on-one clients to make sure that they have a person in their life that they can talk to and confide in as well .

Speaker 1 8:27

Yes , a coach is there for support and accountability , but you also need to have a person in your life that you can talk to with my sacred sobriety lab . I have included a VIP Facebook group for women who are working through this lab and this program , because that's another added layer of support and accountability and encouragement . So if you join the lab , just know that you not only have me as your coach , who you can talk to or message if you have any questions , but you will have a community of like-minded women who are working towards the same goal as you . Now , of course , we all our varying , have varying degrees of how much alcohol we want to consume , but within the lab , you are experimenting and trying to figure out what that level of sobriety is , and so that is how this group will help you and support you and give you an outlet so that maybe , if there aren't people in your life that you can talk to who can support you , you at least have that online community there for you .

Speaker 1 9:45

As we're talking about relationships and friends , and support is what is something that you wish your family and friends would say if you were to tell them , or when you tell them , about your desire to drink less or not at all , how would you like them to support you ? Another thing that you might want to think about or journal on is I wish I could forgive myself for and put that out there and definitely take this to prayer and then take it to the sacrament of reconciliation so that you can receive that absolution that you are desiring and you can set that aside and not think about it again , because you have been absolved of it and now you can allow the Lord to pour in his graces and heal you and shower you with his mercy and you can forgive yourself . The next thing you could journal about are what are some things that are helping me ? Look at your successes . What is actually helping you through this process ? What helps you when you are experiencing that sense of grief ? Is it deep breathing work ? Is it listening to podcasts like this one ? Is it going for walks , spending time with your family ? Whatever it is ? Think about those things , write them down and , again , that is something that will be a great tool for you to refer back to when these feelings of grief start to surface .

Speaker 1 12:20

Before I close the show , I do want to give you some tips and strategies for getting through those feelings of grief , other than these journaling prompts that I have given you . Those are going to be great and they will be super , super helpful for you to refer back to in the future as you are creating protocols and plans and that I talk about in my Sacred Spriety Lab . But I have also talked about it on the podcast a bunch too , so you can go back and listen to those episodes . These are just suggestions that can help again if you're feeling those feelings of grief or just like that yucky feeling in your body when you start to think about , you know , reducing or eliminating your alcohol consumption . Or you get a little fixated on all the things that you're giving up , or you start romanticizing alcohol and only remembering the good things instead of the reason that you've decided to cut back or eliminate it . So one thing you can do is just plan extra yummy dinners , because when you start to Eliminate and reduce alcohol , I will tell you , your taste buds will just Explode with flavor , like it's .

Speaker 1 13:42

I don't know if you've ever given up sugar before , but when you give up sugar for a time , or you greatly reduce it , when you have a piece of fruit , it just tastes amazing . But if you have desensitized your taste buds to Sugar or the artificial sweeteners and things like that , then , when you have fruit , doesn't have the same Bursting flavor and taste that it does when you've abstained or reduced your sugar intake for a time , and the same happens with alcohol . So , depending on how often or how much you drink , that will determine what you Experience . I will tell you that investing some time in buying some really fun ingredients and looking up some Neat recipes and just like pouring yourself into it if you enjoy cooking if you don't enjoy cooking , then this may sound terrible and don't do it . But if you like cooking or you maybe you want to do more of it or Experiment more with it then this could be a really good option to kind of take your mind off of what you're missing and Start focusing on something else .

Speaker 1 14:57

The other tip I have for you is just to stick to that routine , that new routine , as much as possible , because

Tips for Building Sober Habits

Speaker 1 15:03

you're going to build your sober muscles and Build a habit . So just remember this is like going to the gym . You can't go to the gym on day one and have lost 10 pounds and be Super , super fit . Right , it takes time , and building those sober muscles , it takes time as well . So just keep at it and just stick to a routine . One of the best routines you can have is to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day .

Speaker 1 15:36

Now I always say one of the benefits to quitting drinking is that you will get better sleep . But I will tell you that it doesn't just Magically happen . It takes a little bit of time for your body to adjust . So just be patient with yourself and know that good sleep is coming and you won't have those 3 am Waking and all the things that happen as the alcohol is leaving your system and your body is processing the alcohol To get rid of it . We talked about this before . Don't isolate . So when you are having those feelings of loneliness or boredom , that is like the perfect time to reach out to someone . So refer back to that list of your support people and give them a call or invite them for coffee or a walk , and Know that isolating isn't going to help you , because when we are only accountable to ourselves , it's really easy to break promises and break trust with ourselves . But when another person is holding us accountable or knows about our Goals and our desires to drink less or not at all , it just makes it so much easier .

Speaker 1 16:49

Okay , friends , sparkling water is a great thing to have and you could even put like a tablespoon of Apple cider vinegar in it just to add like a kick . It can be a great substitute for that nightly alcohol that you have . Is it gonna give you the same euphoric feelings and dopamine hits and all that that alcohol does ? Probably not in the way that you're used to , but I assure you it will be a great substitute . So when you're thinking , oh , I'm sitting here watching this show with my husband and I usually have a glass of wine Maybe just pour some sparkling water in a wine glass , add a shot of apple cider vinegar and drink that , and you know it's a great substitute and get used to that . If you don't like apple cider vinegar For sure , don't put that in there . Just sparkling water or having like sparkling water and maybe like a splash of cranberry juice or orange juice can be really fun and kind of still give you that feeling of having a treat while you're relaxing .

Speaker 1 17:59

Another tip is to get outside . Just take a walk , because that fresh air as soon as it hits our lungs , we just can't help but take a nice deep breath in , and at that moment you may realize that you've probably been taking a lot of shallow breaths and you haven't really taken time to just be . So just get outside , go for a walk , take some deep breaths in that fresh air and , whether it's a short walk or a long walk , just know that you are doing something great for yourself and you're clearing your mind and those feelings of grief , the tightness that you're feeling in your body , or wherever that grief is showing up in your body , will start to dissipate . One of my favorite things when I'm feeling down is to listen to uplifting songs . I don't know about you , but music just transforms my mood , and so I'm not going to listen to a bunch of songs of I don't know .

Speaker 1 19:05

I grew up in the 90s , in the 80s and 90s , so when I go back and I listen to some of the songs from the grunge era that I used to love , I listen to them and I'm like , oh my gosh , those are so depressing . No wonder I was drinking while I was listening to them all the time . So maybe don't choose those songs , but maybe choose some beautiful , like worship music or even instrumental music . I don't know . There's different apps out there . There's different Catholic apps out there that have lots of great uplifting music that also glorifies God . Some of it has no words , some of it has words . So , whatever your preference is , that could be very , very helpful in elevating your mood and helping you cope with that grief that you're feeling .

Speaker 1 19:56

Deep breathing is so good . I just talked about that as far as like when you go for a walk , but most of the day we're taking very , very shallow breaths . So if you just sit and consciously focus on taking a deep breath and then slowly blowing that out , it will help you so much . And I talk about this more in module four of my sacred sobriety lab . But one of the things that people use as they're doing these breathing exercises to connect with the Lord is to say the Jesus prayer Lord Jesus Christ , son of the Living God , have mercy on me , a sinner . So on the inhale , you say Lord Jesus Christ , son of the Living God , and then , as you exhale , you say have mercy on me , a sinner . And there are other prayers that you can say that are short and simple . That will help you both connect with the Lord , manage your mind and get you to take in those deep , cleansing breaths that our bodies really , really need and crave , especially when we are experiencing grief of any kind .

Speaker 1 21:15

Another tip is just allow yourself to grieve . Don't try to push it away or get rid of it like . Just allow yourself to feel those feelings , sit in the discomfort and know that it will not last forever , that it will pass , and then examine your thoughts . Are they encouraging , are they convicting , are they kind , are they loving , are they merciful ? If not , they are not from God and they are not serving you . So you just need to let those go , reframe them so that you are moving forward with your goals instead of staying stuck .

Speaker 1 21:52

I hope that this episode has been helpful for you so that you are not alone . If you are experiencing those feelings of grief , it is very normal and I think that it is great just to realize that . Call it out , talk about it , bring it to light , so that you don't have to sit with it and feel like , oh my goodness , I'm the only one who is experiencing this , because I promise you you are not , and I hope that the tips that I provided will be helpful for you as you do move through that grief . It will not last forever and you know it will come in waves , just as grief does . Okay , so there will be times when you maybe have been reducing or you've eliminated alcohol altogether .

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You go to an event , or you're with a certain person , or you're doing something , and that

Choosing Not to Participate, Finding Support

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hits you right , that grief , that loss of not being able to participate , and it's not that you're not able to , it's that you are choosing not to . So I want you to really really keep that in mind . If your brain offers you the thought I can't do that , think of , I am choosing not to because and that will be so , so helpful . Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend , who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you , you are not alone .