Catholic Sobriety

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christy Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here . Okay , my guest today is Nicole Houghin . She is a wife to Will and mom to six beautiful girls . Nicole is a nurse and a life coach for Catholic women who work in health care . She lives in North Dakota with her family dogs , cat and chickens . You have like a mini farm . I love it .

Speaker 1 0:58

The reason that I wanted to have Nicole on the show today is that while I was in outpatient treatment for my own alcohol addiction , there were 10 participants and in the program were three nurses who are struggling with addiction . Additionally , one of my best friends's mom was a nurse and she struggled with addiction and I've always wondered if it had to do with the demands of the job , the easy access to medications or both , or something else . So Nicole is a nurse herself and coaches other women in health care . I just thought that she would be the perfect person not only to shed light on this issue , but talk about ways that health care workers can seek assistance if they find themselves in this situation or tempted into doing it . So welcome Nicole . It is so great to have you here . Hey , thank you for having me . So why don't we go ahead and just start with a little bit of your journey and what led you to become a life coach for women in health care ?

Speaker 2 2:18

Yeah , so I got married pretty young I was 22 , had our first baby at 23 , and then all the babies to follow , and in 2019 , both of my parents died . My dad died from prostate cancer . He had had that for 10 years and it had gotten bad enough . We just chose to stop treatments and he passed away in that summer . And then a few months after that , my mom died . She was coming home . It was a winter night , kind of storming , and the water was up level with like the road , and when all the snow was over it you couldn't tell where the road was . So she turned too soon accidentally and like her vehicle went out onto water and then it fell through and so that's how she passed away .

Speaker 2 3:05

And at the time I was working as a hospice nurse and had just had my six baby , like six weeks before my dad died , and so it was so much . It was so intense , so much stress , so overwhelming , and then grief . And then you're going and trying to help other families with their grief and it was so much . And then , through that , also like a month after my mom died , then my husband , I found out had financial infidelity , and so that just kind of crumbled and then COVID hit and so lockdowns . I'm trying to like social distance learning and all the things right . So at that point I was like , okay , something has to give . And my husband and I went to a retrovi and that was helpful , but I just I realized that within myself like I was so angry and resentful and there had been fractures in our marriage going on for a long time and all of this grief kind of brought it all to the surface and so I was like other women who work in healthcare , like they have to be drowning , like I am Like this is so much and so .

Speaker 2 4:14

So that's why I was like , okay , I'm gonna , I'm gonna be a life coach and I'm going to help Catholic women who work in healthcare , because I think , especially like our faith is important to talk about . It's very important to me and I believe that in a few years time , if we don't talk more about our faith , if we don't support each other through that we we're gonna see Catholic workers like in healthcare , like they're gonna be leaving and so we're not going to have anybody left to take care of us working in healthcare because of the challenges we face , face with , like changing in laws and all that and then , plus the stress of the job , I mean it's just stressful to begin with and then you're being asked to potentially do something that goes against your faith and against your morals . You're just gonna be like , okay , I'm out , so . So I'm also going to be , or I'm opening up a support group for women who work in healthcare , like Catholic women who work in healthcare . So I'm pretty excited about that as well . So that's a little synopsis of my life .

Speaker 1 5:18

Yeah , I love that , I love your mission and and what you're doing , because you're right , you see that in healthcare , you see that in like schools , like teachers are leaving because of how they have to speak to their students and all of that , and I , I'm sure in healthcare it's even more so , like that . And then , yeah , with with COVID , obviously we all saw really crazy things happening , but absolutely , healthcare right , you guys were at the forefront of that . I think it's beautiful that you were able to use your immense grief which my condolences on the passing of your parents , because that had to be so difficult on top of , like , everything else that was going on . I mean , just in and of itself , losing one parent is a lot , but then you had all of these things . So , instead of you know turning to something like super unhealthy or you know doing something that you might regret later , I love how you were able to kind of just think through it and be like , okay , my husband and I , let's , let's work on this , let's , let's go to retrovi and try to repair our relationship .

Speaker 1 6:43

Let's , let me see , take this pain and use it to help other Catholic women in health care , and I imagine that in doing that you've been able to heal yourself in the process as well , obviously with God's grace and your very , very strong Catholic faith and all of that . So faith obviously plays a huge role in in everything you do and with the women that you work with . Have you seen an increase in either the nurses you know or the women who are coming to you , turning to substances or something else to either buffer or cope with all of the the immense demands of not just being a health care worker but a mom and a wife ?

Speaker 2 7:33

Yeah , absolutely , and I think you know it doesn't have to be where like okay , like you're stealing pills , like from your work , and maybe that is what's happening . But I think more like what I see is that women , we're just , we're overeating , we're over drinking , where we're scrolling on our phones all the time and because we just want to not feel that intense pressure and stress all the time . And we got into health care because we want to help people and it feels like right now like everybody's just so angry , everybody's so mad . Like you know , nurses used to be like the heroes , and doctors like we , used to be the heroes , and now it's like people Google something , like like you're wrong , you know why should I do it this way ? This person don't tell me this over here

Healthcare Workers' Mental Health Struggles

Speaker 2 8:24

, you know .

Speaker 2 8:24

So you just , you take it so personally and it hurts , and and then you go home and you know I had young kids and it was so demanding , and and then your husband needs you as well , and so there's just so many polls and it just feels like , okay , like I got into this to help people and I'm not helping anybody , I'm failing , I'm failing all the time . And so then you turn to alcohol , drugs , you know , scrolling on your phone over eating , and it just it happens , I think , so quickly that then you know , you kind of see that it's a problem , but maybe you don't want to admit it to yourself or like , well , this is better than I could be doing this , you know , then I didn't really be a problem . So so what I've noticed too is like I love when women can talk about it . I love when you can just really be honest , because we all are struggling with something yeah , I think that's the key is bringing it to the surface .

Speaker 1 9:28

Because when we get stuck in that shame like maybe I'm a nurse , I shouldn't be struggling with this , I'm I'm supposed to help people , I'm supposed to you know , whatever it is . Or I'm a mom and I shouldn't be struggling with this , I should not be annoyed that my children are doing this . They're just being children , you know . We put these demands on ourselves and then we feel shame about it , and then it just kind of sends us into that buffering sequence right where we're using food or substance or scrolling or whatever it is to try to feel good , but then later we just feel guilty about whatever it is that we were doing .

Speaker 1 10:08

So I love that , pulling it out and shining a light on it , and that's really what coaching does , right . That's what you do for your clients and that's what I do for my clients . We're able to talk to them and listen to them . That's the key is listening to them and then being able to reflect that back and say did you see this thought ? Did you know that you were having this thought ? And and then we can address it , because sometimes we just it's been playing in our head so much that we don't even realize that it's there until somebody else brings it out for us . In your experience , have you noticed that , like access to medication is a temptation for nurses or other health care workers ?

Speaker 2 10:54

I think it can be . In my experience I only had one instance where , like they were kind of questioning somebody and it was like kind of under investigation . But I think it is , I think it's a temptation , because it's there and you have access to it , and so , you know , you start to think , well , maybe this will make me feel better , Maybe this will be the answer , and then you know , then you start playing out your mind little , how can I get that , how can I like ? And so I think that it is more prevalent just because you do have access to it . Somebody just you know , working construction or working in a grocery store , like they don't have access to pills , like that all the time . So I think it is more common just because you have that access .

Speaker 1 11:41

Yeah , I agree Because it is . It's just if it's just there and it's readily accessible , and I think that's a lot of times how women get into a drinking habit , that all of a sudden they're like , wait , this is a problem , but it's because it's in their fridge or in the liquor cabinet or you know , it's very accessible and so it , like you said , you're like , oh , maybe that will make me feel better because nothing else seems to be working . I don't know what else to do in this moment and that seems like an easy fix . So what do you think ? I mean obviously the world's been super crazy forever , but I mean in recent years , especially for healthcare . What kind of support system do you think should be in place for nurses and other healthcare workers who are dealing with addiction or other unhealthy attachments ?

Speaker 2 12:36

Yeah , and I think for one , like for me , coaching has always helped me , or since I found it I shouldn't say always within recent years after I've found it it's helped me because it is a place that is judgment-free and you can come and you can talk about it and you can say things that you've probably never admitted even to yourself , and you can voice that and even just that , like physical weight is being off your chest and that .

Speaker 2 13:01

And then I would say too , like to go talk to your pastor about it , your priest , you know , go to confession if you can , and in the workplace they often have like a number you can call . That's like a counseling that's available . And if you have gotten to the point where you have taken some pills , I would probably go to like my boss or HR place and just be honest and just say , hey , what happened ? And then they can provide you with the steps after that , because my understanding is now , like a nurse , you cannot be fired . I'm not sure all other areas of healthcare , but I don't believe you can be fired due to that issue and so then they help provide you with counseling and a rehab and things like that to get you back on your feet , and so that's as far as I know . That's how it is .

Speaker 1 14:02

Yeah , and that's good to know , because some people may not know that , and so it's refreshing also to know that there are things available and that going to your employer doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna be fired , but instead that you would be able to get the help that you need , to detach from whatever it is that you're struggling with . So when ? So you work with Catholic women in healthcare , so how do you see the demands of like being , you know , a good Catholic and being a good nurse ? Do you see that as something that's easy to do , or is there a conflict there that can kind of pull at women and cause them some anxiety ?

Speaker 2 15:02

I feel like it can be very easy , but our mind wants to complicate it and it wants to blurry the lines , whereas our faith has very clear lines and say , I mean , with healthcare it's like , okay , there really are clear lines . People wanna muddy it and they want to say , oh , it's blurry but it's not . And so I think to focus on that and then and then again , like I said , what women talk to me about is like some of those blurry lines , like once you break it down , you're like , well , that's not actually true . That person didn't actually say that . You're just assuming all these

Supporting Healthcare Workers and Battling Addiction

Speaker 2 15:43

things . And to like just point it out and realize it and be like , oh , I do have control here , oh , I can say no , oh , it really opens that up . To be like , wait , what are the laws in my state ? Like , do I legally have to provide that to this person , or can I have a religious exemption ? And a lot of people they just we don't know because our mind wants to complicate it so much and it really can be simple .

Speaker 1 17:16

Yeah , that's so good because you're right , I think we do over complicate things in general . But then with your job or your profession , it can be like , well , you just assume certain things that you don't know . Or , like you said , if somebody in another state , let's say your friends with another nurse or another healthcare worker and things are different in their state , you may just assume that that's the same in your state when it's not so . Research sounds like one of the biggest keys to just knowing your rights and being able to have that distance or know when you can say no and when you have to say yes . So that's really good .

Speaker 2 18:05

Yeah , one of the biggest things is just to recognize like , oh , that's just a story , I've told myself Is that actually true ? And most of the time what I've found is that it's just a story and you really have no facts to back that up at all .

Speaker 1 18:20

Yeah , yeah , it's fake news in your head , right ? Yeah , that you've made up . Yeah , exactly so . Do you think that there are any unique challenges for nurses or healthcare workers when they're trying to seek help for addiction , or do you think that it's pretty much the same for everyone ?

Speaker 2 18:42

I think probably some of the challenge would be if you went to like a rehab or counseling that then doesn't align with your faith or just kind of brushes aside your faith part . I would say that would be like probably just find somebody else or go and see if there is anything else available . But I think the biggest obstacle is always just ourself . Like we feel so much guilt and shame and especially when you , like you're in this role , will you tell people all day , every day , how to take care of themselves , and then if you're not taking care of yourself , like it just feels so heavy and so that is most of that like the biggest obstacle , that once you overcome that , then everything else just kind of gets easy and plays out .

Speaker 1 19:29

Yeah , so as a healthcare worker , when I look at nurses and doctors , they do seem so stoic and , like you're saying , they're telling other people how to take care of themselves and all of that . But for those of us who are friends or family or no healthcare workers , love these people . What can we do to Not just support them but also recognize when they're struggling ?

Speaker 2 20:02

Yeah , I think . Well , for one , I have a lot of free content on my YouTube channel , I have a podcast , point them in that direction and anything too , to just find something that you can connect with them on , because yet you might not specifically understand what they're going through in their work , but on a human level you can understand what it feels like to be stressed and overwhelmed and exhausted . And so just to offer just simple , practical things of you know , hey , like I'm running to the store , do you need anything ? Or my cousins and I we always have like a text going of like , oh , how much water did you drink today ? You're like , oh , yeah , how much sleep ? You know like just , I think just basic , practical things to just show like support .

Speaker 2 20:54

And you know we're always quick to jump on ourselves and be like , oh , why should I ? Should start this , and then I should do this and then this , and like , instead of that , just take a deep breath and be like what can I let go of right now to you know , like , do I need to drop off the kids every single day ? Can I ask my husband for help ? Can I ask a friend for help ? Can I ? Can I do ? I have to homemade , homemade the cookies for the you know the birthday party , or can I just pick them up from the store ?

Speaker 2 21:29

You know just simple things like that , I think , to recognize and maybe even to ask like your family member or friend or sister , and just be like , hey , like is that really necessary ? Like you seem to really stress right now . Like you know , and then you know a lot of times people like say , oh , how can I help . But that's so open-ended that I often feel like you know , like more specifically , like hey , would it help if I picked up the kids for you today ? Like I know it's been a long time since you have your husband and you have had a date night . Like could I watch him for a few hours ? Like just really simple things , you know , like just to be like helps them feel like they can breathe for a little bit . It goes along , yeah .

Speaker 1 22:07

Yes , I agree , and I feel like sometimes I'm not like the best person about offering help to people . I do notice that I'm like well , let me know if I can help you , and that is it's so not very helpful , because it's like I'm here , like when you figure out what you want and I would totally help . But I love what you said about being very specific , like can I take the kids for a couple hours so you can take an app or get some stuff done , or can I bring you guys a meal ? It seems like you've been working late , you know , and I think it is easier for people , especially those in , like the service industry , when you're serving people all day , to accept other people's wanting to bless you if they're specific , because you're probably not going to think about something that you want help with and call somebody and be like hey , can you get this at the grocery store for me ? But if they're offering I'm going to the grocery store , then you can be like , oh yeah , I really need this ?

Speaker 2 23:15

Yeah , absolutely . Because , like I know , like I was , like you know , having six kids in like eight years , like I was always tired , always , but I did not want to ask anybody for help because I also thought , well , that meant I'm failing even more . And so I think that I mean , from my experience , a lot of people that work in healthcare are the same way . I mean , we're not all type A personalities , but we're kind of that way . So it's like , oh , that that'll be a failure . I better not ask for help , even though all day long we're talking to people who are sick and suffering and dying and we're saying , oh , reach out for help , you're not a burden . But then it saved me . I like , well , I don't want to be a burden . You know , the more yes , the more specific you can be in offering the help is , the more willing , like I know for myself that I'm , I will accept it .

Speaker 1 24:07

Then I don't , I don't feel like a burden then yeah , because they're offering it in a very specific way and you know that they are willing to take it on because it's so specific that it's like oh , okay .

Speaker 1 24:19

Yeah , yeah , I love that . That's so good . So I guess one of the last things that I would ask is do you have any advice for nurses or healthcare workers ? You've touched on a few things , but is there any other advice that you would have for those especially Catholic nurses and healthcare workers who are battling addiction or they have even have , like , a family member who is battling addiction and how they can help them as well ?

Speaker 2 24:58

Yeah , I think one of the biggest things is to just and I know that people say this all the time and I know it kind of sounds like , you know , wish you'd want to put just like really to give it to God because , like after my parents died , going through marriage struggles , like I was angry at God but I didn't really want to admit that , I didn't really want to say that you know like , and my priest was like , just tell him you know like he can handle it , he already knows anyway .

Speaker 2 25:29

So , just like , so I blocked off time in my calendar and you know , didn't have kids around , and I just like yelled at him , I laid it all out there , and maybe most people don't have to do that .

Speaker 2 25:41

But just to be honest , because I think we either like hide and shame or we just kind of like , okay , god , here you go , like we just very flippantly do it , and so I think very intentionally to invite God into that and say I am struggling with this , I'm failing , I can't do this anymore alone , and just invite him in first , because once you do , then it gets easier to talk to people about it too , and I think too , especially if you have the loved one that , like struggles with addiction . I always tell people like you can't control them , unfortunately , like you know , like you can reach out to them , you can support them , you can offer , like , but you can't control anything . And so I think it is also very important to just consistently just keep saying , hey , I'm here for you , I love you , like it's okay , and then to pray for them as well , because really that's the only thing that we really honestly can do .

Speaker 1 26:44

Yes , yeah , that is so true . That is so true . That was all good advice and you're

Supporting Catholic Women in Healthcare

Speaker 1 26:50

right , it's like it sounds really easy , like , or simple . It sounds simple to say , like , turn it over to God . But I love how you said invite him in , right ? That's what really transforms us when we can invite him in and be very real and , just like you said , just let him know and then ask him , like , what do I need to do next ? What are the next steps ? How can I help my loved one , or how can I help myself , and what do you need me to do ?

Speaker 1 27:23

And , as Catholics , I think that can be very , very powerful . And a lot of times we'll like discount it as like , oh , it's not gonna help or it's not gonna work . And you know , healing comes through faith , and the more that we have faith that God will help us and will be with us and pour all those graces into us to strengthen us to do what we need to do , the more healing we'll experience . Well , I love what you do , so I want you to talk a little bit more about what you do for Catholic women in healthcare and how about ? About your program too , and if you have a freebie . I'll link it in the show notes too .

Speaker 2 28:06

Okay , yeah , so I basically I help women like stop those stories that go under their mind , you know , but like their coworkers and how they do it on purpose and how they stole their pen on purpose and all those things that we all struggle with and it really to just break it down and to it really does . It brings more peace and calm and less stress and I help women . It helps you get out of burnout Like you don't burn out in a job as fast and it also invites the Lord . If you are called to step away from healthcare , you feel at peace with that . Or if you're called to stay in it , then you also feel at peace with that . Really , we just invite the Lord in to our decisions and then with this support group , I help .

Speaker 2 28:51

It's really just a time to share and to say hey , I'm also going through this struggle , and to connect with other people , because it's crazy how , in a profession of being around people all day long , you feel so lonely and so isolated , and especially as a Catholic it's like I know there's a lot of Catholics that work in healthcare but you don't talk about it much in the workplace and so unless you kind of know them from church or a different area , then you wouldn't know that when you go to work . And so it really just helps open those doors to like say , hey , there are a lot of us , there's more of us , and to support each other through all the struggles that we go through . And so when you sign up for the support group , it is you get the first month free . So Awesome .

Speaker 1 29:47

That is so good and it's probably more fun too , right Cause then you get to be with other women and healthcare workers and you get to talk and there's probably all those like inside things that just you guys know and understand , and so being able to have other people that you can talk to and relate those things to , like when you said , like she stole my head on purpose , like that is probably like a real thing . You know that happens and there's some nurse out there that's like , yes , like that happened to me on Thursday . I swear yeah . So I think that that's wonderful . So thank you so much for the work you do , not only as all the work that you did as a nurse and helping people , especially in a hospice just walk them through that grief but thank you so much for the work you do helping other Catholic women in healthcare . Thank you for being here . Yeah , thank you so much . Yeah , god bless you and all the women that you're helping . I'll be praying for you , thank you .

Speaker 1 30:50

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend , who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic sobrietycoach . I look forward to speaking to you next time . And remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone .