Catholic Sobriety and Personal Journey

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety podcast , the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives , women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason . I am your host , christy Walker . I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here . So this is my first episode and it is dropping on December 12th for two very important reasons . The first reason is , as many Catholics know , or all know , today is the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe and it's one of my favorite Marianne feasts and I just really wanted to honor Mary and her intercession as I was getting sober . I really rely on the Blessed Mother for a variety of things . The first one , and most important , is that she leads me closer to her son and I love that . The second reason is because today is my grandma's birthday and she passed on in 1987 , but I still very deeply feel her intercession continually in my life and she played a huge role in my recovery , which I'll talk about later . So again , this is the first episode and I just want this episode to be one that people can refer back to , or I can refer people back to . I'm going to share how I got sober , and I'm not going to share my whole recovery story , because I've been in recovery for the past over 25 years , and so it's been a long journey of ups and downs , of learning . That is what this podcast is going to be about , so I'm not going to give you all of it in one shot , but I am going to talk a little bit about what led me to sobriety and how I got sober . So I have to start this by going back , like way back when I was 15 months old . I had open heart surgery , I guess , as the story goes . I was sick for quite a while and nobody could figure out what was wrong with me , and then finally , a doctor discovered that I had a heart issue and they sent me to Salt Lake . They couldn't do anything for me and my family . I lived in Idaho at the time and they couldn't do anything for me there , so they sent me back home and then , I guess eventually I was so sick the doctors sent me to Portland Oregon , to OHSU , as the story goes , when I got there I was more dead than alive , so they operated on me on a day when they typically don't do operations . Throughout this entire my entire illness , surgery and recovery , my grandma who I mentioned at the top of the show just prayed for me unceasingly and she talked to lots of other people and had them praying for me as well . So she's been interceding for me my entire life and I still feel that today . So , thanks to many prayers and the skilled hands of a surgeon heart surgeon I am here speaking to you today and sharing my story . My family was obviously very grateful for the surgery and my recovery from that and the fact that I have not had any residual effects from that open heart surgery at all . I've been able to participate in sports and pretty much do anything like anyone else who didn't have open heart surgery . So that has been a huge blessing .

Speaker 1 4:22

And growing up , people would always tell me like Christy , you're such a miracle . God has big plans for you . That probably saved my life in a lot of respects . But it was also something that I was always like wondering what is that purpose ? What does God have for me ? So it was a lot to think about and wonder , you know , what God had in store . But growing up , especially once I got into high school and certainly when I was in my late teens and early 20s , I did not live like someone who thought she was a miracle or that God had a purpose for I did not live like someone who believed that their body was a temple of the Holy Spirit .

Speaker 1 5:10

For some people , their road to alcoholism is paved in a way that it's a gradual climb . They might start drinking a little bit when they're in high school drink , start drinking way more in college or binge drinking and then just find themselves , you know , kind of on this hamster wheel or snowballed effect of drinking more and more continually and in frequency and in amount . But for me that was not the case at all . I was hooked on alcohol from the moment I first got intoxicated . So I was like a freshman or sophomore in high school . I went to a teammate's house for a party unbeknownst to me or my mom . There was lots of alcohol there and many more people came , more than just my teammates , which is what I thought it was going to be . But the thing is I liked the feeling of being intoxicated and I guess the alcohol . Just I was just addicted to it from that moment on . So when I say I'm an alcoholic , I really know that I am . They say that when you're an alcoholic , one drink is too many and a million is never enough , and for me that is certainly true .

Speaker 1 6:41

I drank as much as I could when I was in high school , which wasn't a ton . It was probably a couple weekends a month that I would be at a friend's house because her parents would go out of town or another one of my friends her parents would let us drink at her house . So I probably got pretty intoxicated a couple times a month . And then as I got , you know , as I grew up and I started hanging around more people and people who were older and could get alcohol , I just started going to more parties and frequenting places where I knew that there would be alcohol , even though I was underage .

Speaker 1 7:25

When I turned 21 , of course , it got even worse because I was able just to buy alcohol whenever I wanted to , and I definitely did that . So I had roommates . I mean , I was like moving in and out of different living situations with different roommates , just based on who could tolerate my drinking for that amount of time and who couldn't . Finally , I was living with one of my best friends , from high school actually , and her fiance , and she had had enough of my drinking and my antics and she couldn't stand to see me like that anymore . So she packed up my things . I had already decided I was going to move in with another friend , but I had gone out drinking the night before I was supposed to move out , so I hadn't packed up anything . So she took the liberty of packing everything up for me . I had alcohol in my closet , which she wasn't very happy about , because then I was .

Speaker 1 8:30

She discovered that I had been hiding my drinking , and yeah , so that didn't go well , but she made me go and tell my mom what was going on . My mom and my stepdad . I had to live with them just for a day or two until my other apartment became available . And that was just really the turning point , because now , even though my parents , I'm sure , knew or suspected that I had a drinking problem , now I had come face to face and had to admit it to both myself and my parents . So , yeah , it was definitely , like I said , a turning point , because now I knew that I had a problem and I had said it out loud and my drinking would never be the same like . It wouldn't be as carefree and fun as it had been , or quote-unquote , fun as it had been , because now in the back of my mind was constantly that voice saying you have a problem , you drink too much . It was completely true .

Speaker 1 9:40

I lived with that roommate for a little bit the one that I had moved in with , and her mom actually was my boss . So it got to a point where her mom was like Christy , if you do not get help , you're gonna lose your job . Like you're not dependable and I can't protect you anymore . My friend was like Christy , you are gonna have to move out if you don't get help . You're not dependable and I can't have you here anymore .

Speaker 1 10:09

So out of fear , I quickly called Kaiser Permanente and got into whatever outpatient treatment program they had there . It was like a 90-day treatment program and I had to go to meetings there and I guess I don't even remember very much about it other than I didn't really like it . I remember that I didn't connect with anybody there . Everybody who was there was probably at least five to ten years older than me and I couldn't relate with them at all . I didn't like being there and I kept saying to myself well , I'm not as bad as all these people I haven't done all of these things . They've gotten DUIs and they've lost their kids and this and that . So in my mind I was already building my case for why they were so much worse than me and I wasn't in that place . So I didn't really need to get sober . But again , I was there out of fear and to kind of get people off my back .

Speaker 1 11:14

So as soon as the treatment program was finished , I of course went back out drinking because I hadn't really changed anything in my life other than I would go to these meetings , you know , like a few times a week . And so I did go out drinking . But the thing is it didn't go so well and you know that you have a problem when your drinking buddies are telling you that you have a problem , and that was certainly my case . So it got to a point where I realized that I was either going to get myself into a very dangerous situation that I couldn't get out of , or I was going to damage my liver or overall health beyond repair , or I was going to get into a car accident or end up in jail or homeless or both . And who would even care , honestly ? Because I had done it all to myself .

The Journey to Sobriety and Recovery

Speaker 1 12:09

So on February 25 , 1997 , at the age of 23 , I decided that I was going to go and pick up what I'm sure was a six pack of Zima because that was like one of my favorite things to drink at the time and a half rack of beer , and I was going to drink myself into my last blackout . That I was not going to do this anymore . I could not continue living this way anymore . So I did that and I woke up on February 26 , 1997 with the intention of never drinking again , and , thanks be to God , that has been the case for me . What I didn't know is that February 26 , 1997 was also the 10th anniversary of my grandmother's death , and that was the 10th anniversary of my grandmother that I mentioned at the top of the show . So here is that connection , here is where I felt her intercession , and this was something that I didn't know that my mom later told me , when I told her the date , that I decided to get sober and that I wasn't drinking anymore , and she was just overjoyed to think that I had gotten sober on the 10th anniversary of my grandmother's death and that that was just a sign that she had helped me and that this was actually going to stick . And it did and it has .

Speaker 1 13:48

Shortly after I had gotten sober , one of my mom's really good friends from high school came and visited and this friend had actually been in Alcoholics Anonymous and a recovering alcoholic for many , many years . And she came and we all went out to lunch and discussed what you know , what was going on , what I was feeling , what things were happening . I hadn't been to an AA meeting so I hadn't really talked to anybody about my decision to get sober , other than friends and family that I was telling that I wasn't going to drink . So she came and she talked to me about her a little bit , about her journey and about AA and how it could help me . And before we ended our lunch she slid a coin over to me , an Alcoholics Anonymous coin , and it was a nine year coin and I looked at it and I was like I don't even have 90 days and you're giving me this coin . And she said I want you to keep this coin and I want you to know that that is your goal and you will , you know , exceed that goal , but I want you to keep it as a reminder of your sobriety and what you are working toward , and I did .

Speaker 1 15:14

She also told me well , she didn't tell me . She also took me to my very first AA meeting and , even though I had never been to an AA meeting , it was similar to the meetings that I had gone to or been part of during my outpatient treatment . So before she left , she told me that it was my responsibility now to find an AA meeting in my area and that I could try out all types of different ones , that there's a variety out there and there's something for everyone . So just to go to meetings and see where I felt most at home and most comfortable and met people that would help me , and that they would be there to share their experience , strength and hope with me and I could ask them any questions , and it would be a really good community for me . Now I realize that there are a variety of ways that people get and stay sober , and 12-step programs are not for everyone , but for me , this is exactly what I needed at the time , because AA gave me tools to change my thinking and change my situation , set boundaries . It gave me things that I could tell myself that helped keep me safe and sober . It was a community of people that I could depend on , ask questions to .

Speaker 1 18:01

I didn't feel quite so different or lonely , because I knew that there were other people like me there In the rooms . It was kind of difficult for me , though . I didn't really connect with anyone . There was this one older lady that I really did like a lot and she had seven years of sobriety and she just seemed so put together and I just imagined , like that's what I want to be someday , that's how I want to present myself , that is how I want to speak to other people . She was very kind and compassionate and encouraging and I just kind of took her on as a role model of somebody that I looked up to and that I wanted to emulate .

Speaker 1 18:56

I did get a sponsor . It wasn't her . I don't know why I didn't ask her to be my sponsor . Maybe I was intimidated because I felt like she had a lot of sponsors . But I ended up getting a sponsor , worked steps one through five , and after that she just kind of went MIA and I was told that she went back out drinking and that was just kind of a huge hit to me . It was very discouraging . It's like if my sponsor can't even stay sober , how am I going to get through this ? But I did and I continued on my own . I decided I didn't want to sponsor , I didn't want to be let down again and I was just gonna figure it out just me and God . And we were gonna figure it out and I was gonna stay sober and drinking was not an option for me and I didn't necessarily have the one day at a time mentality . I had the I am never going to drink again or I will die mentality . So I didn't take it one day at a time or an hour by hour like some people do . I just . It was something that I told my mind and I prayed to God about please , god , take away my desire to drink . And I would say that every day . And he did Like I had no desire to drink .

Speaker 1 20:31

After that I did meetings every single day for 90 days , which is what they usually recommend in AA , and then after that I would go maybe once a week and then it went to maybe a couple of times a month and then it turned into I didn't go anymore and I stopped going . And then I was afraid people would think like , oh , she went back out drinking or I didn't really wanna go back , because I didn't feel like I needed the meetings anymore and I didn't like going in having to say I'm Christie and I'm an alcoholic . Because I wanted to say I'm Christie and I'm a recovering alcoholic , because that is what I am and that's what I was doing . I was not just being sober by not drinking , I was actually working my program and recovering . And that's still how I identify myself today , like I either say I just don't drink to people who ask , or , if I want , then I may say I'm a recovering alcoholic and I don't drink , and yeah . So I stopped going to AA meetings and I was afraid that they would also think that I was a dry drunk , and so there's always been kind of that worry that when I meet other people who are in recovery , they won't take my recovery seriously because I don't regularly attend meetings .

Speaker 1 22:06

But what I've learned over the years is that everyone get sober differently . We all have our stories , we all have our struggles . We all have our journeys . For some of us , that includes 12 step programs that save lives . For some of us it includes being coached . For some of us it includes , you know , just relying fully on our faith in God and knowing that he's going to get us through this . So there's a variety of ways that people get and stay sober and what I've learned over the past few months of really diving into the sober community as it is now is that there's a lot less judgment than what I was exposed to and there's a lot less you have to do it this way . I think more of us are understanding that there's no right or wrong way to do it . There's just your way . So we all have our recovery and our programs and we just work our program and don't work somebody else's program . We let them do that .

Speaker 1 23:25

So that has been very beautiful for me , because I really didn't necessarily want to share that I was a recovering alcoholic with people , because I didn't really feel like I fit in with people who drink because I don't . And I didn't really feel like I fit in with people who were in recovery because I didn't work my program in the way that I thought everyone was supposed to , or I had this thought that people in recovery would look at me different or just assume that I was a dry drunk , when really I've been working my program continually over all these years . So I guess that's it for today . There's a lot more to share about my journey after getting sober and after AA , but I'll save that for another day . I'll just probably sprinkle that information into other podcast episodes where it's appropriate , but I can say that I celebrated 25 years of sobriety on February 26th of this year and , thanks be to God , it was such a blessing and I feel like it really propelled me to do what I'm doing now , which is coach women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason , and also women in recovery who are ready to clean up the mental mess that can stick with us long after our last drink . So I hope that you will join me again for future episodes , and I thank you so much for listening and I'll talk to you again soon .

Speaker 1 25:20

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at thecatholic sobrietycoach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you . I am praying for you . You are not alone . I am the Catholic sobriety coach .