Catholic Sobriety

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christy Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here . If you've been starting to question whether or not alcohol is serving you and you're a bit concerned about your increase in alcohol consumption and maybe the frequency of when you are consuming alcohol , then I think you'll find my interview with today's guest most helpful . My guest today is Maria Riley .

Speaker 1 0:52

Maria is a passionate Catholic who loves volunteering when she's not writing or moming . She is the author of the Catholic chapter book series Adventures with the Saints , and she and her family reside in the great state of Kansas . You can find out more about her at mariaryliethorrorcom . I feel so blessed to have Maria here today because she will be sharing her recovery story with us . She's actually the first guest that I've had to share her recovery from alcohol on the program and I am just so , so grateful . I know that she's going to provide a lot of insights that are going to encourage and inspire you on your journey to drink less or not at all . Welcome , maria . Thank you so much for being here . Thanks , christy , it's so great to be here . I guess we should just start at the beginning . Can you just share a little bit about you , your story with alcohol and your journey towards sobriety ?

Speaker 2 2:00

Absolutely . I am a . My primary vocation is wife . I have an amazing husband and we have four daughters . My oldest is biological and my three youngest daughters were all adopted through foster care . So a big part of my story was after giving birth to my first daughter .

Speaker 2 2:19

I suffered recurrent miscarriages and suffered from what they call secondary infertility , which was very challenging , and I'm not sure if any of your listeners can relate , but dealing with infertility issues really sent me into a pretty intense depression , and , given the limited tools that I had , I turns to alcohol to cope . So whenever we were trying to conceive and I was pregnant , I was like the epitome of health and did everything right . And then , with each subsequent loss I had four in a row I turned to alcohol quicker and it became more intense . And so , through that whole process , my husband and I became foster parents , thinking that it would keep us busy while we continue to grow our family . Instead , god had different plans for us and we wanted adopting twins , so obviously biologically related and then an unrelated fourth daughter . And then so , when we adopted my well , when we got place with my youngest , I had a four year old twin , two and a half year olds and a two month old , which was a lot , a lot .

Speaker 2 3:31

My husband used to travel for work and so , again , I would survive the days , and I was a very , very dedicated mom . I never drank during the day in front of my kids . I never , ever , drove with them in the car . If I had ever been drinking , I didn't drink and drive . I did most of my drinking at home , after the kids went to bed , and what I learned is , as the years went on , my one glass of wine became two glasses of wine , became a bottle of wine , became a box of wine in the fridge , because I didn't want to see the bottles that I was going through . It was too much in my face . And then by the end , you know , the wine wasn't enough and I had switched to mixed drinks , and it alcohol became my nightly crutch and my nightly reward for surviving motherhood . You know like I felt overwhelmed and just burdened by my life . We don't live close to family at all and so I just I don't have a lot of support .

Speaker 2 4:30

And then , when my husband would be gone for work , like alcohol was my only friend at the end of the day , and for a long time it felt like it was doing the trick for me , but by the last , the last year was was not good , and so it all finally came to a head for me . So we moved in February of 2020 to a new state where we still didn't have any family , and then , of course , covid hit . And then , all of a sudden , I was home all day , every day , educating four kids , which was so , so challenging . But what happened was I had no points of accountability , I had no friends , I had no family , we weren't seeing anybody and I was never driving . And so then , all of a sudden , my , you know , I'll never drink until after the kids are in bed . I'll never drink until dinner .

Speaker 2 5:18

You know , all these rules that I had , they went out the window with COVID , and COVID was survival , and everybody was stressed , and everybody was drinking and taking pictures on their front lawn with cases of beer and kegs and , like I , just I thought everyone had to do it . And and so that was I . All of a sudden , these , like these protections , these safety bumpers that I had in place to make sure my , my drinking didn't get out of control , all were removed , and then my drinking got out of control , and so I was I mean by the grace of God , able to recognize that my relationship with alcohol was not okay . And I got my butt up one day into an AA meeting and said I don't think that I'm an alcoholic , but I don't know how to live without drinking and I need help . And and then everything changed from there . So that was about two and a half years ago now .

Speaker 1 6:11

Wow , well , congratulations on your sobriety and I think a lot of women can relate . I personally talked to a lot of women where , just as you described with COVID , we're at home all the time , and I loved what you said . All your safety buffers were gone because you didn't have to drive anywhere . You couldn't really go anywhere and then , like you said , with you moving then you didn't even have that accountability of your friends and family around either . So you mentioned AA was part of your story . That's part of my recovery as well , and how did your husband react to all of this ? And then you seeking support through Alcoholics Anonymous ?

Speaker 2 7:06

So I am not what they call like a classic low bottom alcoholic . So I had the husband and the kids . I never lost custody of my kids , I never had a DUI , I never had any sort of external consequences , and everyone in my life , all of my friends and my family , my husband , my extended family , everyone in my life drank , and so my husband , my mom , all of my best friends told me that I wasn't an alcoholic . I didn't have a problem . Everybody drank . Of course I had to drink . Circumstances were so challenging . I had four kids COVID in the world , and so I really got no support from any of the family and the people that I had in my life , and so a huge part of why I went to AA I wasn't sure that I was actually an alcoholic because I didn't live under a bridge drinking out of a brown paper bag every day .

Speaker 2 7:59

I went because I thought I just need to find some other women who don't drink . I have no one in my life to go have a coffee with . Every all of my social events revolved around alcohol . We kept a well-stocked liquor cabinet at home and my husband still drank , and he still drinks to this day . So from day one of my sobriety he continued to drink , because that is his choice and he does not struggle with it the way that I do . But it was challenging at first , but then I think that it's really helped solidify my sobriety in that it's always been available and I didn't do it with him or for him , I didn't do it for any of my friends and I didn't even do it for my kids , because they were young enough and didn't really see what was going on , because the vast majority of it was happening on my couch when my kids were in bed . I did it because I knew that alcohol was controlling me and that I could not survive a day without it and I hated that . And so that was what finally got my butt in through the door of AA . And then what I found there .

Speaker 2 9:08

I had such misconceptions about AA . I thought it was sort of cultish and I always sort of judged people who would go to AA meetings for years and years and years because I would think how sad they used to be an alcoholic and now they're sober . And then they spend all their time going to these meetings talking about drinking . Like don't you get sober to start living your life ? And like wow , was I just like so wrong about what the fellowship and community and recovery looks like ? And now , like a week doesn't go by without me making it to a meeting , because that's what grounds me in my gratitude and my humility and my ability to serve and support other people in recovery , and like refocus me right back towards God so that my life stays on track , so I never need to drink again . It's not about wanting to and resisting , it's about that desire being completely removed .

Speaker 1 10:04

Yeah , Isn't that beautiful how that happens too , because I kind of had that perception too . People had to be . If they weren't at a meeting , then they were just going to go off the rails and drink . And that's certainly not the case for many and most of us who attain a certain level of sobriety . It's always there . It can always happen to any of us at any moment .

Speaker 1 10:30

But when you have that support and , like you were saying , being able to help others , having the gratitude of like these people helped me , support me when no one else in my life thought I even had a problem , but I knew that I had a problem . Just being around like other people who understand , who get it , the things that they say in AA , that kind of like sticks with you . Sometimes I would think , oh , that's so corny , but it's that mindset shift . What a grace of God for you to have such a high bottom and recognize that within yourself . You know God was , I'm sure you know , right there nudging you saying hey , this , you know this isn't right , you need to do something about it where on the outside everyone else is like she's got it all together , it's fine .

Speaker 1 11:37

I mean really , she's got four kids . It's hard . Of course she's going to drink . And then there's all these like the t-shirts and the wine glasses and , like you are saying , people out on their front lawns taking pictures of you know and making fun about it . It's so nice to have people that kind of get why we're doing it and we are living counterculturally . But then as Catholics , we live counterculturally as well . I've always related , you know , being sober is just another way that I'm a little bit different from everyone else , just like I am being Catholic . So , as a Catholic woman , how has your faith influenced your path in sobriety so that you've been able to maintain it over these past two years , even over two years , even with people not really sure that you actually have a problem ?

Speaker 2 12:40

So knowing God going into recovery was such a gift . So , for those people who are familiar with the 12 Step Program , a very , very crucial part of it early on is accepting that there is a higher power and then you give him your life . And so what I always the way I think about it now is that the Catholic faith and my upbringing being Catholic taught me who God is .

God's Transformative Power in Recovery

Speaker 2 13:07

So I knew about him , but I had never really let him into my heart personally , and so AA taught me that God cares about me personally , because I was able to start seeing the miracles in my life , like the changes of the heart and these , you know , when I would have like a really bad craving and I could sit down and ask God to remove it and in an instant it was gone and I'm like how , like nothing short of a miracle that like I was walking to the liquor cabinet and then stopped and remembered God . And so once I was able to kind of put my walls down and stop thinking of God as like the God of other people or the God who does miracles , but miracles for other people .

Speaker 2 13:52

Because you know , I'm not , I'm not needy enough , I'm not worthy enough , I'm just some simple . You know a homemaker and say-at-home mom , and you know I don't deserve God's love and attention , which you know is all part of my story of really learning my identity as a daughter of Christ has just been absolutely transformative . And then , because I have allowed God into like every little nook and cranny of my life , now I am able to model that for my children and I have seen just such profound changes in their life and all it does is just it deepens our whole family and we are now , as a family , I feel like on a path to sainthood , like I want eternity in heaven with my family , more than anything else , more than I want to be drunk , more than I want to be numbed by something , more than any other passing stressful moment . You know I'm able to , with my clear mind , keep our ship pointed in the right direction .

Speaker 1 14:52

Yes , oh my gosh , that is so beautiful , so beautiful . And oh my gosh , I could just relate to so much of what you are saying , and I love it . I think people so often are like , oh , I have to give this up . Or , like you were saying , with your family , everything revolves around alcohol . With your other family , everything , all your celebrations and dinners and get together with friends and family revolve around alcohol . So a lot of times , of course , we're thinking , oh my gosh , what I'm giving this up , I'm giving all these things up . But , as you so beautifully articulated , look at all the things that you've gained . You have this realization of , like , let's have eternity , like , let's grow close to Christ and let's have not just a faith but a relationship . And I've experienced that myself and I think part of it too .

Speaker 1 15:53

For me , and it sounds like for you too , I was able to do the same thing . I asked God please remove the desire to drink , because I was . I was kind , even though I was going to meetings , I was white knuckling it . I was trying to use all the willpower that I had within me and it was not working . And it wasn't until I turned my will over to the care of God that things really began to change for me .

Speaker 1 16:18

And when he did remove that for me , like you said , I thought , oh , he does this for other people , not for me . You know , I ask for things , I pray , I beg and nothing happens . But he did that in that moment and it gave me such gratitude that propelled me forward and made me want to continue with sobriety . So I think that that you know , I was 23 when I got sober , so I had a really long road of maturing and my faith wasn't as strong as yours is , and or what and was at even at that time . So I've had a long , you know , like faith , growth and maturing in general . But I just see , like all those graces at work and how it's got me to be the person that I am today , not for me , but for God's glory , so that I can say , look , what God has done for me , he can do it for you too , right , yep .

Speaker 2 17:23

Oh , and that I mean that's . That's exactly what it is Like

Overcoming Addiction and Finding God's Voice

Speaker 2 17:27

God . God has a unique plan for each of us and he wants to use us and we have these special gifts and talents and what we wind up doing , like in our American culture and like I was so blind to it for so long but we just we numb ourselves , and so for so many people it's alcohol , for other people it's other drugs or pills , for some people it's social media , I mean , for some people it's just it's Netflix or , you know , video games or whatever . It's all of these , these distractions and these noises that the evil one puts into our life , to really kind of numb out the voice of God . Because God doesn't yell .

Speaker 2 18:04

I mean the evil one will all these other things , they'll scream in your face , but God sits and whispers in the quiet of our heart and and so like , even as we're , like , as I'm , developing a deeper and more intimate prayer life , like it went from , you know , always praying the , the rote prayers , like I would pray a rosary , and it was just memorization , and like checking the boxes and doing what I have to do , and now it's , it's an honest to God conversation , and sometimes it's just sitting in the silence and I never , ever used to be comfortable with the silence . You know , there always had to be music on or or something . And now it's like I crave that silence and I can recognize when I'm stressed in other areas of my life and things feel out of control . It's like , oh right , Like have I ? Have I centered myself lately ? Like when was the last time I spent some quiet time in adoration and when was the last time I , I let God speak to me ?

Speaker 2 18:56

Because because , like I said , he doesn't , he doesn't yell we . He's always there and he's always talking and he always cares . But for me it was alcohol . Alcohol completely numbed his voice and so I couldn't hear and I couldn't , I couldn't live to the potential .

Speaker 2 19:12

I was , I was living , I was surviving and everything was fine and I paid my house payments on time and you know , owned cars and like all all the things on the on the outside had this wonderful life and on the inside I just couldn't wait every day until you know I could , I could get drunk and check out from it again , and I don't remember exactly when , but it was like somewhere along the line , drinking went from this fun social thing that I liked to do to this addictive thing that I had to do and I was never drinking one Like I was always drinking , like seeking the buzz , like I was seeking the escape , and then that was that was really kind of my , my red flag . I would wake up in the morning and say , oh , I drank too much again last night . Okay , I'm going to take a day off , like I live or needs a break . And then by five o'clock I physically could not stop myself from pouring a drink . And then and then I would hate myself .

Speaker 2 20:08

And then I'd wake up the next morning after a terrible night's sleep again and being up with my heart racing in the middle of the night and all the things , and I wake up and be like , oh , you did it again . You know , just stop to . You know , just take , take a day off , you know , and I , I mean I did , I did all of the the rules like only on the weekends or go back to , you know , just just wine and no liquor , and you know all these different you know prescribed means of trying to control it , and I would always do it Okay , for a while , you know , just have one glass of wine or only drink one day a week , and I could do that for a couple of weeks , maybe a month or two , but then inevitably something would stress me out , overwhelm me , and I didn't have . I didn't have that , that faith and that dependence on God . I had faith and dependence on alcohol , and so then that's what I turned to time and time again .

Speaker 1 22:02

Right , and that's what happens . Right , instead of turning to God , we're turning to a substance or a thing , whether it's our phones or shopping or whatever it Netflix , like you said , we're turning to things , which is exactly what the evil one wants us to do , right ? He wants us to be lukewarm . He doesn't want us to hear God's voice . He doesn't want us to be on fire , like you and I are like right now . I mean , it's that he hates that . So the best way to do that is to keep us very comfortable , happy , numbed out as much as possible . But then here's like what you were saying he comes in with that shame right the next morning . Then you have that shame , you have guilt , you have regret , and that just propels us on to that circle of drinking more , to like an amount , to feel better , and then hating ourselves and then doing it again . And then you also touched on sometimes people think like they have insomnia , that they have anxiety , like really bad anxiety or all these other things , even like IBS and like other health conditions , and they think it's related to their sleep or how they're eating , or maybe menopause or you know , hormones and things which absolutely can cause all of all of those things . But I have clients that when they actually stop drinking , or they stop it for a time , all of a sudden they're like oh , I don't wake up in the middle of the night anymore with my heart racing , like you said , or I don't have . You know , my gut health seems a lot better now . Or , you know , like all of those different things that people don't realize until they cut it out .

Speaker 1 23:56

And then I also loved a lot of times people are like well , how do I know if I need to take it out of my life completely or if I just need to cut back ? And you describe that so perfectly , like you were trying all these things to moderate . You could stop , you know , for a month at a time . You could , you know , have these perimeters around it , but it was causing so much chaos for you in your mind because that was like what you were thinking about .

Speaker 1 24:31

That's what you were like , well , if I can get through . You know , I don't really like challenges so much . You know , like 30 day challenges , because any of us can do anything for

Finding Joy in Sobriety and Recovery

Speaker 1 24:41

30 days , right , we can stop drinking for 30 days , but then day 31, . It's like , okay , I'm going to reward myself for all that time that I didn't do it , and then we just kind of get back into it and we forget what it felt like to feel so good for that 30 days and yeah . So I think if there's any women out there who are wondering , can I moderate , I guess you just need to try it out .

Speaker 2 25:09

And if I mean that's that's what I recommend is if you're really like on the line , I think , sometime , when you're like sober and calm and in a good headspace , spend some time in prayer and write down what an acceptable drinking plan is for you . And maybe that is only drinking on Friday and Saturday nights , maybe that's only ever having one drink a night made me , you know , maybe it's only on special occasions . You don't keep it in the house whatever feels like really reasonable and then stick to it and then find like then honestly , like step out of the emotion and look at yourself like a scientist and say am I if after the first one , you know if I allow myself the one glass of wine , am I craving wine for the rest of the night and I'm miserable because I'm forcing myself to not have one ? Or do I enjoy my one glass of wine and then I'm done , like my husband can drink one beer and be good and then that's all . He just like he likes a beer . It's like he'll put his feet up after the kids go to bed and he literally will drink one beer . He doesn't think about having more . He doesn't go through the rest of the you know case . He doesn't escalate to liquor like , and it's absolutely befuddling to me , but he's , he's able to moderate in that way and it's , it's a , it's a pleasure for him .

Speaker 2 26:20

That is not excessive , but but right . But then it's like for me I could force myself to not drink too much and I could force myself to take time off , but it was always painful , and then as soon as , as soon as , like I had my excuse , whether it was a celebration or some you know really bad day or whatever . Once I said , okay , fine , all bets are off . Then it was always like immediately , too excessive and I just got tired of that , like that constant fight with myself of like , well , I want to do it , but I don't want to do it , and I , you know it . Just it became too much work to try to moderate . So so that that was the clear answer for me .

Speaker 1 27:01

Yeah , yeah , and my husband can like . I've never seen my husband drunk and he's the same way as your husband . He can have one and he's fine . Like two is like his max and it's great . I'm happy about it for my kids because they can see like they know my story . I'm quite open about it .

Speaker 1 27:18

Yes and yeah , and so I'm like you know , some of us just don't drink . Some people can moderate . If you can't moderate , then you probably shouldn't drink and I mean I would like it if they didn't . But you know , well , of course I said thing and actually I when I just watched a video that father Mike Schmitz did it it's an older video , I think somebody sent it to me about drinking like and and alcohol and and alcohol consumption .

Speaker 1 27:49

I thought it was pretty good because what he was saying was the alcohol is this gift . But if it's something that you can't , you know that you're constantly overindulging into the point of like drunkenness . That's where it becomes a problem . So his explanation was really good . But it's one of those things because sometimes people will be like well , jesus drank wine and you know there's wine in the Bible and you know people , you know we have it , it's part of the Eucharist , right , that gets changed into the body and blood of Christ , and so I don't think for me , I'm not saying like , oh , it's so evil , but it is something that you have to be very careful with right , because if then , if we misuse it , then that's not what God intended it for . You know , then it's not for for what it's intended .

Speaker 2 28:49

And I think about that a lot . With regards to the gift of sex that that we have , we are like embodied sexual creatures and the gift of sex between a married couple is so beautiful and for the glory of the kingdom . But it's so easy then for someone to turn around and say sexual pleasure is what I need and to misuse this gift that God has given us . And and that's really where , like all of our , our sins are rooted in not all of them . The vast majority of our sins are rooted in too much of a good thing . You know , where it's like a little bit is OK , you know , but then having too much , you can say the same thing , like with sweets , right , like you know , gluttony is like it's , of course , it's OK to eat . It's not OK to sit and eat , you know , an entire pizza and an entire carton of ice cream . And you know it's OK to sit and watch a TV show on Netflix , but it's not OK to sit and , you know , forget your duties and spend your whole day staring at Netflix and all of these things . Where it's like we have these pleasures in our life and they are gifts when they're used responsibly . But you know , our , our fallen minds and and our you know our bodies and our concupisants . That's the big word that Father Mike always teaches us , that that that you know , proclivity to sin is . It's just , it's so real , and so I mean I think .

Speaker 2 30:15

But so then , one of the other things that I like to tell people , if they are considering a life of sobriety , is that I believe there is a big difference between just not drinking and practicing recovery , and so one of the things that I had done so it started in COVID and it took me about a year to , honest to God , get like really , really sober , because I was able to stop drinking , and so I called myself sober because I wasn't picking up a drink , but I didn't work any program , and so the like the 12 steps program , is one option . There are lots of other ways to go about getting to the root of it , but alcohol is is the answer , it's usually not the problem . And so if you , if you just take away your solution .

Speaker 2 30:59

You just take away your answer and you don't deal with whatever the underlying thing is . And so for me it was . It was generally just low self-esteem and giving too much to my family and never advocating for myself and not knowing what self help looked like For me and not being able to honor my own dignity as a human being and recognizing that I have needs and it's OK sometimes to say no . And so I and my people pleasing wanted to please my husband and please my children and please everybody else in the world . And I gave , gave , gave , gave , gave and at the end of the day , I had nothing .

Speaker 2 31:29

But I had no idea when I was drinking I had . I had no idea that I struggled with alcohol . I had no idea that I was going to be able to drink . I had . I had no idea that I struggled with that because , you know , I I thought I was taking care of myself . I didn't think I had any of those problems . And so being able to work through the steps and live in recovery is really about , is about uncovering like what it is that's going on and letting God help make me whole so that I can live the life that he wants for me .

Speaker 1 32:02

Yes , yeah , yeah , that is so right on and that is so beautiful . And you're right , there is a big difference between just not drinking and being a person in recovery . And for some people , just not drinking and figuring out a way to do that is perfect for them and they can develop the level of sobriety that is right for them . And then for others , like you and I , recovery was necessary to get us to the point that we are now and understand ourselves , and understand ourselves and understand God so that we could , you know , do his will and hear his voice more clearly and help others because that's a big part of it , right .

Speaker 2 32:46

And then turn around and give what's been really given to us to other people , yep .

Speaker 1 32:50

Yeah , absolutely . So how ? What ? Since you've been living with , in recovery and without alcohol for two and a half years and you said that you know that's something that you always did with your family and your husband and everything ? What tips do you have for other women who are seeking to drink less or not at all , and how can they just be part of events and communities and everything and have a mindset of like being joyful , without like giving everyone the stink ? I like your , okay , so anyway .

Speaker 2 33:37

I will . I will say that in early recovery it is really , really hard . My first wedding was very

Challenges and Growth in Recovery

Speaker 2 33:44

, very challenging for me and I didn't enjoy it Like , in all honesty , it was a thing it was . It was I had to be there and I was there , still missing alcohol and wishing that I could be the one drinking , but knowing that I couldn't and if I started drinking it would go down a bad path . But I still I hadn't , I had not let God fully remove that craving from me yet I was still holding on to it and I was still .

Speaker 2 34:13

I still fantasized about alcohol and romanticized it and talked about like I still thought about how amazing it was and felt , I felt sad for myself , like I was pitying myself , like oh , boohoo pour me , like I can't drink . And but then , as as I progressed through my recovery , as I progressed with my relationship with God and I don't remember exactly when it was , but at some point I recognized that I didn't want alcohol and it didn't bother me that other people had it and it didn't bother me that I was around it because it was no longer a temptation for me at all . And then , once you reach that point , at anything's fair game . But I will say that I still don't enjoy like I'm able to really recognize things I enjoy and things I don't enjoy . I don't enjoy sitting around with people who are just drinking and talking and that's what my extended family likes to do like that we all just hang out and chit chat and they just drink and drink . But if we are going somewhere and something is happening , I don't mind when people drink . So for you know , at an I don't know at an event , or if there's , you know , like a wedding and we're dancing , or if we go mini golfing together and someone has a drinker , as long as there's some sort of event or something happening , I'm okay .

Speaker 2 35:26

But I will also say that . So obviously I didn't lose any of my family because I still love them and I , if I see them , you know , drinking to excess or struggling , I'm able to pray for them and , you know , bring them to the Lord and pray that if they do have a problem the way I have a problem , that they're able to recognize it . But there were a fair number of quote unquote friends of mine that I lost because of recovery and that was also really hard at first because those were the only people in my life but I was no fun to hang out with when I was originally sober and I couldn't really be around them drinking , and so those relationships fell away and I mourned those initially . But what I recognized was those were not real relationships , those were drinking buddies . Because then I do have some friends . So like I have a best friend that I've had since elementary school and she and I we do a girls trip every week or every year every weekend , like wow .

Speaker 2 36:25

Once a year we get together and , and when she and I are together she doesn't drink and she drinks at home otherwise , and I'm I always tell her I'm like it's fine if you would have a glass of wine , like I don't care if you want to bring wine to the room , and like it's not a good for me . She's like no , it's good for me to take a weekend off of drinking anyway , like I'm fine . And it has not . It has not impacted our relationship at all , because she's a true friend , and so it does allow you to really kind of see who your , your good friends are . It allows you to really recognize what you like and what you don't like .

Speaker 2 36:57

Like so much of my life was wasted just sitting around drinking , and now it's like I like to do things , like to go on hikes or go hiking , kayaking or , you know , play mini golf , instead of just sitting around . My husband and I go and do like escape rooms , like those are a lot of fun , but instead of just like sitting at a bar and drinking , which is what we used to do on day night . And so it changes and it is . It is hard , but it's not impossible and it does get easier . It does get easier .

Speaker 1 37:26

It does and that , like you were saying , I think you just have to be like very confident within yourself and your choice . I think that's the thing . The mindset shift I had to make was it's not that I can't I mean I shouldn't but it's not that I can't . I could choose , I have free will to have it , but I am choosing not to and I'm confident about that . And you know , other people might be uncomfortable with me not drinking , because some people really like other people to drink with them . And then other people are so sweet and they're just like well , what can I get ? Like they make a big deal about it , like what do you need ? Who ? Cranberry juice , this , that , and I'm like just just the sparkling water .

Speaker 1 38:10

If you have it or you know whatever , like I'm good , and so it can kind of go the other way too . But but I find just I don't really suffer from FOMO , you know , like the fear of missing out that so many of us do that I used to , and I think part of that comes with age , but I think a lot of that I've been able to do that , even as a young person , in my early sobriety . I got to that point because it was kind of like I can't do that , like if I do that then I'm gonna , it's going to be really bad , and so I have to be comfortable being uncomfortable , you know , and there's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable , because growth happens in the discomfort . So when we step outside of our comfort zone and do those things , but also recognizing , I would be such a boar at a wine tasting event I live in the Pacific Northwest , there's wineries everywhere Like I could go and I could have , you know , just be with my friends . But how boring would that be for me and they would probably be like worried about me the whole time , like do you need anything , you know , so it wouldn't be a great time .

Speaker 1 39:28

But then other times , like you said , I go to events and there's wine on the table there's , you know , people are drinking and that doesn't bother me personally , because I don't feel like , oh , they're all drinking and I'm just sitting here , you know , not having it , it's just something I've been able to , you know , change with my mindset and it has to do with the way I got through recovery . It has to do very much with my relationship with the Lord . It has to do with my openness of just telling people like I'm not ashamed of it , I have nothing to be ashamed of , and just kind of pulling that out when needed . I mean , I don't just walk around to people being like do you know that .

Speaker 2 40:15

I know .

Speaker 1 40:16

I'm in recovery . Yeah , exactly , I don't like just lead with that , but if it comes up , you know , and you never know what sharing even that little tidbit can do . That has started all kinds of conversations , either with people whose family members suffer , or I get to meet other Catholics in recovery , which I knew zero zip zilch for most of my recovery , and so it's so wonderful having conversations with other Catholics who are choosing sobriety or are in recovery like me , because it's like , oh , I don't feel like a unicorn , you know like , yeah , like there's other people out there and yeah , so it's so , it's so great . I think we need to wrap up , but I do want to give you a minute because I really want to hear about your books .

Speaker 2 41:10

Sure . So this , this is a wonderful , wonderful blessing that has come out of sobriety . I would not be a published author right now if I was not sober , because I was , you know , hung over every day and drunk every night , basically . And so a couple of months into sobriety I was actually listening to Father Mike Schmitz Bible in a Year podcast and was just struck by the Holy Spirit . So I have read all of the like , every single one of the Magic Tree House books with my kids . Oh yeah , and they have loved those stories and I was just like we need a Catholic version of those . And so I .

Speaker 2 41:48

I created Adventures with the Saints , which is so . There's three siblings . One in the first book is

Saints Adventures - Catholic Kids' Book Series

Speaker 2 41:54

a foster child who's adopted by a Catholic family and then he's adopted and then it's just him and his new brother and sister and they encounter like a modern day kids size problem and they time travel and meet a saint and the saint teaches them a lesson which then they're able to come back to modern day and apply it to their lives . And the focus is not about teaching like the whole life of the saints or their dates or how they died or any of that sort of stuff . It's mostly just about like presenting the saints as approachable people and that the lessons and the takeaways that they have are applicable to young people today .

Speaker 2 42:32

So , and it's , it's , it's a you know what they call historical fiction . So it's , you know , it's made up stories that it's modeled a lot on my family . So , like every book has the family just doing something fun . There's a water balloon fight in one , they go to the swimming pool , they go to the zoo , like it's just very like normal family stuff . But they they pray before dinner and they attend Mass on Sundays and they get to know these saints and how the saints can really still impact their life . So the first three are published and I'm working on number four .

Speaker 1 43:06

So that's so excited . Oh , I need to get some . So I have my youngest is 10 . So that sounds like it'd be about perfect for his age . What ages do you think ?

Speaker 2 43:18

I mean the magic tree house books those are so good I've been reading , yeah , so so it's a third grade reading level but we recommend for kids in like first through fourth grade , kindergarteners and first graders , you can kind of read out loud to them and then , depending on reading level , second and third grade and fourth grade can be independent readers .

Speaker 2 43:34

So they're just little chapter books , so they're small , but you know enough for and it's you know , I'm very deliberate about like the language and there's not any big words and you know everything is , you know shorter sentences and that sort of stuff . So it's really great for emerging readers and my , my goal , my hope , is to have at least 10 of them and that kids will be able to do , you know , like they do with the magic tree house , where they just get into it and they know the characters and they just kind of pick them up and instead of I mean the magic tree house books are wonderful . I love how they they teach about history in different cultures , and so I just I really felt inspired by that series to bring a similar sort of thing to our Catholic kids .

Speaker 1 44:16

Yeah , and I love that they can see modeled in your books what happens at home , right ? Yeah , Because they rarely it is so rare to see that nowadays like in any of their shows or books or anything that they do . So when there is a nice book series , great book series like that out there , then oh my gosh , I can't wait . Yeah , so I'm going to have him read them to me because I want them . I want to read them too .

Speaker 2 44:45

Awesome . You have to let me know what you and he think .

Speaker 1 44:48

Yes , I will , so they , so people can find those on your website that I'm linking in the bio . Is it on Amazon too ?

Speaker 2 44:56

Yep , yep , but I , if you buy them from my website , I can do a personalized autographed book . But obviously Amazon , you can probably get it by like today or tomorrow .

Speaker 1 45:05

So right . I know it's like how fast do you want it ? So okay , oh my gosh . Thank you so much , maria , for being here . I know that your story is going to inspire and encourage

Inspiring Catholic Woman in Recovery

Speaker 1 45:18

so many of my listeners , and it's just been so delightful to have you here and to speak to another Catholic woman in recovery . So thank you so much .

Speaker 2 45:29

Likewise , thank you for having me . This is wonderful .

Speaker 1 45:32

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend , who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time , and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you , you are not alone .