Navigating Relationships When Reducing Alcohol Consumption

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Subriety Podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christy Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a Joyfield Catholic , and I am the Catholic Subriety Coach , and I am so glad you're here , hello and welcome . In today's episode , I'm going to discuss why family and friends might not be supportive when you decide to reduce or eliminate your alcohol consumption . Now , this is something that comes up from time to time with my clients . In most cases , they do have at least a couple of support people who are willing to hold them accountable and support their change and their desire to drink less or not at all for any reason . But unfortunately , there are a lot of circumstances where friends or even family members just don't understand why you are making that decision , and that can be really really difficult , because we just want everyone to understand and be supportive and when they're not , especially when we're making a change that is going to better us and better our health and be better for our families , we just expect them to be supportive . But there are reasons why people are not , or they may be resistant to your changes , and that's what I'm going to discuss on today's podcast . So first I'm going to talk about what some of those roadblocks are that you're going to come up against with some people and why , and then I'm going to discuss how you can handle that , like how you can respond or ask for encouragement and support . So let's dive in .

Speaker 1 2:16

So one of the first hurdles that you may encounter is misunderstandings and assumptions from those around you , and this can stem from a variety of misconceptions about what your decision truly means . Now , some people may interpret your decision to abstain from alcohol or reduce your intake as silent judgment on their own drinking habits . Now , to you that may seem ridiculous , but just as you may feel judged when you go to an event where you're not drinking , you may feel like everyone is looking at you like why isn't she drinking ? And like talking behind your back . In most cases , that is not even happening , but that's what our brain offers us . The same is true for those who are drinking . They think that we are silently judging them when really we're not , but they might feel like your sobriety implies that you are morally superior or that all of their choices are wrong , and these assumptions could then create a defensive response , and that's because really no one likes to feel judged or criticized , and , again , you're probably not even doing that , but that's just what their brains are offering them .

Speaker 1 3:39

We know that your choice to reduce or eliminate alcohol is a personal one and it's based on your own experiences and your needs , whether that's for health reasons , mental health reasons . You just want more clarity . Maybe your gut is messed up and you're just trying to eliminate things that might be bothering you , but it's not necessarily a statement about what others should do with their own lifestyle . It's just one that you're doing for yourself . So just clearly communicating your reasons for choosing to drink less or not at all and reassuring your loved ones that you're not judging their choices can help alleviate these misunderstandings . And just remember this is your journey and try to remain detached from what they are thinking or feeling , because you are making the right decision for you .

Speaker 1 4:34

Peer pressure is another significant factor that can impact your journey to discerning the level of sobriety that is right for you . Now we all know we live in this alcohol-soaked culture . It's a societal norm where drinking occurs in pretty much every event or party , whether that's birthdays , holidays , weddings , even casual get-togethers , happy hours after work , even bringing in beer to the office for beer 30 . I mean , alcohol can be the focal point of all of these celebrations and it can be really difficult and intense to resist that . So the decision to reduce or abstain from alcohol in this situation might make your friends and family feel uncomfortable , because maybe it's something you've always participated in . Again , they're going to feel judged , possibly , and maybe even feel a little awkward about partaking in alcohol if you're not . But it's okay , it doesn't really matter what they think . I do want you to know that their own discomfort can lead them to try to pressure you to join them , either subtly or overtly , as a way to alleviate their own uneasiness .

Speaker 1 6:03

So you may have Wally the Wine pusher that's like , oh , just have a drink . And you're like no , thank you . And he's like , no , you should really have a drink . And you're like no , thank you . He's like , no , this is a great bottle of wine , you have to taste this . And you're like no , thank you . It's going to be uncomfortable , but you can do it and you can stick to your guns and just feel really good about your decision . The thing is to remember that Wally the Wine pusher is not going to wake up with the hangover or have to deal with the consequences of a night of over-consuming alcohol from your perspective and you don't have to either you can just say no . So it's essential to remember that your decision to abstain from alcohol is about your well-being and it doesn't reflect anyone else's choices . But navigating these social situations can be super challenging and may require difficult conversation , setting clear boundaries and finding new ways to participate . I have a lot of podcast episodes on this and I would invite you to check them out .

Speaker 1 7:12

So when you choose to stop drinking or reduce your alcohol consumption , it can definitely bring about a significant shift in certain relationships , and this change can be very noticeable if alcohol has been like the central part of that relationship . Relationship , so friendships that revolve around bar outings , wine tasting events , mommy get together's where the main event , or simply having a few beers while watching a game or , you know , going out it can it can feel different when you decide to go sober . It's going to be uncomfortable , but everything that is worth doing is a bit uncomfortable , right . So you just have to get comfortable with the discomfort and know that by saying no to this , it's not like you're trying to deprive yourself . You're saying no so that you can be open to other things , and that mind shift can help you when you are , you know , in these types of social situations . Now let me be real with you .

Navigating Relationships During Sobriety

Speaker 1 8:27

You may find out that some of these relationships , these friendships , are very superficial and once alcohol is removed , those people may go away . They may stop inviting you to things . They may , you know , not really want to be around you because , again , as I've talked about so much earlier , they may feel judged . Your sobriety may make them feel a little uncomfortable . They may have to face their own drinking and like , take a look at that and you know it's like I would tell my teenagers , if they're gonna go away , then they weren't really good friends to begin with . So I would just take that into consideration . When that happens , it can be really hard to lose a friend or a good friend . But again , if they are leaving because your decision to drink less or not at all for you and for your health and your well-being is affecting them in such a way that they don't even want to be around you , then quite honestly , that is their loss . You may even find that , not may . You will find , actually , that removing alcohol from the equation can often lead to deeper and even more meaningful connections . It might take some time and patience and again it's going to feel uncomfortable , but with open communication and respect and support , this can maybe even change and strengthen other friendships .

Speaker 1 10:07

Unfortunately , a significant challenge on the path to sobriety can be a lack of awareness or understanding from others about the importance of having a supportive environment . Now , this could stem from a basic lack of knowledge about recovery and addiction , or from the societal misconceptions about what it means to want to reduce or eliminate alcohol consumption for any reason . It doesn't mean that you have a problem if you just decide that you don't want to consume alcohol in the way that you have , that you've wanted to make changes . I have many clients who don't have an alcohol quote-unquote problem . They just are not happy with the way the alcohol affects them . They're not happy with the way they feel like Alcohol is more in control of them than they are of it and it's just about retraining our brains and creating new habits and it's such a blessing once you kind of detach from that because you see how beneficial it is for you .

Speaker 1 11:23

But some people might not fully grasp the seriousness of your decision to reduce or quit drinking . They may even view it as a simple lifestyle choice , like deciding to exercise more or cut out junk food , which , you know . It can very much be that , but for most of us we want to make this a lifestyle . We want to find the level of sobriety that is right for us and then maintain that , persevere through it . These people are well-meaning , but they may not realize the impact their actions or words can have on your journey and they may unintentionally create a challenging environment for you by offering you drinks or making light of your decision .

Speaker 1 12:10

I mean , how many times like you don't have a drinking problem ? I used to hear that from people sometimes and I'm like , are you kidding me ? Like , are you kidding me ? I definitely , I definitely did . But for some people it doesn't look like a problem and you might even look at it and be like it's not that big of a problem because it's not . It doesn't look like how Janice drinks , or it doesn't look how Uncle Frank drinks , or you know , and it doesn't have to if it's creating any chaos in your life or making you feel like you don't have control over it or that it's just taking up too much brain space .

Speaker 1 12:51

That is a decision in and of itself to want to reduce or eliminate it . If you're not feeling good physically or you're dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression , alcohol is not helping that . So by eliminating it at least for a time and getting really curious about it and trying to see like , do I feel better ? How much is an okay level for me to drink those are all things that you get to decide , but it's so much easier when we have a supportive environment . It's not 100% necessary , but it really is a crucial component for success , especially if you can have a safe person where you . They just make you feel understood and accepted , no matter what . Whether they drink or not , it doesn't matter , as long as they are giving you the support and love and encouragement that you need , that can be a huge blessing .

Speaker 1 14:59

Now , one of the other things that you will find is that some people are just so fearful of change , and fear is a powerful emotion and it can significantly impact how others react to your decision to stop drinking . Change , even when it's positive , can be intimidating because it disrupts the familiar patterns and routines that we're comfortable with and it introduces uncertainty , and it forces us to adjust to new circumstances , which can be super challenging for most people . Now , in the context of your decision to reduce or eliminate alcohol , your loved ones might fear how this change will affect your relationship with them , and really so much of what we have discussed earlier kind of stems from that fear . Again , if alcohol has been a common factor in your interactions , such as meeting for drinks , celebrating a champagne , the removal of this element can lead to concerns about what your relationship will look like moving forward . Moreover , your loved ones might fear that you might be able to get into a relationship with them . So that's why I'm here today . I'm here to help you . I'm here to help you . I'm here to help you . I'm here to help you .

Speaker 1 16:11

The changes in you as a person . Sobriety can often lead to personal growth and transformation , and , while this is so positive , it can be daunting for those around you , like they can feel , like oh , are they leaving me behind ? They might wonder if you'll still be the same person that they know and love , or if changing your lifestyle will create a distance between you . So it's just important to reassure them that , during this time of change , you want to continue to maintain and strengthen your relationships , but you wanna do that without alcohol , because really it's a deterrent . This can help alleviate the fears and set them at ease . So I've touched on this a little bit , but let's go over it again just to clarify and kind of pull these tips out for you .

Speaker 1 17:05

I wanna talk about how someone who has decided to reduce or eliminate alcohol can put friends and family at ease , like make them a little more comfortable , while also communicating your need for support and encouragement . Now , first I wanna point out that you do not owe anyone an explanation . Just explaining to them that they are not you and they don't have to deal with the ramifications that you experience from a night of overdrinking is often enough . But I do want to give you some clear tips that can help you just communicate your needs . So the first again openly communicate your decision .

Speaker 1 17:44

So start by having an open and honest conversation about your decision to reduce or quit drinking . Clearly explain your reasons and motives behind this decision . This could be related to health concerns , personal growth or really anything . Only share what you feel comfortable sharing . You don't have to share everything . You can just share what they need to know and leave the rest .

Speaker 1 18:10

The second is to express your needs clearly , be straightforward about what kind of support and encouragement you need . This could involve asking them to refrain from offering you alcoholic beverages or inviting you to an alcohol-centric events or discussing alcohol-related topics around you . Now you can do that or not do that . I find that I just like to be invited , so I usually don't ask people not to invite me , but maybe in the earlier stages , especially if you are having a really , really difficult time saying no , you may want to ask them to . Maybe not invite you , not offer those , maybe not even discuss alcohol around you . You can just ask for emotional support as well , such as understanding , patience and encouragement , because you will be experiencing challenging moments and it would be great if you knew that you could lean on them for support . Reassure them about your relationship , so just address any fears or concerns that they may have about how your decision might affect your relationship with them . Make it clear that , while your choice to stop drinking is a significant change for you , it doesn't mean that your relationship has to suffer and you are not judging them in any way . There are so many ways to connect and enjoy each other's company that don't involve alcohol and you might get to experience some new things together .

Speaker 1 19:42

Number four educate them . If they are willing , just share some educational resources about the effects of alcohol and the benefits of reducing or eliminating it . Just make sure you do it again in a non-judgmental way and only if they seem interested or are asking questions that would lead them to want to know . Ultimately , it can help them understand your decision better and may dispel any misconceptions that they may have about alcohol dependence or misuse . Number five encourage their participation as well . You can invite them to join you in some of your new sober activities or anything that doesn't revolve around alcohol . It can help them see firsthand that sobriety doesn't equate to boredom and that you are not a boring person and you're still fun and you're still the same person that you've always been , and that there are plenty of enjoyable ways to spend time together without alcohol .

Speaker 1 20:44

Number six patience and understanding . Just remember , just as it takes time for you to adjust to a life with less or no alcohol , it will also take time for your loved ones to adjust to this change . Just be patient with them and understand that they might not fully grasp your decision right away and you are probably going to change as a person . I know that I have some clients who have always identified themselves as an extrovert . Yet when they stop drinking they realize that they really do like spending time at home and they're not really as extroverted as they thought . So that's okay , too , to realize that about yourself . Sometimes , in emptying ourself of something or detaching from something , we discover the real and true desires that we have and the things that really feed us and give us joy . So again , you are only accountable to you . No one is going to do this work for you and it doesn't matter if they understand or not . Just try to be really detached from what people think . Your success is not dependent on another person . And remember no thank you is a complete sentence .

Speaker 1 22:04

I also have a podcast on having a party protocol . Go check that out . If you are heading to an event , it can be really , really helpful to make sure that you plan and prepare so that when these situations or conversations come up , you know exactly what you wanna say . I also invite you to join my free five day sacred sobriety kickstart . In it I explain in detail my Pearl technique and give you some other tools and resources that are going to help you . I have a great workbook in there that has so many of the same tools I use with my own coaching clients , and it is all for you for free . You can also check out my sacred sobriety lab , which is a program where I go even deeper . I have five modules . We begin and end the program in prayer , and there's lots of prayer and connecting with God in between . You can also book a discovery call with me so we can chat and find out if one-on-one coaching would be helpful for you in accelerating your results .

Speaker 1 23:19

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode

Catholic Sobriety Podcast and Coaching

Speaker 1 23:26

and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone . You will hear what the arguments are like .